Incident at MIL’s. Am I being a ‘hysterical mother’?

[Freyawiththeblondehair]

I’m really upset. For full disclosure I have obsessive compulsive disorder in part based around fears of contamination and chemicals, so that may be playing a part in my reaction to this.

This afternoon we were at MIL’s house, it was lovely and sunny so we were all out in the garden. She can be a bit lax around safety with the children who are 1 and 3 so we don’t leave them with her unattended anymore. Nothing awful, but she’s just not very ‘on it’, although I am aware I can be over protective.

My 3 year old had a toy watering can and was ‘helping’ her water her plants. I popped to the toilet and when I got back, MIL had taken some chemical plant feed from her shed, had my child help her ‘mix it’ and was watering the plants. Not only this but my child’s hands were under the spray, ‘ruffling’ the plants as she watered them (if you see what I mean). I washed his hands straight away and ordered him to keep away from the watering can, and told my partner immediately what had happened. He just kind of shrugged in an embarrassed way saying ‘well he isn’t eating it’.

I made our excuses and we came home but I am absolutely livid. Livid at MIL, livid my partner didn’t intervene and directly tell her not to use chemicals around the children, and livid with myself that I didn’t kick up a fuss. But I’ve had a few run ins with MIL before and feel I’m painted as a ‘neurotic, hysterical’ type. And I never know if my reactions are proportionate because of the OCD.

Am I right to be really angry about this? With both of them?

YABU kids have to be exposed to some risks it’s how the learn and I’m sure you MIL isn’t that silly. I think you ruined a nice moment between your son and his grandma but it’s understandable considering but in future try to assess the situation before being so reactive you will make life hard for yourself and your family if you don’t get some grasp on your condition!

This is about the most sensible response on here, imo

Exactly, well said

Google miracle grow.
It says very clearly wear gloves. Wash off any you get on.

U are hysterical as in ha ha.
this is obviously a wind up

This is nonsense. There is immunity with chemicals like plant fertiliser. Immunity comes from exposure to viruses/bacteria. (And even organic fertiliser like manure contains bacteria that’s too dangerous to be exposed to intentionally for a 3 year old who can immediately put their hands in their mounts)

it really shows that UK educational system for some reason thinks that chemistry is too hard for most people to study. Level of ignorance displayed here is shocking

should read “there is NO immunity”

If you do to your SIL what MIL described here does, you should take a long hard look in the mirror

Any chemical is potentially dangerous to children, you are right to be concerned. It's not your OCD kicking in but mums instinct, OP.

Well done for taking action quickly.

YANBU, OP
https://www.healthline.com/health/fertilizers-and-household-plant-foods

Your child should be fine if they didn't have an immediate reaction.
The problem is that we ourselves are very lax with our own safety and don't think anything of it.
So while you're right to be cautious about things like this, it's important to take a deep breath, explain nicely and gently to MIL about your fears and please next time can she follow the instructions on box when your child is around or at least make him wear gloves?
Don't get all het up and start arguments as it's important to be calm and not alienate people. Yes, he should've worn gloves and maybe grandma should've mixed it alone, but once it's been diluted with water it should be fine for your child to handle as long as they wash their hands afterwards.

Your reaction by most people’s standards would be OTT ,but you are not most people & have a serious mental health condition which affects your judgement and reaction to situations.
My late father had ocd and as a child I did not realise,I only knew that he was an angry man and that one moment he was fine and then seemingly the slightest thing would have him in a rage. It was not until I was an adult that I recognised that anger was actually panic and fear. His 4 children spent their childhood walking on eggshells and scared of setting him off, my 3 brothers still haven’t forgiven him despite the knowledge of his condition.
Seeing as an adult the sheer torture he lived with, broke my heart, the worst was after his death when I found his notebooks with lists and records, though it was predominantly his fear of germs that were the main issue. I have myself some ocd tendencies, but recognising them have worked in nipping in the bud.
My father didn’t seek help as he feared losing his job as a consultant psychiatrist, yes I know, you couldn’t make it up. Despite suffering himself he helped many folk over the course of his life, but at great cost to his family.
This is not your fault, there is help available but I think you need a psychiatrist rather than a therapist. There are medications that are useful and look for someone who uses Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. You can get better, sending you a big virtual hug.

Nonsense, she is 3 years old!!! The MIL should know better. Read about chemical fertilisers before making inappropriate comments.

@LimePi

I think I totally failed chemistry.

I fully understand you don't expose young skin let alone any skin to stuff like miracle grow.

It's callous and irresponsible.

This was in response to @Seagull97

@Feraldogmum

You do realise that miracle grow very clearly states... Wear gloves and wash any product off.

Ops ocd has nothing to do with this.
It's what is called am red herring.

Eg I'm terribly anxious, am I being ott by not wanting to walk down a dark alley at 4am where heroine addicts hang out and there has been weekly stabbings?

Oh yes go and get help for the your God dreadful anxiety fancy living like that. 🙄

No she does not need additional support for the way she handled this issue.
Her reaction is entirely appropriate to the situation i.e. being very unhappy about her young child being exposed to caustic chemicals.

@Ilovebigbooks.
Again.

It's not fine at all.

No product should go on bare skin.

I wouldn't panic if a little got on me but I wouldn't hold a watering can with it in and pour it onto their hands in a constant steam and then they rub eyes etc

No! It's not ok!!

I didn't say it was okay, I was trying to reassure you that if your child hasn't had a reaction by now, then they'll be okay.
AsI said in my post, try to be calm when talking to ppl and explain rather than freak out and isolate them.
It makes a lot of difference

I’m sorry about your grandfather, however in OP case, her reaction has nothing to do with OCD, she has been a responsible parent!

YABVU to be furious with your MIL. She was engaging with your child which is lovely, and they were doing an enjoyable activity together. Is it ideal he got plant feed on his hands? No. Is it the end of the world? No. Just wash his hands and he’ll be fine. Your child will have a miserable childhood if this is your attitude towards everything. We can’t wrap our children in cotton wool. Don’t turn a fun activity with granny into stress/ a row and don’t make your MIL terrified of doing anything with your child because of your extreme anxiety.

No - you most certainly are NOT being unreasonable. Just because something is "organic" doesn't mean it can't be toxic or caustic. https://whyfarmit.com/is-plant-food-poisonous/ The clue is in the instructions on the box , as you say, about wearing gloves and goggles when using it, and to avoid contact with bare skin and using it around children. Some people are far too cavalier, using these products without observing the safety recommendations. They are printed on the box for a reason. Stick to your guns - you're being a responsible parent.

No yiu are not being unreasonable, not all plans stuff is safe, yiu have every right to be mad at your MIL. She should have been more careful with garden chemicals.

@Victoria319 You can change your vote - just click on the opposite box where you vote and it should switch over.

Wow that's severely ott op.

OP everyone needs to distinguish between rational fears based on fact and irrational fears and just because someone has OCD does not automatically mean their fears are irrational. As is clear from this thread many people are appallingly ignorant with regards to hazardous substances and are too quick to dismiss sensible advice.
Alsojust because symptoms do not appear instantly it does not mean harm is caused eg insecticides previously cast about with gay abandon which are stored in human fat cells.