Husband and Chinese take away

[SeaSnakes1]

We all love a Chinese take away in our house - we have three teenagers. A couple of months ago my husband had to go gluten free. Chinese take away is limited in terms of gluten free options so he’s said he’d rather not bother- fair enough his choice.

He’s now said nobody else in the house can get one as it’s cruel. He adored the Cantonese chicken balls and chicken chow mien. I thought he was joking , but he’s not. He has seriously said that it’s totally unacceptable and unfair for anyone to get a Chinese take away.

AIBU?

Completely unreasonable, ignore him! If he misses Chinese food, here are five pages of gluten-free Chinese recipes from the fantastic Woks Of Life:

https://thewoksoflife.com/category/recipes/gluten-free-recipes/

Did he abstain from alcohol and everything a pregnant woman can't eat, for all of your 3 pregnancies and breastfeeding stints?

If not, wasn't that "cruel"?

Your poor husband having to adapt to his new diet. It must be really hard as GF food is often very different to muggle food.
Imagine how you would feel OP. Imagine you really love Chinese food and really want some but can’t have it ever again. How would you feel having to sit in a room with everyone else eating it. It would be really upsetting.
Just have an alternative that everyone in the family can eat.
Have consideration for those less fortunate than yourself and help your husband come to terms with his new restrictive diet.

Well actually it’s OP having to adapt to his diary let because she’s the one doing the ungrateful twat’s shopping and cooking!

This and the post afterwards demonstrate what a nightmare it is eating food you haven't cooked yourself with food allergies and intolerances. Most soy sauce (except japanese tamari) has wheat in, as do a lot of the other fermented pastes and seasonings (eg shioaxing rice wine) used in Asian cooking. Just changing the noodles isn't enough.

I had at one point lots of dietary requirements while figuring out what was wrong. Not only did I not dictate what others ate I also accommodated what they'd like to eat even if I couldn't.

I even carried on making home made pizza for everyone which was absoulte torture as the GF versions are just crap, I'd rather have none, and was all of our favourite meal.

Also if you want a Chinese you want a Chinese! I'm sure he could figure out what he could have it find a GF friendly restaurant or just piss off for the evening

None of their Chinese dishes are GF apart from the GF spring rolls which, while delicious, are not a meal.

Why is it takeaways bring out the worst in people?
Workmate a few weeks back ranted - and I do mean truly ranted - as her OH had "dared" to have a takeaway without her.
BTW he was 320 miles away overnight delivering construction equipment & stayed at a B&B his firm provided.
Next curry he has alone, I'd expect divorce lawyers on doorsteps next morning...

I’ve done this 🙈 not an excuse but at the time I had PND and had to give up cows milk, soya, egg, beef, wheat, citrus to feed ds with multiple allergies. I use four for comfort so it was terrible.

I made everyone in the house have the same meals and that year at Xmas gave the dc and sdc the same df chocolate I could eat and not the usual Cadbury’s and other Xmas stuff they were all so upset and dh was furious so I ended up saying maybe he should have done the Xmas shopping then instead . I feel bad now but when I stopped bf at 1 year it all went back to normal

*food

My boyfriend would heartily agree with you there! 😆
One of his favourite quotes and I didn't get it until I watched Trek 2 the other day!

Did he drink while you were pregnant?

Would you actually get a Chinese takeaway for the whole family except your son though?

My DD has allergies, I would never do that to her.

It's a bit mean to eat it in front of him if it's his absolute favourite

Are chicken balls even real Chinese food?! He is BU.

Could he ask what he could have on the menu? I would think rice is okay and maybe some other dishes like black bean chicken. Probably healthier too.

I’m aware of the many gf recipes for Chinese food thank you! The point was we (the rest of the family) wanted a Chinese takeaway (which is very different from cooking it yourself) and I wanted a night off from cooking. I could take the rest of the family out for a Chinese meal but in some ways that’s worse as he would really feel like he’s missing out then. He doesn’t go out at all, he’s not well enough.

