Wanting love and a relationship, when you don’t want sex. is it possible?

[IsThereAnEchoInHere]

I think it’s a no. At least going from my experience.
I’m a romantic fool and always wanted a life partner, I’ve been single all my life, but never learn to be very good at it.
Although I’m not sure loneliness is something you can ever get used to.
Well anyway, learned young and pretty fast tgat everyone just wanted sex.
Lost my hope in live even being real for awhile, and also thought that let them get the sex out of their system - I can wait and then focus on things that actually matter.
Well, older I and we all got, but they still demand sex.
I’m probably on my last moments of trying to find someone and it’s just not looking good.
Is it possible to find a partner if you can’t have sex?
It just seems so unfair.

For me it isn't a romantic relationship without there being a sexual aspect to it.

I'm sure there are people out there with similar wants to you though. It's just finding them.

I wonder how easy it will be for them to make the transition to a sexual relationship after an entire decade of chastity. I'd imagine it would be quite awkward.

Most people want sex. And most people wouldn’t be okay without sex in a relationship. At least not until they were much much older.

But of course there will be others who, like you, want a loving relationship but without sex. But you’d most likely have to look specifically on an asexual dating site to find someone who wants that.

YABU because it sounds like you're not being honest from the outset! If you don't want sex, then you need to tell potential partners that from first contact.

It sounds like you lead them on by giving them sex and just hoping they'll lost interest. That's not an acceptable way to go about finding a long term partner who shares your needs and values.

There WILL be someone out there who doesn't want sex, but you need to be honest and not lead them up the garden path by offering them something and then taking it away again!

Sex in most relationships is pretty important, particularly in the beginning of a relationship when you're getting to know each other, that means mentally, emotionally and physically.

It is OK to not want or enjoy sex, everybody is different. I could be wrong but I feel that given your aversion to physicality in relationships, your use of "demanding sex" is perhaps a little unreasonable, however it is unrealistic to think that most people in the early stages of dating and establishing relationships don't expect/want it. Anyone that DEMANDS sex, is not right for you, nobody has the rights to your body but you.

If its too personal and you don't want to answer that's totally fine and I am sorry for prying, but can I ask why you are against sex? Is it a genuine lack of interest, fear of sharing your body intimately with somebody else or generally finding the idea of it unpleasant? I truly hope you haven't had any sex related trauma and if you had, you are getting/able to get help with that.

There are plenty of asexual people, and I haven't looked myself but I would be surprised if there aren't dating sites for asexual people who want romance and intimacy without a sexual aspect. Intimacy isn't all about sex either.

I can near guarantee that you will not be single forever and there are plenty of people out there that want just what you do.

I wish you well, you'll be alright x

** I agree with pps that have said that you need to tell potential partners from the outset that sex isn't something you want in a relationship. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing this, it is what is best for you and people you are interested in. Set your boundaries from the outset, people that are not cool with that aren't right for you but there will be plenty of people out there that will want to be with you, for you and not your body

It's certainly possible but I think you'd need another person who was asexual/dislikes sex, and have to be upfront about that from the start.

The way you view sex - as something to get out of your system, and doesn't really matter - isn't how most people view it. Even people with relatively lower libidos.

Which is why an open relationship where the open part is sex only wouldn't work for you, I don't think, because sooner or later they're going to have great sex with someone they presumably get along with well enough to have sex with, and they're going to wonder why have a relationship with no sex when they could have one with it. And that would be upsetting for you, I think - I might be wrong, but I think your expectation of a relationship with a sex-liking person isn't realistic.

You need to date people who don't want sex at all, otherwise you're always going to be asking someone to compromise on what their idea of a romantic relationship is, which is a recipe for disaster.

You just need to find someone who is asexual, much less complicated than any other options. Just look for asexual dating online, I'm sure it's a thing now.

I’ve always been honest, and it has always been the end, so I’ve veen single all my life.

Yes, I’d be fine with them having sex with other people, as long as it just sex.

For other’s saying my views are ’negative’, I really don’t see it. I just tried to explain honestly from my side, that’s all. I think people took it personally, if you’re okey with sex - then happy shagging to you, it’s just not for me. That’s all.

I know it’s hard to find (been trying to find it all my life), I just hope it’s not totally impossible.
Living hole life alone, without love sound horrible to me, and I just don’t want to live like that. Again, this was more about my sadness, not for other’s to take personal offence!

To be romantic feelings and attraction is totally seperate from sexual one’s.
So I don’t have this problem.

