Is it normal to have had enough of parenting kids 18+

[Mamabear2424]

I am exhausted and drained parenting teens and young adults, is it normal to feel totally like 'im done'?? Of course will always be there for them no matter what but i feel i want time for me now, time to think about me a but more. Am I being unreasonable and can other parents understand ??

How much ‘parenting’ of young adults are you doing?

Mainly lifts and reminding things but its just i feel i need the space to be freer????

Yanbu. I had had enough by about 12 really. Not sure if it makes any difference, but I was a sahm (plus part time worked around their school hours), then a single parent. So, I'd done more 'hours' than many others, so I'm not sure if that resulted in my getting to the I've had enough point sooner.

To the poster who asked what still needs doing - lifts!! Which can vary completely depending on your location and their hobbies.

I feel your pain! But my boy is mildly autistic across the board, but struggles more in some areas than others. Organisation is a difficult area for him.

I have a choice - I can either leave him to his own devices and watch things go pearshaped. Or I oversee and encourage him to remember and do things, with as much or as little prompting as required. He is getting better as he matures.

If he didn't have these obvious issues and could manage things if he put his mind to it, then I would be far more likely to leave him to it and let him sort it out himself.

Can you take a few steps back and start not always being available? If you get wind that someone wants a lift, could you disappear to the supermarket or round to a friend and say "oh sorry, if only you had told me in advance" etc.

How much parenting of teens? There's still parenting to do! Get them through the exams, break ups, lifts, making sure they have all the last few life skills you want them to have, food: so much of it is about food! Just hanging out with them. Making sure they've remembered to do the little job(s) you've asked them to do.

Just because (generally speaking of course) they don't need their arses wiping, doesn't mean there's no parenting!

Yes...I have a 17 and a 19yo. I'm fed up of both.
I'm also a single parent and have been for about 15 years. I'm past "looking after" them now. They're both old enough to sort themselves out but they both still ask 101 questions about stuff they already know! They also don't clean up after themselves despite years of me telling them to!!

Yes. Feels like we're still on while they are so determined not to be need anything everything is twice as much work.

Was your child aware of this?

I'm rather flabbergasted. My mother sacrificed everything for me and in my darkest moments, it has always been her love and devotion that has helped me through. I feel the same way towards my own child.

I am also a stay at home mother and I don't care my child is 12, 24 or 54, she will always be my priority in life.

I've been parenting for over 30 years now, and the youngest is due to leave home in a year. I am genuinely exhausted with it all!!!
I love them dearly of course but the stress never ends!

I think you'd better remove the stick from your arse @FluffyFlannery . Of course my children are loved and don't know. This is a post for other exhausted parents to empathise with others without listening ears.

Do they have any additional needs? If not, they should have already learnt to organise themselves and be able to get themselves most places. Occasional reminders and lifts are just something we do for those we live though.

Is learning to drive and having a car/use of your car an option? My son was driving and had a car by 18. Best thing ever and he now gives lifts to his younger sibling too.

*love

Ridiculous post.

You have absolutely no idea about the travel options available where the op lives, nor her finances to buy a car.

@FluffyFlannery

I'm rather flabbergasted. My mother sacrificed everything for me and in my darkest moments, it has always been her love and devotion that has helped me through. I feel the same way towards my own child.

I am also a stay at home mother and I don't care my child is 12, 24 or 54, she will always be my priority in life.

Lucky you. You clearly have the time and money to 'sacrifice everything' for your child. (Only child?) Those of us trying to hold down full time work, and parent our children are often knackered. By the sound of it you have the luxury to just be a mother. Don't judge others who are juggling work, elderly parents and late teens/young adults.

I too have had enough of being there for my grown up kids. Particularly as my parents are now well into their 80s and needing help. I'd like to make myself the priority in life for once. I've done 32 years of mothering now.

On the basis that I hated my parents constant flow of advise and telling me the way I ought to do things, I am trying not to parent my 19 year old. It's almost harder to bite my lip and nod and smile than say something though ...

Fortunately he has friends with cars, so lifts are very occasional.

You have absolutely no idea about the travel options available where the op lives, nor her finances to buy a car.

Which is why I said ‘IS learning to drive and having a car/use of your car an option?’....because I understand it may not be due to finances or other reasons!

Wind your neck in. 🤣

Yes! Im tired, single mum, used to live for every other weekend when they went to their dad's but they hardly go now because he lives too far out and they like chilling at home or meeting friends. DS is 18 and just finished A levels and I'm pushing him to get a job. DD is 15. I feel they are way more dependent on me than I was on my parents at that age.

Parenting seems to be much more full on now.

I grew up in the 80s/90s. Did my own homework, no one reminded, applied for jobs myself, Uni myself, worked out how to use public transport myself. Same as all my friends.

It just seems children are a lot less independent now.

I know what you mean op. Its mainly lifts here she just finished exams. Bit car pool for sports. But yes Im tired sometimes as elder parent in mix too. We on bus route too thank god

Ridiculous post.

You have absolutely no idea about the travel options available where the op lives, nor her finances to buy a car.

It wasn’t a ridiculous post. The poster asked if a car was an option, nothing wrong with asking that at all, they didn’t tell OP to go and buy them a brand new car at once.

We live rurally and therefore accepted that we had to give more lifts than if we lived somewhere with good transport.

why ridiculous? Presume your kids are much younger !

I feel they are way more dependent on me than I was on my parents at that age.

I agree @Knackeredmommy I think the culture these days has teens relying on us too much. It's not helped by the lack of public transport and mobiles meaning they have immediate access to us.

I did uni open days alone...5 hours each way on the train to get to them. I made my first job money last to buy me a car aged 17, then ran it myself. Spent minimal uni holidays at home and got married in my final term.

There's no way my children would do any of those things now.

Yeah my mum would have been considered at the “involved” end of the spectrum by 1980s/90s standards but she would be considered negligent today. Her involvement in unis was to remind me to do my UCAS form and give me a stamp.

i reckon in 10 years time the child psychologists will say “ oh you know all that attachment helicopter parenting we told you to do and how we said if you don’t listen to your dc drone on about their favourite Pokémon for 6 hours they’ll get low self esteem and anxiety,……..Well it turns out that’s bollocks. Sorry about that”

Yes to this.

We are shooting ourselves in the foot, we really are. As parents we are doing more and more and for longer and longer, no wonder we are knackered!

It's like a guilt based nuclear arms race. Can't not do it for your kids as other parents are doing it for theirs.

Mine are still primary age but I can't imagine them going off and being independent at 18, as I was.

Thank you those that relate, the problem is parents of young kids don't get it and probably think parenting stops at 18 yet it does not!! I am tired, i love them, they will always always be my priority of course but I'm done after such a lonnnnng time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!