Incident at MIL’s. Am I being a ‘hysterical mother’?

[Freyawiththeblondehair]

I’m really upset. For full disclosure I have obsessive compulsive disorder in part based around fears of contamination and chemicals, so that may be playing a part in my reaction to this.

This afternoon we were at MIL’s house, it was lovely and sunny so we were all out in the garden. She can be a bit lax around safety with the children who are 1 and 3 so we don’t leave them with her unattended anymore. Nothing awful, but she’s just not very ‘on it’, although I am aware I can be over protective.

My 3 year old had a toy watering can and was ‘helping’ her water her plants. I popped to the toilet and when I got back, MIL had taken some chemical plant feed from her shed, had my child help her ‘mix it’ and was watering the plants. Not only this but my child’s hands were under the spray, ‘ruffling’ the plants as she watered them (if you see what I mean). I washed his hands straight away and ordered him to keep away from the watering can, and told my partner immediately what had happened. He just kind of shrugged in an embarrassed way saying ‘well he isn’t eating it’.

I made our excuses and we came home but I am absolutely livid. Livid at MIL, livid my partner didn’t intervene and directly tell her not to use chemicals around the children, and livid with myself that I didn’t kick up a fuss. But I’ve had a few run ins with MIL before and feel I’m painted as a ‘neurotic, hysterical’ type. And I never know if my reactions are proportionate because of the OCD.

Am I right to be really angry about this? With both of them?

But why did she do expose him to chemicals even once? She can’t be trusted.

DOWN WITH CHEMICALS!!!!!

Oh…….

https://deciem.com/en-gb/everything-is-chemicals.html

Yes chemicals are everywhere but what does that prove? This article is about the safety of beauty products, we are talking about fertilisers. Obviously there is no label mentioning the need of using goggles and gloves on creams because the chemicals/levels used are low risks. But this is not the same for other products. Think of bleach for example.

OP said it was a box of powder, and “I think it was miracle gro! it was definitely something gro.” The link I posted was Miracle Gro powder, and the instructions don’t mention goggles.

Language. If OP is concerned about “certain chemicals” then that’s the phrase to use. Not just chemicals, because absolutely everything is made of chemicals, including us, and the vast majority are fine in normal use. Even too
much water will kill you.

Yeah, I guess if she’s completely lacking in common sense she won’t understand the difference between chemicals in suncream and or other products made and tested for human use and consumption vs chemicals in fertilizer or cleaning products.

Better explain that in case she’s an idiot.

I wouldn't be impressed either OP. Instructions on the box like that are given for a reason.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I do not put my hands directly into any type of fertilizers and I certainly wouldn't allow a toddler to use their hands in fertilizer. Years from now you could be wondering why the child has an unusual cancer.

Yep my alarm bells are ringing if she waited until you were gone to do it.. That is exactly what my MIL used to do!! E.g. I went to the loo at the restaurant and no sooner had I gone I hear she shoved her finger in her ice cream dessert and stuffed it in my 2 month old's mouth so she could watch him 'have his first taste'. She knew I wouldn't approve as we were nowhere near weaning and kids aren't really supposed to have dairy until they are one year to avoid allergies etc? Of course it wouldn't kill him but she knew it would seriously piss me off, to her sadistic delight. It's so annoying because it's little things to get away with it in front of others but basically is them trying to say 'i'm in control' and I don't care about what you think. Lack of respect. But if you raise it you feel like you are being unreasonable! And usually you are someone who doesn't like confrontation. Which they love watching you squirm even more! I would never have believed it until I lived it. Watch out OP, there will be more incidences like these!

Don’t worry OP - on either front. Your LO will be fine if you washed their hands, but it’s also perfectly natural to have heightened awareness of danger through pregnancy and when your LOs are small. It’s actually nature’s way of helping you protect them. If you also have OCD that will be heightening your response. Having said that, your MIL won’t have any of that going on so probably genuinely didn’t see it that way.

@Calliopespa you've resurrected a thread that ended in July.

Ah have I! Thanks - I’m stuck in bed and bored to tears!

You acknowledge that you have OCD, but have acted like shes in the wrong? She hasnt done anything wrong and you have over reacted and also out your issues onto you son. Poor behaviour I'm afraid.