Is it normal to have had enough of parenting kids 18+

[Mamabear2424]

I am exhausted and drained parenting teens and young adults, is it normal to feel totally like 'im done'?? Of course will always be there for them no matter what but i feel i want time for me now, time to think about me a but more. Am I being unreasonable and can other parents understand ??

My choice of where to live and activities for the kids has been strongly influenced by wanting them to be independent. I grew up being able to walk most places independently and wanted that for my kids.

They can walk / cycle to school, college, town centre, swimming pool, climbing wall, cinema.
DS was riding pre Covid and we cycled to the stables. DS knew the route and could have done it alone in a year or two. They closed down during Covid and the nearest stables is a drive away (nearly an hour to cycle). So we have dropped it as its just an extra thing for me to fit in. He can pick it up again when he's older and has his own transport if he wants to.

This is what helicopter parenting leads to - young adults who still need reminding of how to do basic tasks, including how to get to places without mammy or daddy driving them there.

I dont think its necessarily that, its just we parent for longer these days as young adults live at home more, they start work later. At one time people married at 16, 17 18 , a lot of my mum's friends did . Now we, esp mothers have a longer run of it and it does wear you down

Agreed @Mamabear2424 I do think parenting today is very different for many reasons. Longer time in education for one.

My dc are independent in many ways - can get transit to/from most of the places they go (though I still do drive them late night as I'd much rather them be safe) and yet still even with mostly independent transit the emotional load is huge.

thats it isnt it , the emotional load is crushing on mothers at times. Years back when people married much younger / left home they didnt have the parents with them all the time in the home as we do now. I never realised how exhausting it all is, the love will always be there but gosh i am tired.

Parenting of teens is harder than when they were babies when the parent was in charge. Now at 18, I have worries of them driving, drinking too much, drugs, self harm, abuse, exams, money, motorbikes, partners, sex etc etc. I look back at when they were 5 and think “ really what did I worry about them”.

I think we are also navigating the route left for us after nearly 3 years of completely unnatural life - both my kids’ puberty was overshadowed with Covid and lockdowns. My kids aren’t out all the time, they find socialising draining and enjoy their own company far more than we did as teenagers. I am their confidant, their counsellor and their verbal punchbag.

we also have huge access to unrealistic body image, beauty standards and the massive one - minute by minute detailed news about every world problem. The recent submarine disaster - my dc gave me hourly updates. They have access to the most brutal and depressing information and no tools to cope with it.

I think we’re in the perfect storm of teenagers and this weird, never before moment in history which struck stour dc at a time that is recognised as a difficult transition anyway.

added to the fact that university is at an all time astronomical cost, and buying property or even renting is becoming a pipe dream.

apart from being the utterly knackered mum, I’m really frightened for them.

Not sure how you avoid ‘helicopter parenting’ when there’s fuck all public transport, and that there is is horrifically expensive, drink, drugs and grooming are massive problems.

I feel this ! I have three dc , dd1 is 24 Ds is 18 and dd2 is 13 . My younger two are on the autistic spectrum and their Dad has depression It feels impossible some days .

Tbh I'm daunted by the financial side too. I'm ten years off retirement so money doesn't feel plentiful, and while I loved spending on younger child, the costs /benefits of supporting older teen who is largely silent or grumpy are very different !

Omg I love this post….it’s not just me!! My eldest two have left home but they are still extremely tiring.
i feel like a shadow of my former self.
I was speaking to someone else about this the other day and they said the difference was 20 years ago parents said no but parents feel guilty for saying no these days 🤔 maybe has some truth in it I know I struggle

I think the big difference is that 25 years ago I left for uni at 18 and apart from the holidays I basically never moved in again - because it wasn’t tortuously expensive to move out.
When I finished uni my (to be) DH and I bought a flat with a small inheritance that he had from a grandparent (£15,000 which was plenty in those days!) and of course a 95% mortgage with rates really low still. This was at 24 years old. We both had good jobs but not crazy high salaries (about 50k between us) - the main difference was that property just wasn’t as out of reach as they are now. We bought a flat off an old couple and slowly did it up, doing most of the work ourselves. We also got a fair pay rise every year.
I feel for younger people today, high house prices are a real problem, plus salaries not going up.

Yup. My parents had left home by 17, so I do feel slightly cheated! Parenting in this day and age is a completely different ballgame. It lasts FOREVER. Well, I know it does anyway, but you know what I mean. By the time mine leave home, I'll have elderly parents to look out for too. The gap between caring responsibilities these days is so small. I'm a single parent too.

Totally agree. I was the first in my family to go to university, and I was SO driven compared to my own kids.

• I'm rather flabbergasted. My mother sacrificed everything for me and in my darkest moments, it has always been her love and devotion that has helped me through. I feel the same way towards my own child.

I am also a stay at home mother and I don't care my child is 12, 24 or 54, she will always be my priority in life.*

Hark the stay at home parent to ONE child. Your life is as easy as it gets, so try not to pontificate!

It feels so rotten to blame kids for still being at home when the rental market is so ridiculous

We don't blame them. It doesn't mean we can't find it hard though

Could we do swaps maybe? I'd like to try one of those mumsnet perfect teens, maybe one that likes chatting? Just for a change

Oh thank goodness.
I don’t even think I helicopter parented very well, either. I don’t resent offering support. I think life is much more complicated than in the 80s and 90s and young people are not as trusted now as they were then in society.
But bloody hell im tired, and I’d quite like to have a few days of not having to answer questions or being a life coach.

Sorry, I'd be unable to help you out there

I never in a million years thought I’d agree @Mamabear2424

We have DS16, and we find it stressful and completely draining a lot of the time.

I don’t think it helps me being a much older mum. I just don’t have the energy or as much patience as I used to be blessed with.

what makes you think parenting stops at 18 ?

My eldest two have left home but they are still extremely tiring.
😆😆😆
Love it.

I have 3 daughters, two of whom are teenagers. I am on my own with them and NEVER have found my life so hard. I'm probably menopausal too, which doesn't help.
My sister has 3 boys (again, 2 are teens) and is loving life now that they're no longer little. They just seem so uncomplicated by comparison!

At their age they should be giving you lifts! Best thing about having adult offspring.

I prefer it to having younger children , never had the lifts though as I don't drive so they learnt to get themselves wherever they wanted to go