Husband and Chinese take away

[SeaSnakes1]

We all love a Chinese take away in our house - we have three teenagers. A couple of months ago my husband had to go gluten free. Chinese take away is limited in terms of gluten free options so he’s said he’d rather not bother- fair enough his choice.

He’s now said nobody else in the house can get one as it’s cruel. He adored the Cantonese chicken balls and chicken chow mien. I thought he was joking , but he’s not. He has seriously said that it’s totally unacceptable and unfair for anyone to get a Chinese take away.

AIBU?

@whatmummymakes no. It’s not the same as someone filling the house with cakes; it’s one single meal out of many. Being an adult is understanding that you can’t always have what you want, regardless of how shit it is.

It's not though for him is it? It's every meal he ever has in or outside the house . Being an adult also means showing compassion.
I agree he's out of order but I also think there's another to side .

I think you shouldn't WANT to eat it in front of him knowing full well he can't. If you were saying he kept eating chocolate in front of you when you were on a diet he'd be stomped on so hard so I really don't get the double standards from must of the comments!

I’m extremely supportive and sympathetic to his transition to gf eating. I buy all his favourite snacks (gf versions), prepare all his main meals and make his favourite sandwiches for lunch most days either with gf bread or rolls - sometimes if I have time I make bread as well.

I am not lacking in compassion as some posters have stated, I just want a night off cooking and fancy a Chinese takeaway!

@whatmummymakes @Tessabelle74 👏🏻👏🏻

I also can’t eat Chinese food due to allergies. Used to be my absolute favourite (could recall my order now by memory!) and my husband loves one too. It is annoying missing out - even the smell is torture when you can’t eat it 😂 but honestly I’ve gotten over it now and he regularly orders one! I just tend to live through him at this point.

Why are people suggesting it as a suitable alternative to a take away then when it's clearly in a different league? That's like suggesting that it's OK for him to drink a bottle of merlot because she's got a beaker of squash.

So you do all the cooking? You want one night off? FFS.

He needs to learn to cook.

No, it's like drinking cheap alcohol-free wine because you can't have alcohol but still want to feel like you're drinking wine. While everyone else drinks Merlot.

There isn't a way to please everyone here. He can't have what they are having.

You said you haven’t had Chinese since he went GF, and that you only would get one every 2 or 3 months. If he can’t agree to that very thoughtful compromise, he is being very immature and selfish.

Because of his attitude, I’d order the Chinese and have it in front of him.

I will never ever let anyone control what I eat. Get the takeaway and eat in a different room.

@whatmummymakes no, it isn’t every meal, because the OP isn’t saying she wants a Chinese takeaway every single night. She has been more than accommodating and he is pathetic and needs to grow up. Compassion 🙄 he can’t eat gluten, he isn’t dying ffs.

Is he normally such a controlling asshole?

I think it's mean too.

My DH has multiple diet limitations due to Crohn's disease and my DD has multiple food allergies. My attitude is that I'm lucky not to have to deal with everything they have to deal with and I can eat whatever the hell I want, but there's plenty of time for me to indulge my cravings when I'm not around them. Home should be a nice place for them where they don't feel left out. Unlike every time they leave the house and can't go to dinner with friends or eat the birthday cakes etc.

Nope would happen in my house I very regularly don't have a takeaway when my dp and ds do because I know if I do I'll suffer that night and a few days later I wouldn't dream of stopping them having something they enjoy because I can't have it

@LadyAtNumber9

I've had to go GF and DF but am OK about it. He is being overly controlling HOWEVER it's pretty mean to sit in front of him scoffing something he'd love but can't have

I can’t see anywhere OP has said she’s tied him to a chair to force him to watch her eat the takeaway or that she forbidden him from getting some delicious take out that he can eat.

I think he needs to sort his own GF diet out because he seems to have no conception of how much effort you’re going to for him if he can be so spectacularly selfish with you.

Sounds a bit OTT, especially as you say there are some options he could have, but he's not wanting to just because he can't have the exact thing he wants.

I’m extremely supportive and sympathetic to his transition to gf eating. I buy all his favourite snacks (gf versions), prepare all his main meals and make his favourite sandwiches for lunch most days either with gf bread or rolls - sometimes if I have time I make bread as well.

I think I would stop doing all this for him if he's going to be immature about your choice of takeaway.

So you have gone to all this effort for him, but hes being an ass trying to stop you eating a Chinese.
Stop making the effort, let him cook for himself.

And if he ever apologises you can then tell him that gluten free Chinese meals exist and he can search them out to either cook for himself or find out which places will do gf takeaways.

YANBU, and given how supportive you've been I think he is being pretty ungrateful.

The only compromise I'd offer is if he's the kind of person who's sometimes out of the house on any kind of regular basis, you could make it a tradition to have Chinese then. We always used to have a particular meal my mum didn't like when she was at her exercise class.

There are loads of options that are GF at Chinese take aways. Sounds like he needs a bit of time to adjust to his new dietry requirements. He can still have prawn crackers, sweet chilli sauce, rice, fung yoo, rice noodles, crispy duck minus the pancakes etc.

@Meltingpots

Any Chinese near me wouldn't cater to a GF diet as oils have to be changed, fryers, risk of cross-contamination etc.

We don't know the extent of his gluten reactions. My DH is wheat intolerant and can survive a little cross contamination. However, if he is celiac then sure your point in valid.

Hopefully, he will mature enough soon enough to allow OP and the children a chow mein. 🙄