No, I’ve never lied.
I was always honest.
Sometimes they lied and said is was okey, then started pressuring me to do it. Or called me names, even when I was always honest from the very beginning.
I’ve never had sex, with anyone.
And never will.

Based on older women I know (my mother's generation, now around 80), from a devoutly Catholic society, even much shorter timeframes of being together without having sex took a fair while to iron out once sex was 'permitted' after they married. The aunt of a friend of mine once said to us that it took her and her husband four months to have full penetrative sex after their wedding, because they were both so used to going so far and no further, and because they had both internalised so strongly the anti-sex imperative, it took a long time to flip the switch from 'You mustn't' to 'You should, in fact, you have to' -- bearing in mind, too, that 'artificial' contraception was forbidden for Catholics so there was no sex that wasn't also the potential beginning of a pregnancy.

It sounds like you're somewhere within asexuality? They tend to separate out romantic attraction and sexual attraction, so can be (for instance) heteroromantic asexual.

There are asexual dating sites.

I can wait and then focus on things that actually matter.

Sex does really matter to a lot of people. You sound asexual. There are other asexual people out there. Find one. Asexual dating sites?

OP you need to look at asexual dating. Not wanting sex is a sexuality of its own and you will find a community online and in your local big city, and def could find a life partner.
It's way more common than heterosexual people would believe.

Why is that anyone's business? Would you ask a lesbian why they're a lesbian?

Yes!

Exactly, because you're not asexual and OP is

OP have you tried asexual dating sites?

Many posters have pointed out that this is the method most favourable for finding a partner to meet your needs who will be happy with the same kind of relationship as you will.

I am rather old and have had LOADS of sex. I really cannot be bothered to have any more, but I don't feel the need for a romantic relationship either. You are rather stuck in a hole where you really want a romantic relationship but no sex.

There's really nothing romantic about an open relationship in my opinion, so your only alternative is finding someone asexual.

I dont think romantic love exists without sex. Sex is the glue that makes people fall in love at the beginning and keeps them in love. Without sex there is no passion and need, without passion and need it's not love, its friendship. And in most sexless marraiges at least one partner is deeply unhappy due to no sex.

You can't expect people to not want sex because you don't, and you're very dismissive about how important sex is to the vast majority of people for all of their lives. If you want a sexless relationship then you need to be upfront about that. Having sex you dont want to try and trap somebody into staying with you is vile.

Hi OP, I think you sound fairly unusual, honestly.

For the majority of people, love without sexual feelings is platonic love, like friendship or sibling love. Do you have friends and siblings that you are close with? Are they enough for you to be contented in your life?

If not, and you want a loving, romantic partner, then that is typically a relationship that would include sexual feelings, at a minimum, and most likely kissing and touch, etc. Are you looking for a relationship that includes kissing and romantic touch but not full sex? Can you explain why sex is something you don't want?

In any case, here's a link to an asexual dating site - perhaps you might find others who want the same (unusual) thing that you want: https://www.asexualcupid.com/uk/

I wish you all the best.

I don't think anyone's taking 'personal offence', you just seem to have internalised some odd views about sex. It's fine for you not to want to do it ever (obviously), but your attitude clearly isn't 'neutral but not for me', it's other people 'demanding' sex, you feeling they should eventually come to share your view it's unimportant and getting irritated when they don't and continue to find sex important even when older.

You need to come to terms with the fact that you are extremely unusual in separating your feelings of 'attraction' from 'sexual desire' (and I'm still not sure what that means to you in practice, as for most people 'attraction' is at least in part sexual -- where, for instance, do you stand on kissing?), that what you are looking for is extremely unusual, and that you are severely limiting your potential pool of partners for romantic commitment in ruling out sex from the outset.

I hope you can find what you need, but you are absolutely going to have to seek out fellow asexuals and be pro-active.

You do realise that many people still don't think that homosexuality is real? That it's a choice, and an abomination? That's the same as your thoughts on asexuality.

Of course romantic love exists without sex. It just doesn't for you. But it does for OP.

And sex as an expression of that

It's possible to find someone as long as you're open about what you're looking for.

You probably also need to make it very clear that "I'm not interested in sex" means sex is off the table in the relationship, and that there's no doubt or suggestion that you might change your mind / it's a temporary situation/you'd consider it for the right person.

The dating pool is likely to be a lot smaller because for many people, even those with lower libidos, sex is an important part of a relationship.