Wanting love and a relationship, when you don’t want sex. is it possible?

[IsThereAnEchoInHere]

I think it’s a no. At least going from my experience.
I’m a romantic fool and always wanted a life partner, I’ve been single all my life, but never learn to be very good at it.
Although I’m not sure loneliness is something you can ever get used to.
Well anyway, learned young and pretty fast tgat everyone just wanted sex.
Lost my hope in live even being real for awhile, and also thought that let them get the sex out of their system - I can wait and then focus on things that actually matter.
Well, older I and we all got, but they still demand sex.
I’m probably on my last moments of trying to find someone and it’s just not looking good.
Is it possible to find a partner if you can’t have sex?
It just seems so unfair.

Although one poster has suggested you are upfront with this on a dating site. Maybe that would work?

Asexual people exist, as do asexual relationships.

Just a case of meeting someone likeminded (which I'm guessing takes a bit more work and effort)

Good luck OP

also worth pointing out most dating apps/sites (I think even Tinder now), have the option to set your sexual orientation to asexual so hopefully you only match with someone you'll be interested in

Yes, you’re right. I did add to my post. I wish the best of luck to OP, too

Judging from many threads on here, tons of men don't want sex and it's the woman wondering whats going on.
So they are out there.

QueefQueen80s
I think on here there are a lot of relationships that started off with sexual intimacy and then for whatever reason it stopped being a priority for one or both people.

It often surprises me how frequently a poster says they've gone off sex/are happy in a sexless relationship and there's reply after reply saying that DP/DH should suck it up and be happy with a sexless relationship indefinitely.

Thanks for the positivity 😂

I know it’s seems impossible, and like I said to the one poster:
I have tried to give up, but my system just won’t let it go.
Changes are I’ll keep breaking my heart, but I guess that’s better than truly just give up and years from now wonder ’what if’.

I keep telling myself everyone deserves love. I mean abuser, addicts, criminals find love. You’d think at some point my time would come too!

I’ve had a change of opinion since I posted. I think I’m behind the times! Please read my other posts and other people’s who have advice about websites etc. 🌺🌺

What about other physical contact? Hand holding, kissing,hugging etc?

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus
Hand holding is fine.
Hugging, maybe a quick one.
Kissing, no.

I think the initial post dismissing sex as something for silly young'uns to get out of their system probably didn't help the responses you got. That shows a lack of understanding as to what sex is for most people. I've only ever had sex with my husband and I don't really see it as shagging, as you put it.

There are people out there who don't want penatrative sex but the chances of meeting someone who also doesn't want long hugs or kisses, where you are attracted to them and they to you, are quite slim without moving location. Do you travel much?

It is hard to separate romantic love from sex. Sex (touching -kissing etc and not only penetration) is an expression of that love.

(Sex without romantic love is something different altogether. )

You seem to be looking for an exclusive friendship. (A friendship that is like a continuation of childhood'best friends' - where you are vital to each other- talk all the time- want to be together but kissing/sexual touching wouldn't be considered.)

Yeah, I personally just don’t connect love and sex. Totally fine that others do.
It just doesn’t for me.

Sex without romantic love is something different altogether.
I don’t think there is a universal, only one way or rule to this.
I’ve felt romantic love - many times, still didn’t want sex - with any of them. So I’ll have to strongly disagree with this comment.

You seem to be looking for an exclusive friendship.
Again, no.
I’d like to find a life partner.
Friendships only go so far.

@AndIKnewYouMeantIt
And like I said in the later comments, I was only talking about myself, meant no personal offence to anyone else / didn’t think people would go and make it about themselves, since this thread was about me, and that I only ever really tried to explain how things were in my head.
At that time. I’ve since learned that many people truly are very serious about sex, I do believe they are being honest when they say it, as cracy as it is to me.

MN is pretty huge, so I thought I could see if anyone has / knows a relationship like this, to see if there was any hope.
That’s all.

Again, no.
I’d like to find a life partner.
Friendships only go so far.

Are people really saying the only difference in feelings between their friends and their partner is that they have sex with their partner?

I think that's why you're struggling so much. To develop the type of bond and relationships you want, there needs to be intimacy,closeness, comfort. Sex isn't always necessary, but limiting physical contact to just hand holding and maybe a brief hug is well... limiting when developing a relationship.

I think it is very unlikely that you will find what you are looking for in all honesty. Sex almost always forms part of a loving romantic relationship. Couples may wait until they get to know each other on a deeper level but at some point sex comes in to the relationship. I know a few couples in open relationships, one was decided more or less from the beginning and they both have sex with other people. The other was an already established relationship where one partner had suddenly gone off of sex completely, but this is actually quite difficult for the person who does want sex because they still very much want it with their partner, but occasionally have to get it elsewhere like an itch that has to be scratched. The danger being what if they meet someone who not only scratches that itch but gradually becomes someone who they could happily spend the rest of their life with.

@slashlover

Many people have said so / do seem to have this belief.

Well, I can do and try my best.
Like for kissing, I would be willing to see if I can do quick peck on the cheek for example.

For comfort, a short hug and then holding their hand would suffice, etc.

With a kind and patienced partner, I’m more than willing to see and learn boundaries and comfort levels.
Not a hufe suprise that I’m not a touchy-feely person, but I’m willing to try, as long as it’s not [some adjective here, I’m not sure what word to use, so that no one takes it as me having a negative view]

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus

@sweeneytoddsrazor

And I’m okey with open relationship, as long as it’s only about sex.

@IsThereAnEchoInHere if you don't mind me asking, are you neurodiverse?

You’re more than entitled to feel how you feel, and do what you want to do.

But I think you will struggle to find someone similar. For most people sex and ‘romantic’ love are inextricably linked.

How old are you, if I may ask?

As explained to you several days ago, for most people sex is part of a loving relationship.
So you're trying to find a partner who is happy to have 'cold' sex with no emotional connection AND you're hoping there's another person out there who's willing to be the 'sex only' partner to your potential partner. I think that's all very unlikely to happen.

OP but it's not just sex is it. You don't even want a snuggle or long hug and kissing beyond a peck on the cheek which you will try and consider really suggests you don't really want any physical contact short of sometimes maybe holding hands.

I'm not sure what you mean by romantic. You say you've felt romantic before. If that didn't include wanting to hold and be held by and kissing or hugging what did it include? Walking side by side?

What do you class as loving and romantic OP? Would you want to share a bed or would it be separate beds?

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus
if you don't mind me asking, are you neurodiverse?

No, I’m not.
Why?

@Hibiscrubbed

How old are you, if I may ask?

What do you class as loving and romantic OP?

To me it’s the feeling (I know it and have expirienced it) that I have. I just know how I want to get to know them, more deeper. To share and build a life together. Care and value about them and vice versa.
Again just me personally, don’t associate touching to love or caring.
Totally fine that others see that as caring/loving, sex included, my brain just doesn’t.

I have tried, for years to change myself, fake being like ’everyone else’, force myself, read everything I can, hope - dream -prayed (and I’m not, not was raised religious, that’s how desperate I’ve been).
I’m not being difficult on purpose or choosing this.
This really is how and who I am, if I could just change it, believe me - would have done it years ago. It’s so lonely and isolating to only get the message how wrong/different I am.

But I can’t fixed this or change it or force myself.
Tried it all.

Would you want to share a bed or would it be separate beds?

As long as they don’t snore, fine 😂