Husband and Chinese take away

[SeaSnakes1]

We all love a Chinese take away in our house - we have three teenagers. A couple of months ago my husband had to go gluten free. Chinese take away is limited in terms of gluten free options so he’s said he’d rather not bother- fair enough his choice.

He’s now said nobody else in the house can get one as it’s cruel. He adored the Cantonese chicken balls and chicken chow mien. I thought he was joking , but he’s not. He has seriously said that it’s totally unacceptable and unfair for anyone to get a Chinese take away.

AIBU?

As everyone says YANBU, but your sorry piece of work husband is being VERY unreasonable, selfish and childish. Logic needs to be applied here. If he became vegetarian, would he expect everyone to become vegetarian? If he was no longer able to eat solid foods due to a medical condition, would he expect the whole family to blend everything up into a mixer and drink it? If he became diabetic would he expect everyone else to avoid eating sugar? Of course not. He needs to learn to adapt and on the occasions you and your kids fancy a Chinese, he either needs to learn what is gluten-free and eat that or make his own Chinese gluten-free or get a takeaway from somewhere else or have a ready meal on standby. My wife turned vegetarian last year and we still eat pretty much the same meals each night, except my daughter and I still eat meat and my wifes meal is adapted. It’s rather simple really. I developed an intolerance to onions and they are my favourite food of all time forming the base of 95% of what we were cooking which is probably why I developed an intolerance. I adapt my meals but still allow my wife and child to eat onions despite secretly pining at their plates while eating. It’s really quite simple. I quit drinking for 6 months this year and my wife always now asks ‘permission’ if she fancies a drink. I always say that there is no need to ask permission and she can drink what she wants when she wants, while I drink my water. It’s very simple all round really. Each to their own. Your husband needs to learn some mental strength/maturity and how to think of others. Good luck op!

I can’t eat soy or gluten. It’s annoying and makes the menu at the Chinese takeaway limited but they should be able to make something for your dh. HIBU

I'm coeliac. When DP was alive I used to go exactly the other way. If there was something I really really wanted but couldn't have, I used to make him have it. That way I felt like at least I was having it by proxy. It was that feeling that I wasn't just leaving it where it was, at least someone was having it.

(DP was very easy going!)

Why does he think he is the main character?

If HE loves his wife & kids...

@SeaSnakes1 why has he had to go gluten free?

Tell him to research gluten free Chinese. You can’t all be expected to forgo Chinese for the rest of your life. Either that or take the kids out for dinner while he gets on with something he enjoys.

I went deaf as a child. I obviously then forced my entire family to wear earplugs because it would be unreasonable and unfair for them to hear if I can’t… 😉

OP, YANBU. I probably wouldn’t eat it in front of him if it’d really upset him but he must go out sometimes?

Amount of time? And what special ingredients? No one is expecting him to grind his own spices. Just chuck some ready-to-wok noodles in a pan with a handful of stir-fry veg and pour over a sauce. Bob's your uncle. It's not supposed to be the same as the takeaway version.

Did he give up alcohol during all your pregnancies?

He’s not chosen to do this. It is quite cruel to eat it in front of him whilst he’s there salivating watching you.
Cant you agree to eat it when he’s out or go out to eat it?

If you’re worried about how he’d react to you choosing your own food and ordering what you want I’d say you’ve got bigger problems. Tell him to stop being a selfish prick and order what you and the kids want.

What sort of father would punish his wife and kids just because he can’t have it. Twunt!

YANBU. I’ve developed a dairy intolerance in the last 12 months (process of elimination to find out what was causing my IBS symptoms) which sucks massively. No ice cream, chocolate, even a cup of tea (it’s crap with plant based milk). I’d never dream of restricting DH and our DC to dairy free options. No reason for all of us to be miserable, is there?!

YANBU!

If you want to try a compromise though, get Thai? Mostly rice noodles so GF.

If you usually eat as a family, and you love him, then ordering a Chinese he can't eat seems quite uncaring. However if it's kids/ eating at different times of day without planned family meals then he can't dictate what they eat.

He's a controlling shit.

I'm lactose intolerant and I still buy the kids a dominoes.

I tend to walk the dog though while they eat it because otherwise it's torture.

Perhaps he could have one of these gluten free meals:

https://groceries.asda.com/product/heinz-baby-food/heinz-sweet-potato-chicken-veggies-pouch-baby-food-7-months/1000019306606

With a gluten free Farley's rusk.

You are equal in your marriage right? So if you want a Chinese you don't need his approval/permission?

I bet a woman would never say this to her partner and kids.

I'd buy one anyway. He's a CF

I am GF (quite recent)and my family still have one, I just do myself a stir fry and boiled rice!

YANBU I recently had to go gluten and dairy free and I wouldn't consider telling my DH what he can and can't eat.

Come off it. He is an ADULT. Absolutely pathetic.

Hmmm . I am coeliac. I LOVE Chinese. We have managed to find a local one with a (limited) GF menu. I'd never tell my family not to have something because I can't - however , they wouldn't have it if I couldn't join in and would choose something else.
Pretty much every meal I have is a massive compromise .
Maybe - just maybe - in these early days go along with it and then as he settles down I'm sure he'll relax . When you first have to give up all the foods you love it's overwhelming and I have before now ended up breaking and eating 'just a bit ' and being really sick .
Imagine being in a super strict diet and someone filling the house with cakes ?
He's being a but unreasonable but it's a horrible change so perhaps a bit of love and hope it's temporary .
Hope it all settles down. X