Incident at MIL’s. Am I being a ‘hysterical mother’?

[Freyawiththeblondehair]

I’m really upset. For full disclosure I have obsessive compulsive disorder in part based around fears of contamination and chemicals, so that may be playing a part in my reaction to this.

This afternoon we were at MIL’s house, it was lovely and sunny so we were all out in the garden. She can be a bit lax around safety with the children who are 1 and 3 so we don’t leave them with her unattended anymore. Nothing awful, but she’s just not very ‘on it’, although I am aware I can be over protective.

My 3 year old had a toy watering can and was ‘helping’ her water her plants. I popped to the toilet and when I got back, MIL had taken some chemical plant feed from her shed, had my child help her ‘mix it’ and was watering the plants. Not only this but my child’s hands were under the spray, ‘ruffling’ the plants as she watered them (if you see what I mean). I washed his hands straight away and ordered him to keep away from the watering can, and told my partner immediately what had happened. He just kind of shrugged in an embarrassed way saying ‘well he isn’t eating it’.

I made our excuses and we came home but I am absolutely livid. Livid at MIL, livid my partner didn’t intervene and directly tell her not to use chemicals around the children, and livid with myself that I didn’t kick up a fuss. But I’ve had a few run ins with MIL before and feel I’m painted as a ‘neurotic, hysterical’ type. And I never know if my reactions are proportionate because of the OCD.

Am I right to be really angry about this? With both of them?

But then, water is chemical. Lettuce is organic matter. I would have no problem with putting my hands on either.

It sounds like Miracle Grow - you dilute it in the watering can. It’s a bright blue powder.

I thought you were going to say it was ingested - ruffling the flowers whilst granny is watering is pretty harmless. Obviously wash hands after to be in the safe side.

Miracle Gro and other chemical plant foods are grim. As an organic grower, I don't believe they're good or necessary, and would prefer to eat things that haven't had things like this added.

As a professional gardener, I would keep follow the instructions on the box, and think your MIL (and her precious son) are both unreasonable to think that pouring it over your toddler's hands is ever acceptable. <I don't have OCD>

YANBU. I wouldn't let my kids touch the miracle grow or the weed killer. They help me clean at home, its honestly more trouble than its worth, but I give them a damp cloth. Her attitude is too lax and yours is a bit over the top. Hopefully, you can find some middle ground.

FYI, I also have OCD. I'm trying really hard for my kids not to be impacted. They are. My daughter asked me twice if I checked the taps before leaving the house. I lied and said I was going to the toilet but I was actually checking the taps. I had to start over. What help are you getting? I think I really need to try to get support again.

OP (and anyone else who has no idea but just wants to label everyone as nuts 🙄) this is the Material Safety Data Sheet for Miracle Gro

https://lsbindustries.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/Miracle-Gro%C2%AE-Tomato-Plant-Food-18-18-21.pdf

Anything too chemical and dangerous would have killed her plants, so the likelihood is it is perfectly safe (there is of course minimal risk of a skin reaction) but as a fellow OCD sufferer @Freyawiththeblondehair I know exactly how hard it is to regulate your thoughts, objectively you KNOW it is fine, but when you have an obsession you have it, and there is no way you can be rational about it. It really is debilitating.

It was a pretty daft thing for granny to do tbh. It’s concentrated nitrates and phosphorus which can be really irritant, and cause chemical burns. She clearly doesn’t understand how to use them safely, even on the plants, as you are supposed to use it directly onto the soil, avoiding pouring it onto the leaves as it will just burn/kill them.

It does say wear eye protection So I don’t think it’s an over reaction.

YANBU OP, all those fertilisers are full of chemical crap. Diluted or not. Do not get the posters saying otherwise. So bizarre.

OP - all the people on here being condescending and “feeling sorry for your kids” “get help” are horrible. And obviously help for OCD is useful but don’t feel like you are less of a mother to your kids or your feelings are less worthy or you are damaging them by acting rationally.

YANBU to be miffed that grandma thought mixing chemicals with a toddler is a good idea. Or using them with them.

I think it’s important to not push anxiety into our kids, but calmly suggesting you go wash your hands and leaving a few minutes early is not excessive.

I’d be more worried MIL didn’t know. And if she didn’t know probably hadn’t mixed the correct ration or for long enough.🤷🏼‍♀️

I wouldn’t let my kids use plant food at that age. (I have a chemistry degree if that’s useful to add).
What I would say is…in this situation….take a picture of the box before you leave so if you didn’t need help you can show what it was. BUT - washing off quick will more than likely be ok in this instance.

YANBU

Whilst I understand your concerns, you totally overreacted and probably really upset your MIL. How rude it was to gather up and leave, she probably feels awful.
Please continue any treatment as I am sure your OCD is affecting more than just you and could have quite an impact on your children.

Yep, I can’t imagine what sane person would pour plant food over a small child’s skin.

I’m only half joking OP when I ask —are you sure you do have OCD or are you, in fact just surrounded by fucking idiots?

This

Suggest that you sound like a pompus twat.

I wouldn't want that shit anywhere near my toddlers, no, @Freyawiththeblondehair

I've always taught my kid to just wash her hands after touching anything that I wouldn't in her mouth or on her skin for a long time. This includes paint, glue, glitter, slime, play dough, dirt etc. I wouldn't feel upset if her grandma did this when she was 3 as she would know to wash her hands afterwards. I hope you feel better with this as life will be very stressful for you if not

OMG this!!! So this.

Or in their eyes

Fucking idiots who shrug a fair bit, to indicate 'I heard you but my central processing unit hasn't quite warmed up yet'.

You see fairy liquid as a harmful chemical? Have you never made bubbles for your kids or god forbid, used a little for dirty hands?
I don't necessarily think you're wrong to be upset about MIL but I do think this post and your reaction is way OTT.

And you were all there, and your child wasn't about to stick his hand in and eat it, because you are watching.

As has been pointed out, it's organic matter and it was heavily diluted. My toddler granddaughter (with her parents around and happily joining in) has frequently watered this stuff in to the plants in my garden and her auntie's. She loves helping.

We wash her hands afterwards, and her auntie keeps anti-bac in the shed for post gardening hand care.

YANBU. I wouldn’t want my toddler involved with that either. My husband, who works in landscaping, would’ve snapped. Kids that age put their hands in their mouths without thinking.

No reason MIL couldn’t have done her spraying another time.

1. It's NOT organic matter.
2. anti bac isn't going to help with skin or eye irritation from nitrates.

Staggering ignorance by some posters. Maybe they're taken in by the advertising, and think that Miracle Gro is some harmless friendly substance.

OP it's a pity you mentioned your OCD, as you've seen that has given many a sad individual a reason to be unpleasant and stick the boot in.

No, fertilizers are definitely chemicals and you should not ingest them. They are not designed to be eaten, they are designed to add the correct nutrients to the soil for the plants to take up and then chemically turn into a different substance which we can eat.