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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband and Chinese take away

345 replies

SeaSnakes1 · 27/06/2023 18:49

We all love a Chinese take away in our house - we have three teenagers. A couple of months ago my husband had to go gluten free. Chinese take away is limited in terms of gluten free options so he’s said he’d rather not bother- fair enough his choice.

He’s now said nobody else in the house can get one as it’s cruel. He adored the Cantonese chicken balls and chicken chow mien. I thought he was joking , but he’s not. He has seriously said that it’s totally unacceptable and unfair for anyone to get a Chinese take away.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Peachy2005 · 28/06/2023 12:23

Take the kids out for a Chinese is another option…but you shouldn’t have to pander so much to him.

I don’t eat Chinese anymore as it doesn’t agree with me but I wouldn’t dream of stopping the rest of the family and sometimes I’ll even go collect it for them!

I think you are possibly doing too much for your DH with this GF thing and he’s taking you for granted and being selfish.

AddictedToPaintTesters · 28/06/2023 12:46

It's nonsense and worrying that you're afraid to just laugh at him and carry on. I've been on a diet for months here and the rest of the family just carry on with takeaways the same as usual. It wouldn't even occur to me to be such a diva and try to ban it just because I'm not having it.

TiredManDad · 28/06/2023 13:36

What a dickhead. I'd say ok then, then order a pizza, lots of dough balls and eat every slice right in front of his selfish face.

Yes it is sad he is now GF but he shouldn't impose that on you guys.

Tabitha2721 · 28/06/2023 13:40

I have coeliac disease (5 years diagnosed) and we all love Chinese in my house too. My husband offered to not eat take out around me that I could not eat on his own but I would never demand this. However, if I was in your position I’d most definitely offer not to eat it around him as it is pretty cruel. We miss out on so much being gluten free, it’s not nice to have it rubbed in our faces. You could always go out to eat instead.

putthatdownsteve · 28/06/2023 13:41

When I was diagnosed with coeliac, my family stopped ordering anything that didn’t have a GF alternative or couldn’t guarantee cross contamination.

I didn’t ask them to (then teen ds and dh), they just did. Dh just said it would be unfair.

BurntOutGirl · 28/06/2023 13:45

SeaSnakes1 · 27/06/2023 18:49

We all love a Chinese take away in our house - we have three teenagers. A couple of months ago my husband had to go gluten free. Chinese take away is limited in terms of gluten free options so he’s said he’d rather not bother- fair enough his choice.

He’s now said nobody else in the house can get one as it’s cruel. He adored the Cantonese chicken balls and chicken chow mien. I thought he was joking , but he’s not. He has seriously said that it’s totally unacceptable and unfair for anyone to get a Chinese take away.

AIBU?

What a twat

piesforever · 28/06/2023 13:47

Sweet and sour and lemon chicken usually gf.....

putthatdownsteve · 28/06/2023 13:50

piesforever · 28/06/2023 13:47

Sweet and sour and lemon chicken usually gf.....

Most places can’t avoid cross contamination though. So while the food may be GF, it’s easily contaminated.

CornishIrish · 28/06/2023 13:51

I’m always struck by how many married people just don’t seem to like each other very much. Sounds like you could compromise here to be mindful of each others feelings.

RespectMacaroni · 28/06/2023 13:59

He can have a bowl of rice, can’t he? What’s his problem?

wingingit1987 · 28/06/2023 14:00

We have 5 kids. With 3 of them I had to go dairy free altogether due to them having CMPA and breastfeeding. One also had an egg allergy. It never occurred to me to tell the rest of the house what to eat. I just got on with it and got an alternative.

Wendl · 28/06/2023 14:00

I have been gluten free for past 4 years. I thought I would was upside down. I don't allow others to miss out just because I had to go gluten-free. My partner supports me by having most meals in our house gluten-free but sometimes you like what you like...

He shouldn't stop you and the kids from ordering your favourite Chinese.

Sunshine275 · 28/06/2023 14:01

He’s being totally unreasonable.

