Wanting love and a relationship, when you don’t want sex. is it possible?

[IsThereAnEchoInHere]

I think it’s a no. At least going from my experience.
I’m a romantic fool and always wanted a life partner, I’ve been single all my life, but never learn to be very good at it.
Although I’m not sure loneliness is something you can ever get used to.
Well anyway, learned young and pretty fast tgat everyone just wanted sex.
Lost my hope in live even being real for awhile, and also thought that let them get the sex out of their system - I can wait and then focus on things that actually matter.
Well, older I and we all got, but they still demand sex.
I’m probably on my last moments of trying to find someone and it’s just not looking good.
Is it possible to find a partner if you can’t have sex?
It just seems so unfair.

Well said!

Not everyone does. Not saying there's anything wrong with OP's stance, but OP is here asking for suggestions so we're all brainstorming... and we don't know OP at all

We're also on the Internet, which is never a replacement for face to face conversations. Only a side show

To me it sounds like OP could start with a "best friend"... because what's the difference between the love of your life and your best friend?

That particular scenario was never on the cards, though. It's like asking would I feel tortured by being eaten by eels; yes, I would. No one has suggested OP is likely to be forced into a lifelong marriage to a sex maniac.

OP, I've never had a libido, never had "urges". I don't desire men or women. Bodyparts don't turn me on. I find people just don't understand not wanting/needing sex - they always seem to think something is wrong with you, or that you "just haven't met the right man/woman yet, or say might you be gay etc, or think you must've been thrgouh some kind of sexual trauma.

Sometimes, we simply don't need it or desire it or see humans in that way. As others have said you can look at the asexual dating websites as there are people who are looking for a purely romantic/no sex relationship, though you'll find the men are few and far between who don't want a sexual relationship either. But it's not impossible. Good luck in your search x

Many, many things. Intimacy and shared life and closeness. To suggest the only difference between a best friend and a sexual partner is sex is daft.

People asked why OP knows she doesn’t want sex. She knows she doesn’t because that is what a life time of a ‘normal’ sexual relationship feels like to an asexual person. I’ve had sexual relationships because I thought there was something wrong with me, and I just needed to get over it. And I wanted children. But that’s exactly what having a perfectly normal amount of sex felt like for me. Torture, daily at times. Weekly at best. And I couldn’t sustain it. and I am still traumatised by it over 15 years later. People are suggesting that OP try a sexual relationship. That’s an incredibly damaging thing to do.

This.

It's exactly the same as if, ten years ago, OP had posted she only wanted to have sex with women.

The replies would be ridiculous to that, and are to anyone saying they are asexual too.

Good luck OP - another one suggesting you get on the dating apps, set your orientation to asexual and see what happens. I think you may need to be open to someone living further away, but it sounds like you're very motivated.

I have seen profiles of asexual men (not many, but they do exist) on the apps I use :)

I agree re Reddit. How strange to assume that asexual = people who talk about sex from reading Reddit 🤣

Join as many asexual dating sites as you can find (avoid reading Reddit)

It's unlikely you'll find your life partner in the place you now live, but reaching out to your tribe throigh those dating sites will , I'm sure, mean that you'll click with someone

www.asexualcupid.com/heteroromantic-asexual.html

Were we all raging homophobes in Ye Olden Days of 2013? 😁

Do you feel like that about all aspects of sex? Would you try BDSM? Anal? Kink? Watersports? Threesomes? Why ever not? You might love them, you don't know for sure until you've tried them!

Are you saying the the only difference in your feelings between your best friend and your partner is that you have sex with your partner?

Also, the message that even if you know you don't want to do something sexual, you should do it anyway because you might actually like it, is incredibly dangerous and damaging.

Exactly. What utterly horrifically vile advice.

I think that at this point no matter what I’ll say it will be tear it down and say ”not like that, no one else thinks/feels like that”!

But romantic evening that jumped into my mind straight away was walk in nature, fall time, all the colours. Both are so comfortable with each other don’t even have to say anything. Just their presence is wonderful, safe, filled with love. Wanting to just be there.

Then end up on a beach, start a little camp fire, night starts to fall, looking at the stars, closeness, point out some stars and then do that funny gentle shoulder to shoulder push and just smile at each other, happy to be there, no rush.

Ah, that would be amazing!
I want that so much!

Thank you! ☺️

But romantic evening that jumped into my mind straight away was walk in nature, fall time, all the colours. Both are so comfortable with each other don’t even have to say anything. Just their presence is wonderful, safe, filled with love. Wanting to just be there.
Then end up on a beach, start a little camp fire, night starts to fall, looking at the stars, closeness, point out some stars and then do that funny gentle shoulder to shoulder push and just smile at each other, happy to be there, no rush.

Ah, that would be amazing!
That sounds like an enjoyable evening and there'll be someone out there who wants that too, just from a smaller pool of people.
You deserve someone who wants that and values that time for what it is, not having to make compromises or turn a blind eye to scratch someone else's sexual itch.

They never made it into relationship stage.

Crushes, from both side sometimes (actually one man professed his love, but pretty much ran and left a man size hole in the door once I told him that sex wasnmt my thing 😅)

Series of dates, multiple once - but same ending.

One did say there were fine, and were, but not for long. Apparently I was suppose to change my mind and had the nerve not to. So that was it. Didn’t last long, too embarrassed to say how short it lasted.

Without wanting to sound generalising, I think that some people would see your asexuality as a challenge. What do you think @IsThereAnEchoInHere

@JupiterBiscuit
I’m sure some would.

I didn’t know about asexuality for a long time, and even once I learned about it wasn’t comfortable to call myself that (as I said ages ago, so many asexuals said they do have and like sex, so didn’t think it meant / fit me).
But, when I’ve tried dating, and was honest that I didn’t want it, few didn’t believe, I was told I haven’t been with ’right one’ followed by that horrible smirk thing, ’dated’ one for little while - who then started to get angry and called me names and became really pushy.
And got the whole ’but it’s me’ and ’I thought you weren’t serious/would change your mind / be normal.

When was your last date if you don't mind me asking.

@JupiterBiscuit
Little over three years ago.
I had to put dating an a hault, because I couldn’t take it anymore.

Do you feel ready to try again? Dating can be a lottery at the best of times. You come across as a confident person who knows what they want and doesn't give up until they have achieved what ever it is they were trying to.

I like that you know yourself and are clear about what you don't want. Realistically you are going to have a very small dating pool, so finding someone who wants the same and that you fall for enough is pretty unlikely (sorry). I think I would skip dating sites and join hobby groups or meet up groups (if you don't mind groups). When people ask you about dating or for dates I'd say 'I'm open to friendships, I'd love to meet up'. I think your description of the relationship you want sounds lovely, but idealised (not many days irl are like that) but I presume you can also find joy in the mundane parts of companionship such as pairing each others socks or putting your feet up.

Reading your 'ideal romantic date' I am left wondering what happens after the walk and the sitting by the fire and the shoulder nudging and little smiles. Do you just go home? No kisses, no hugs? I think this is where it will be hard to find a companion. It is just not very romantic for most people. It's....nice. But not romantic. You are very platonic and I think the difference between what you consider a friend and a romantic partner are very small. Good luck. I hope you find your ever after but I do think it will be a challenge