Incident at MIL’s. Am I being a ‘hysterical mother’?

[Freyawiththeblondehair]

I’m really upset. For full disclosure I have obsessive compulsive disorder in part based around fears of contamination and chemicals, so that may be playing a part in my reaction to this.

This afternoon we were at MIL’s house, it was lovely and sunny so we were all out in the garden. She can be a bit lax around safety with the children who are 1 and 3 so we don’t leave them with her unattended anymore. Nothing awful, but she’s just not very ‘on it’, although I am aware I can be over protective.

My 3 year old had a toy watering can and was ‘helping’ her water her plants. I popped to the toilet and when I got back, MIL had taken some chemical plant feed from her shed, had my child help her ‘mix it’ and was watering the plants. Not only this but my child’s hands were under the spray, ‘ruffling’ the plants as she watered them (if you see what I mean). I washed his hands straight away and ordered him to keep away from the watering can, and told my partner immediately what had happened. He just kind of shrugged in an embarrassed way saying ‘well he isn’t eating it’.

I made our excuses and we came home but I am absolutely livid. Livid at MIL, livid my partner didn’t intervene and directly tell her not to use chemicals around the children, and livid with myself that I didn’t kick up a fuss. But I’ve had a few run ins with MIL before and feel I’m painted as a ‘neurotic, hysterical’ type. And I never know if my reactions are proportionate because of the OCD.

Am I right to be really angry about this? With both of them?

I had a nasty reaction to diluted liquid plant food. Came out in blisters so I don't think youre unreasonable not to want it on his skin.

But i think you were unreasonable in how you handled it.

It was a powder that mixed with water to make frothy bubbles, like washing up liquid would. It was nearly time to go anyway we didnt storm off or anything, just sped it up by 10 minutes or so. And I haven’t said anything to her but I thought I would consult a neutral opinion first because the OCD does cloud my judgement.

You have to protect yourself with goggles and gloves while using? What sort of plants is she feeding?

Honestly it’s fine diluted, what type was it that says you need goggles? Or did you maybe make that up, to justify your reaction?

I think in future as you work on a path to controlling or recovering from your ocd why don’t you let your husband take the lead on things like this? So you know if your reaction is right or due to your ocd?

Triffids. No only joking lol. Regular garden flowers, I don’t know their names, not good with that kind of thing.

Did it really say you need to wear goggles to feed the plants? I’ve never heard of this in all my life

Do you know if the name of the food? You must do if you know what it said on the box.

No I haven’t made it up, it was on the box. I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m justified as that would mean my child was exposed to something dangerous, I’m just relieved it seems they haven’t.

I’m really surprised at the number of YABU reactions you’ve gotten on here.

Yes you probably did overreact a little, but given your issues, which presumably are known to your family, I don’t honk it’s particularly surprising.

if he was just helping water, fine, but the fact his gran was letting him get it all over himself is just daft. Anyone with had a brain cell knows what 3yo are like for sticking their hands in their mouths.

Please get help for your OCD OP, don't let your anxieties affect your poor children.

Ok you know what was on the box, but you don’t know the name of it?

Was it miracle gro?

@OrwellianTimes OrwellianTimes · Today 20:08
Plant feed is organic matter not “chemical”,

Everything is Chemical! And shit is “organic material” would you let your child put their hands in it?

YANBU at all OP.

I wouldn't be happy about this or let my children get something like that on their hands or in their mouths.

I’d be more upset if someone was “ruffling” my flowers and/or watering the foliage instead of the roots.

@OhFGSwhatTFnow if he was just helping water, fine, but the fact his gran was letting him get it all over himself is just daft. Anyone with had a brain cell knows what 3yo are like for sticking their hands in their mouths.

Very much agree with this. Can’t believe the number of YABUs. Plant food is toxic for young children!

I thought that but you don’t need to wear Goggles etc to use that. It’s just wash splashes off skin, so can’t be,

Well yes it is an overreaction but if your MIL knows about your problem it would have been wiser in retrospect to have run it by you.

We grannies don't always get it right in our offspring eyes, but we try

If they eat it yes.

You have not overreacted. The product went on your child and is not to go on the skin. I’d not have my child unsupervised at all there.

Hello OP. Oh, I know this worry so well. When I'm having a reaction I suspect is an OCD reaction, I turn to the people around me and see how they're behaving. You did the right thing by asking on here before losing your cool with MIL. What she did was fine. Your anxiety doesn't know/accept that though, so be kind to yourself.

I think you've probably been a bit over the top to be livid op.
They were doing a nice thing, you need to watch that by telling your DC to wash their hands and stay away from the watering can that you don't pass your anxieties on to them, as they will pick up on small things like this

It's not ideal that your 3yo got it on their hands. But I think you can just mention it for next time - if you're round there again and the watering starts, just ask MIL to let them use water only.

I think it was miracle gro! it was definitely something gro. I suppose I see it like fairy liquid or nail polish remover, no it wouldn’t burn my child’s skin or make them ill if I poured it on their hands, but it would be a silly thing to do as if they put their hands in their mouth it wouldn’t be great for them would it? It just seems like a big lack of common sense on her part.

Exactly this. I'm really surprised people are so unconcerned about a small child getting chemicals on their hands which could easily then go in their mouth, if there are warnings on the box, they're there for a reason.