Pressthespacebar · 28/06/2023 14:11

I can’t believe the number of posters saying they think it’s mean to eat something someone else cant eat, how babyish! It’s only food get a grip!

Sennelier1 · 28/06/2023 14:14

@SeaSnakes1 , you mention gluten free fish&chips, but aren't there gluten in the batter? Anyway, YANBU, he is!

peachicecream · 28/06/2023 14:16

Sounds like he's struggling with the change in his diet, which is understandable, but it's not OK for him to also try to limit what you and the kids eat.

You need to talk to him and make him see that he is being selfish. Explain that you don't want to upset him but you are not prepared to sacrifice you and your teens enjoyment of one of your favourite foods. It doesn't have to be regular, but you have to be able to enjoy it once in a while as it's such a special treat.

Could you arrange it so that on nights you have Chinese, he also has a takeaway from somewhere else that he really likes and can eat?

putthatdownsteve · 28/06/2023 14:16

Sennelier1 · 28/06/2023 14:14

@SeaSnakes1 , you mention gluten free fish&chips, but aren't there gluten in the batter? Anyway, YANBU, he is!

Some fish and chip shops do gluten free batter. There is a chip shop not far from me that does two days a week totally gluten free. The owner is coeliac so they are well trusted, people travel for miles!

BungleandGeorge · 28/06/2023 14:17

Is
he actually coeliacs or just gone gluten free for other reasons?
i don’t honestly think he should expect the rest of you to miss out because he can’t have his preferred dish, pretty melodramatic to suggest that’s ‘torture’

MrsLilaAmes · 28/06/2023 14:19

If I wanted to treat our family, and one family member would of necessity be excluded from a particular treat, I would choose a different treat.

pinkbottle1252 · 28/06/2023 14:21

@BungleandGeorge Regardless, of coeliac or intolerance, it is traumatic.

You've eaten one way your entire life, and it's completely flipped on its head when you first begin to navigate gf eating. Can't eat fave foods, restaurants huff and puff at your questions, uncertainty, always planning ahead of group situations, being the ‘difficult’ one when dining out etc.

It took me around a year to feel confident in dining out, and for the cravings of my fave food to stop. 😂 I don't dictate what others eat, but everyone in my life is mindful of my dietary restrictions and my husband eats Chinese when I'm not at home. ☺️ (he even felt bad for ordering naan bread and abstained from Indian restaurants for around a year after diagnosis). Now all I do is ask him to describe every dish to me to eat through him haha

Lozois99 · 28/06/2023 14:23

Egg foo yung?
Plenty of protein only dishes
Vegetables
He can make his own gf noodles

What a baby

CMOTDibbler · 28/06/2023 14:24

I've been gf for over 25 years, and chinese is the only thing after all this time that I utterly crave being able to have a proper takeaway.
Its almost impossible to reliably know about ingredients, but the worst issue is cross contamination as usually the same woks are wiped out and resused, deep oil is used for lots of different things, and the surfaces are used.
In my area there is one place I can get anything from, and thats foo yung and plain rice. Not the same at all, and in my early years of gf I would have cried at the rest of the family having a lovely meal with all the nice bits.

MsRosley · 28/06/2023 14:25

I'm a bit on the fence with this one. I think I'd compromise and just get in a Chinese takeaway when he's away or out of the house.

Aussiegirl88 · 28/06/2023 14:27

Even my 6 year old Coeliac son has understood for 2 years that there are things his friends or siblings can't have that he can't any he's totally ok with it As am I with the same condition my husband will smash down pastries and sandwiches I don't consider it unfair, it's just life I wouldn't ever tell him he couldn't eat something because I couldn't!

That's like a pregnant woman telling her partner he can't drink because she cant!!!

Sunnymummy8 · 28/06/2023 14:27

I mean in all honestly but husband would probably expect the same from me and our family.. however my argument is did you give up alcohol when I was pregnant or breast feeding 🤷🏻‍♀️