Is my manager being cruel?

[Thistulipisblooming]

I am 34, and work in a public sector. I’ve been in my job over 2 years and I’ve never taken a day off sick (not that it matters if I had)

My grandma has cancer and is now at end of life and coming towards her last days. I don’t have any annual leave to spend with her so I put in a request for special leave (which we get 2/3 weeks full paid). My grandma is also technically my mum, which makes this more complicated. My mum walked out when I was 3 and my grandma took over- I see her as my mum, she is my mum. She raised me.

So I spoke to my manager about this special leave and she said “oh it’s reserved for close living relatives, such as partner, children and mum and dad” so I explained that yes, my grandmother technically is my mum.

and she has refused the leave on the grounds that, as my grandma isn’t biologically my mum that it would be frowned upon as others have had to take it unpaid or on sick for their grandparents.

So now I will have to take it as sick, but unfortunately this is only statutory which won’t go far and she said should I put on your sick leave register now that you’re depressed? As she didn’t know what to put it under as I am not technically sick.

I want to take it to HR possibly but not sure if my emotions are getting the better of me so WIBU to request this leave?

and she has refused the leave on the grounds that, as my grandma isn’t biologically my mum that it would be frowned upon as others have had to take it unpaid or on sick for their grandparents
So she wouldn't grant leave for adoptive parents? They aren't biological either.
Just make it clear that you were raised by your grandmother. You don't have a mother. Your grandmother was your primary caregiver.

American Express, Lloyds Bank, Barclays Bank, Aviva Insurance, PWC to name a few I have worked for.

I work in HR in the public sector (yes, a thankless task if ever there was one!) and our policies are nowhere near that prescriptive. If a manager came and asked us about this we'd wonder why they were asking as it's their discretion.

But if they used their discretion ungenerously, we would not override them, because they are the manager.

Our holiday year is January. But noone gets statutory sick pay, even on day one you're entitled to two weeks full sick pay.

We have five days emergency leave paid, five days compassionate leave paid, five days bereavement* leave paid (extension of that at managers discretion) and we are just introducing a new five days carers leave paid. All annual. All can be used in any year.
(* Child bereavement is a separate line)
Any can be extended unpaid for up to three months.

Plus 30 days holiday. And sick pay up to 12m after five years service.

I work in an arms length body, but I'm not going to say which one.

In the past I worked in a high street bank, and that had pretty similar policies.

It'll be manager discretion unfortunately. If they know and believe your situation they'd have to be particularly heartless not to approve unless there are significant business reasons otherwise.

Taking sick can't be an option as you aren't sick.

Anyone can search for this company it's well publicised given the recent strikes.

You forgot reservist leave.

Oh what a sleuth you are!

No, it's not that one, and we've not been on strike (we're not even unionized). You know there are literally thousands of arms length bodies? We're small, very few people have heard of us unless they are in the industry where we work.
Also, just for information, an arms length body isn't a "company".

And I didn't "forget" reservists, that's not the type of leave this thread was about. But we have that too (it's a legal requirement anyway), as well as cadet training, volunteer fire fighters, territorial army training, public duties, three days volunteering at any charity, jury service, there's more but I've not got the list in front of me.

There aren't even 300, where did you get that figure from? Other than trying to make it up to avoid exposing your very very obvious employer

I think your manager is being cruel. I would certainly grant this. If she's concerned that you might be getting 'more' than other colleagues she could always say that she's happy to treat your grandma as your mum, but at the point your actual mum was to be in the same situation you would get it twice (if that makes sense?).

Go over her head to the head of unit or to your union.

You are being obnoxious. Why would you try to dox someone who clearly doesn't want something disclosed?

No, I do not work for who you think I do, I guarantee it. There are more than three hundred. But you're right, not thousands, but hundreds. Yet somehow, and for some really weird reason known only to you, you've got a bee in your bonnet trying to insist I work for a particular one. I simply do not work for that one. We have not had strikes (it probably wouldn't hit the press if we did, we have around 500 employees and we are not directly public facing). We've got the pay deal agreed, paid this week, backdated to April.

It’s very mean, you should be able to take compassionate leave. I’m a manager in public sector and would not think twice about granting this. I was also on the receiving end of a badly handled bereavement situation and I’ve never forgotten it, it’s very hurtful when you’re at your lowest ebb. I hope you’re okay x

And again - the OP does not work in the public sector. They work in a private school.

That's fabulous thanks. And they say that those in the public sector have it easy. We have nothing nearly as generous as the terms that the finance sector are offering. Apparently neither do private schools. But then I wouldn't want to work in the finance sector to be fair - my ethics wouldn't allow it.

Why hasn't the OP come back?

Only 2 posts and not really anything to go on.

I know a lot about how independent schools work. I had a friend who worked in one in the office (so yes, there was someone 'above' her) but they don't usually have a huge 'HR' dept unless you're talking of some very big public schools like Eton, Harrow, etc.

The admin team can be 2-3 people and the Head's PA. And of course there is the catering dept, and the Bursar's office.

@Thistulipisblooming If you are still reading, you should contact the Head of school. Email them via their PA and make your case.

I'd be wary too of getting 'depression' or similar (stress) listed formally as your reason for going on sickness leave as it could be there in a paper trail in future and be seen as a negative when you apply for other jobs.

i suspect op has not come back when she realised she’d said that she worked in the public sector and then when proved about holidays - changed it to private education.

and then thought she couldn’t be bothered backtracking

so wandered off for a name change and to start another thread

I'm a manager in public sector. Definitely escalate this. A leave policy is to bed used at managers discretion and in this case absolutely appropriate.

Sorry to hear about your grandma, do make sure you take the time off to spend with her.

Op I'm confused as to how you say you work in the public sector but in a private school.

But regardless, back to the point. Is it possible for you to take unpaid leave?

She has been told she can take unpaid leave.
It's paid leave that she wants, though.

Note to self: RTFT!