Incident at MIL’s. Am I being a ‘hysterical mother’?

[Freyawiththeblondehair]

I’m really upset. For full disclosure I have obsessive compulsive disorder in part based around fears of contamination and chemicals, so that may be playing a part in my reaction to this.

This afternoon we were at MIL’s house, it was lovely and sunny so we were all out in the garden. She can be a bit lax around safety with the children who are 1 and 3 so we don’t leave them with her unattended anymore. Nothing awful, but she’s just not very ‘on it’, although I am aware I can be over protective.

My 3 year old had a toy watering can and was ‘helping’ her water her plants. I popped to the toilet and when I got back, MIL had taken some chemical plant feed from her shed, had my child help her ‘mix it’ and was watering the plants. Not only this but my child’s hands were under the spray, ‘ruffling’ the plants as she watered them (if you see what I mean). I washed his hands straight away and ordered him to keep away from the watering can, and told my partner immediately what had happened. He just kind of shrugged in an embarrassed way saying ‘well he isn’t eating it’.

I made our excuses and we came home but I am absolutely livid. Livid at MIL, livid my partner didn’t intervene and directly tell her not to use chemicals around the children, and livid with myself that I didn’t kick up a fuss. But I’ve had a few run ins with MIL before and feel I’m painted as a ‘neurotic, hysterical’ type. And I never know if my reactions are proportionate because of the OCD.

Am I right to be really angry about this? With both of them?

I would guess that anything that you can pour on plants to nourish them isn’t going to harm your child. Surely if it had anything harmful in it it would kill the plants?

I actually wouldn’t have liked it at all. A lot of People are too lax around Chemicals / cleaning products with kids

It strikes me your reaction to the plant food is as though it were a carcinogenic weed killer.

Many gardening sites and information suggest wearing gloves all the time gardening.

I have a box and mine doesn’t say wear goggles. Nor does it say don’t use around children.

Then yes. I wouldn't leave her unattended around your child. Many household chemicals can be dangerous and she can't be trusted.

No I think she shouldn't have let your DS stick his hands under it, that was silly, I wouldn't let my kids stick their hands in diluted plant food. It's not a major panic but it's not great. Just like I wouldn't let them stick their hands in their own wee. It's probably harmless but I still don't think it's a good idea and I'd want them to thoroughly wash their hands after.

Definitely an overreaction.

Hard to tell if it’s not ideal - would depend on what it was.

But broadly speaking you obviously need to get this sorted OP or it’s going to drive a wedge between you and your kids, apart from anything else.

Totally agree. The warnings on the box are for a reason.

I think less people would be calling you unreasonable if you hadn't mentioned your OCD. Mumsnet isn't pleasant at times unfortunately.

I wouldn't like my child getting those all over him, when, as others have mentioned, three year olds are notorious for putting their hands in their mouths.

The user instructions from miracle-gro on the Sainsbury’s website say to use gloves and wash any splashes off skin. All plant feed is a mix of concentrated chemicals and most come with clear warnings that they can cause irritation to skin. Bizarre that so many replies here show no awareness of this. You were reasonable in your response, OP.

I wouldn't have liked it either OP. I don't like getting it on me, nevermind a young child.

I totally agree with you. I use chemical plant feed on my plants and I am fastidious about washing my hands afterwards. No way would I let a child, especially a 3 year old who is prone to putting fingers in mouth etc, anywhere near it. I adopted my son and during the rigorous assessment we had to prove that we kept items such as this behind child proof locked cupboards. Your son should have just been given a watering can with plain water in it.

This is a recommendation for a lot of fertilisers. I would not want DC around when I use these. If it is a bio fertiliser it may contain guano. NPK fertilisers contain nitrates, which can be irritant (and poisonous if ingested, or in larger amounts inhaled).

OP, please get help for your ocd. My now 75 yo mum never did and passed on barrels of irrational fears to me and my siblings. My mum's ocd was v much around ''chemicals" and I still feel ill when I see perfectly low risk things she associated with being overly chemical in the 80s/90s from green apples to freight trains carrying fertilisers. We're only dismantling the impact now, in our 40s and trying to disrupt the pattern for the next gen. The product is irrelevant really because your kid is OK, so you know it was a mild solution. The far, far more damaging thing is your terror. I'm super sympathetic but want to give you a view of how this may play out!

It's OK not to want your young child to have his hands under the chemicals as it was poured.

However, I think a gentle, let's wash our hands and get some gloves on would have been fine.

I don't think I'd have been angry and left.

Good luck with your OCD and I hope you can find a way to ease it. It must be so stressful for you and your family.

Ok so I accept it probably wasn’t ‘really really’ dangerous (thank God) but I’m surprised so many people would be fine with their small child’s hands being covered with an irritant? Would you actually or are you just ok with it on here because it isn’t your child? If you see what I mean.

I think you are right OP. Look at the label if it's the miracle gro Powder! Some nasty chemicals in that! I wouldn't have been very happier with her and the label does state wear gloves not to be used near children etc. I might also have OCD however. My MIL once took great delight in casually dropping into lunchtime conversation that one of her tomato plants she picked which had a cat poo underneath it grew the tallest of all and the biggest tomatoes. I nearly vomited up my salad. You have my sympathies.

There would be warnings on the box because, well, the general public are assumed to be pretty thick! Although you wouldn’t want to be sprinkling it on your cornflakes there would be nothing in plant food that would worry me diluted on skin and washed off.

Please try not to worry your kids op - an acquaintance of mine has similar issues…kids were staying overnight with grandparents and the screaming could be heard all down our road, because one of them had washed their hair in non-organic shampoo!

If the box says not to get on bare skin then you aren’t being over the top.

I absolutely would not be ok with it. Same as I wouldn't be ok with diluted bleach.

Your poor MIL.

I mean how long until the child puts their fingers in their mouth? Usually pretty soon. That miracle grow powder sounds very nasty chemical wise. I think you did the right thing.

I wouldn’t scream about shampoo any shampoo is fine with me.

It’s my thinking too. There was no need to do this with children it could wait. Also I would be cross with DH - you left for a few minutes and he forgot about everything. It’s very annoying and tiring when you can’t go to the toilet because you can’t trust that other adults will apply common sense. Common sense in this situation would tell me to do this later when my grandkids left.