Regarding getting takeaway that we can all eat - we do! I mentioned we have got gf fish & chips, curry & we’ve also ordered dominoes & Pizza Hut who offer gf pizza. We just like and fancied a Chinese! Ordering a bowl of rice (for him) is hardly an exciting option - why even bother getting a take away? Even if the Chinese offered a gf option(s) it’s likely not going to be something he wants or enjoys- and as previous posters have mentioned he wouldn’t feel comfortable with cross contamination possibilities.

I’m not going to sit there in front of him licking my lips making food noises, because, we’ll I’m not 7.

I’m probably the most supportive and compassionate person going (according to people who actually know me) which is why I wondered if I was being unreasonable - hence why I posted!

I can’t quite fathom how some posters seem to think I’m somehow lacking in understanding, but there again this is mumsnet and I should have known better 😂

It’s not his choice to go gf, not sure that anyone would suddenly wake up one day and decide to cut gluten from their diet for no reason. He’s been very unwell for a number of years and has been diagnosed with diverticulitis and IBS, the problem is getting worse hence why he’s seeking further investigation and had been advised by medical professionals to go gf. He’s undergoing further tests and only this morning was at the hospital having a pipe up his arse.

I’ve gone out and bought a ninja air fryer and the Becky Excell recipe book. I’ve also just made him a gf Victoria sponge cake to cheer him up from the pipe up the arse trauma- so whether I get a Chinese takeaway or not in the near future I believe I am a kind considerate person and I’m happy with who I am.

My husband is also a lovely person who is quite clearly struggling with not being able to eat Chinese takeaway food - yes he loved the battered chicken balls in Cantonese sauce and yes that is actually a food for the poster who refuses to believe it’s actually food.

Did he drink while you were pregnant?

I'm allergic to nuts and am the one who does the food shop and prep. My husband and kids get to have Nutella and snacking nuts. My limitation should not and does not extend to them.

Sorry but he needs to grow up. Can dictate what everyone else eats to suit him. Plus there are plenty of ways to have gluten free Chinese. Tonnes of other options if he bothers to actually look past his chicken balls

After reading your latest, I want to change my opinion. I didn’t realize he had extreme difficulties. In that case, I would refrain from ordering Chinese at all, but if there’s ever a time when you are out whether by up yourself or with some of your children, or when dh is not at home (although I think you’ve said he rarely goes out) then that would be the opportunity to have Chinese. Hope his health improves, Op!

I doubt you are really understanding the depression he is suffering. He is now in a position where he can barely wat anything he took for granted before, even things you know don't have gluten in but then you read the packet and think wtf?
I've had coeliac disease for 10+yrs and am still struggling with how fucking miserable its made my life.
Have a little compassion for fucks sake. Instead of bitching why don't you try supporting him and learning how to make his favourites at home with gluten free ingredients.

What an awful and nasty response. I feel sorry for you, you sound very bitter and angry. have you even read any updates?

even things you know don't think shouldn't have gluten in but then you read the packet and think wtf?

Smarties. Believe me, I know that the struggle is real.

However, like any other illness, the OP's husband has to learn to manage his new dietary requirements, and he has to get used to not having things he likes. I was a fully-paid-up member of CAMRA until I was diagnosed. Now, I can get GF Old Speckled Hen and nothing else. That doesn't mean that I tried to stop friends and relatives from drinking real ale.

That’s a prime example of what I call “equality of misery”

Stroll on. Apart from being gluten intolerant (no Idea if I'm coeliac because because I have to ingest it to find out) I'm lactose intolerant and have migraines triggered by all the Cs (chocolate, cheese, citrus). I don't have a strop when a family member eats pizza (often cooked by me) or munches on a creme egg.

And maybe he could learn to make.his.own favourites. I have to make 99% of my own food if I don't want to spend a night with either my arse or face glued to the toilet.