Incident at MIL’s. Am I being a ‘hysterical mother’?

[Freyawiththeblondehair]

I’m really upset. For full disclosure I have obsessive compulsive disorder in part based around fears of contamination and chemicals, so that may be playing a part in my reaction to this.

This afternoon we were at MIL’s house, it was lovely and sunny so we were all out in the garden. She can be a bit lax around safety with the children who are 1 and 3 so we don’t leave them with her unattended anymore. Nothing awful, but she’s just not very ‘on it’, although I am aware I can be over protective.

My 3 year old had a toy watering can and was ‘helping’ her water her plants. I popped to the toilet and when I got back, MIL had taken some chemical plant feed from her shed, had my child help her ‘mix it’ and was watering the plants. Not only this but my child’s hands were under the spray, ‘ruffling’ the plants as she watered them (if you see what I mean). I washed his hands straight away and ordered him to keep away from the watering can, and told my partner immediately what had happened. He just kind of shrugged in an embarrassed way saying ‘well he isn’t eating it’.

I made our excuses and we came home but I am absolutely livid. Livid at MIL, livid my partner didn’t intervene and directly tell her not to use chemicals around the children, and livid with myself that I didn’t kick up a fuss. But I’ve had a few run ins with MIL before and feel I’m painted as a ‘neurotic, hysterical’ type. And I never know if my reactions are proportionate because of the OCD.

Am I right to be really angry about this? With both of them?

I wouldn’t want my hands covered in that stuff either.

I try to specifically buy pet safe plant feed to not harm the wild birds in my garden but there are still warnings to always wear gloves and if seeking medical attention to keep the original packaging. I wouldn't be happy for a child to have it poured on them even in diluted form.

I'm going to say i don't blame you OP.

'Fun with granny' doesn't need to involve mixing chemicals for plants and running it over 3 year old's hands!

I wouldn't do it to my kids and i wouldn't want it done by anyone else.

I think you dealt with it fine by washing his hands asap and not making a big fuss though.

I think for the sake of family relations you'll just have to spend the next few years being observant when round there.

sounds understandable to be upset, but an over reaction to come home imo

Years ago my neighbours grandson drank miracle gro. They rushed him to a&e who said he'd be fine, but did joke about a growth spurt!
The issue here seems to be more about your OCD which is what you need to get help with, otherwise daily life will bw unbearable for all of you.

Sorry @Freyawiththeblondehair you are being massively unreasonable. You need (if you aren’t already) to get help with your OCD as there is a real risk of passing on your issues to your children. Please seek help for your OCD - I have it and it is debilitating but there is help available x

OP says they were minutes away from going home anyway.

I think it was best to just go when you did and keep quiet about it.

Or if they have cuts!

@Freyawiththeblondehair I'm really sorry to add to your confusion, but I agree with your first reaction. Did you point out the warning to your MIL because anyone using chemicals should always read the label on a newly bought product - well preferably before you buy it actually.

Not sure why everyone is jumping on OP with being unreasonable.... to me, it sounds unreasonable to NOT be hacked off with this given the chemicals and warnings on the box. OP... YANBU.

So Fairy Liquid vs Nail Polish remover? They’re not in the same league.

nail polish remover wants carefully dealing with, fairy liquid I would give the bottle to my child alone and say have fun with the bubbles! (Assuming they understand not to drink it!)

You are massively over-reacting and I think, kindly, that you may need some support with your thoughts.

Your child is fine.

Would all the posters here saying OP's reaction is OTT really be ok with miricle gro being watered on their 3 year olds hands for fun? And the box of powder being left on the floor?

Sorry but you are being unreasonable here

How did you child react to your behaviour? This must have been disconcerting for him?

I used to work in the horticultural industry. I now write risk assessments as part of my job.

there is No Bloody Way I’d let a 3yo handle plant food. It’s a fucking stupid thing to do.

to allay your fears in this instance OP, splashes of diluted miracleGro aren’t too bad in the scheme of things. But it is irresponsible bordering on stupid to involve small children in handling garden chemicals of any description. You don’t want them becoming familiar with the stuff and thinking they can ’help‘. Some plant foods genuinely can be hazardous to humans— especially the so called organic ones. Eg Fish, Blood and Bone or the Turkey pellet manure can carry pathogens. I have small kids, and I do use those in the garden, but only when the children aren’t there to see me do it.

and for the muppets on here saying “ooo if it doesn’t kill plants, how can it harm a human? ‘. FFS. Things can be good for a plant and bad for a person.

Do get help for your OCD issues. It is an over reaction (washing hands is enough, no need to be angry or stressed).
My mum had severe anxiety and it's only now I have children that I see how severely it affected me. I struggle too but have forced myself to take a step back where I can

We are organic gardeners, so we don't have any chemicals for feeding the plants. We do have organic plant food. However, I would still not allow my children to put hands in it for one reason- small children are very quick to pop their hands in their mouths.

However, my children do very much enjoy gardening- pop some little gloves on and they will love it.

She knew what she was doing when she waited till you were in the bathroom.

She has a habit of this doesn’t she? Your husband never stands up to her, she is used to getting her own way, and when you say anything she stands there pretending she doesn’t understand why you’re upset.

I’ve see it all before.

Odd odd odd. 1/2 of MN are completely OTT (IMO) with washing towels and bed linen at at least 60C - to get them clean, to use towels once so as to not spread germs, to use antibac all over the place, to regard carpets as DISGUSTING, yet are pretty blasé about known skin irritants in plant food.

I have Miracle Gro and wear gloves and am pretty careful with it. It also stains your skin blue.

OP, I would not have been happy in your shoes. Apart from any potential irritants, it's really poor form to have your 3 yo help mix it; he should be being taught to stay WELL AWAY from anything like that.

I would probably not have packed up and gone home, but if your DH was not supporting you I can see how the whole situation felt awful.

I’d tell my DC to stop ‘ruffling’ the flowers when they are being watered, and take them off to give their hands a good wash. It doesn’t need me to storm off. The child hasn’t learned anything for a start.

Suggest that you , also, might need support with your fears.

OP, this is not your OCD IMO.

What a nasty comment, when the OP is upfront about having OCD and asking for a reality check.

OP: my reaction would have been to be appalled that MIL was mixing chemicals with DC and seemed unconcerned about them getting it on their skin. I wouldn't have been furious, but I would have - just as you did - made sure they washed their hands quickly. But I think I would have said something to MIL like, 'oh I think it's not a good idea to get this on your skin, we need to wash DC's hand'. I understand that your OCD might have made it difficult for you to say anything for fear of being dismissed as over-reacting.

Same.
Yet everyone is so quick to jump on op’s ocd and make out the plant feed on a child’s bare skin is fine.