Wanting love and a relationship, when you don’t want sex. is it possible?

[IsThereAnEchoInHere]

I think it’s a no. At least going from my experience.
I’m a romantic fool and always wanted a life partner, I’ve been single all my life, but never learn to be very good at it.
Although I’m not sure loneliness is something you can ever get used to.
Well anyway, learned young and pretty fast tgat everyone just wanted sex.
Lost my hope in live even being real for awhile, and also thought that let them get the sex out of their system - I can wait and then focus on things that actually matter.
Well, older I and we all got, but they still demand sex.
I’m probably on my last moments of trying to find someone and it’s just not looking good.
Is it possible to find a partner if you can’t have sex?
It just seems so unfair.

OP - have you tried specifically asexual dating sites?

It's not fair to expect someone to be in a relationship with you and to outsource sex. It doesn't work like that. For most people, sex is the physical expression of a loving relationship; the intimacy and mutual pleasure takes the relationship from a friendship to something deeper.
Like many previous posters have suggested, what you're looking for is an asexual relationship which you're best off finding via a dedicated asexual dating site. You seem to be ignoring this suggestion. Why?

There are people who feel the same way but they are a minority. Most people want sex to be part of their relationship. Even after being together 17 years sex is still an important part of our life as a couple and something we prioritise and make time for. I’m not saying we wouldn’t stay together or that all the things we love about one another wouldn’t matter if for some reason one of us no longer wanted or was unable to have sex but it would also matter that we lost that aspect of our relationship. If I hadn’t built a life with and grown to love my partner but was just starting a relationship I wouldn’t consider doing so with someone with no sexual desire. I don’t think either of us would be happy in that scenario

It's not fair to expect someone to be in a relationship with you and to outsource sex. It doesn't work like that. For most people, sex is the physical expression of a loving relationship; the intimacy and mutual pleasure takes the relationship from a friendship to something deeper

This. If your partner has a sexual desire they will want sex with you, it expresses and deepens their affection for you. No-one will continue in an early relationship where they are told to have cold and meaningless sex with a woman whose body they are using. They will just leave you (as you know from experience).

You need to find someone else who also doesn't want sex.

I’m sure there must be asexual dating apps

I have a family member in their thirties who is in a sexless relationship. Her choice, her partner says he doesn't mind and just wants to spend time with her but not sure if he will always feel that way and be happy to remain a virgin for life.

I think a pp put a link to one upthread. Or downthread which ever way you have it set 😊

Agree.

OP you need to be honest.

And I'm so sorry you've forced into sex. If you don't like it, you don't need to do it.

Wanting sex isn't something that will go away and you will not feel loved when your potential partner either cheats or leaves you because of a sexless relationship.

I hope you find a like minded person and stop putting yourself through this, it must be horrible for you.

*you've felt

OP you have posted this recently. Did you try any of the advice to tailor your search to the asexual community?

I think you may benefit from reframing your views of sex from 'everyone else is demanding sex unreasonably, it's an annoying preoccupation they will grow out of and it isn't important' to accepting that there is nothing wrong with asexuality, but it is a minority orientation so you will need to look in appropriate places and be totally upfront that you are asexual. This means stipulating that you will not want sex ever, it is not that you just haven't met the right person or have a low libido. Check a potential date's understanding before meeting.

I understand there are asexual dating sites and Facebook groups. Whilst doing OLD I saw some men (not loads but a couple popped up) who said on their profile that they are asexual looking for a romantic partner. Not sure if they had success on mainstream sites but they were clear and I suppose using it for wider exposure.

I'm not sure your idea of an open relationship with your partner seeking sex elsewhere is necessarily the best thing to aim for. Not saying it could never work but there would always be the risk of a partner with sexual desires finding their sexual and romantic needs fulfilled elsewhere. I think this could become hurtful and messy for you compared to seeking out someone similarly asexual.

Possible, yes.

But since most people probably expect it, it's something you probably have to make clear at the start of a relationship. Otherwise you are going to get a lot of false starts.

For better or worse I think most people feel a relationship implies sex, rather than relationship perhaps sex or relationship no sex.

It is definitely possible as I have done it, although it happened by chance really. I'd certainly do it again.

I appreciate the help and suggestions of asexuality, I really do.

And I’ve read some asexual online chats, but they pretty much all talked about having sex and liking sex. So it didn’t make a lot of sense. Apperently it doesn’t have anything to do with actually having sex or not. So I don’t think that is me.

But I did still look if there is some dating sites for asexuals anyway.
I live in a small town, in a small country, so there isin’t any kind of asexual dating sites/pages.

Again, I do value any and all kinds of help and kind advice. I really do.
I’m terrified I’ll end up all alone at this if I can be totally honest.

Do you have friends and siblings that you are close with? Are they enough for you to be contented in your life?

I’m an onlya child.
And no, friendships aren’t enough.
They don’t (obviously) want to share and build a life with me.
We may care for each other, but we don’t love each other, and certainly not in a romantic sense (yes, I know many see ’romantic’ as sexual. My brain/body just doesn’t).
They live their lives and move on, I also want to do that with someone I love and cherish.
I don’t want to spend my whole life just observing others getting what I also want.
I want deep relationship too.

Well, to be brutally honest, if you are looking for relationships with only a tiny subset of people in a small town in a small country, your chances of ending up alone are probably considerably higher than those of people with less niche requirements of a relationship, or with a bigger potential pool. Would you consider moving to a big city to improve your chances?

@IsThereAnEchoInHere I'm on mainstream dating apps and have definitely seen a couple of profiles of men who stated they are asexual and not looking for a sexual relationship - so there are definitely people out there! And I'm guessing most people wouldn't put it on a profile.

Little confused by your earlier post but guessing asexuality is more nuanced than just not wanting sex maybe?

Wishing you the best of luck in finding a romantic partner

So what distinguishes a ‘romantic’ relationship with no sex from a friendship, for you? I certainly love my friends, some have been in my life for longer than my DH, and we’ve spoken seriously on number of occasions about living communally in our later years (assuming we outlive our spouses).

Little confused by your earlier post
What was confusing?

Would you consider moving to a big city to improve your chances?
If I found someone first. Maybe.
On my own I couldn’t afford it, and as of now, there wouldn’t be anything there for me.

It is definitely possible as I have done it, although it happened by chance really. I'd certainly do it again.
@JupiterBiscuit
So happy to read that this. Thank you!

Mostly it’s a feeling, I don’t know how to explaine it to someone who doesn’t already know.
Isin’t there any other feeling or ’pull’ or attraction to your partner other than sex (yes,yes, important and all that) but don’t you have that feeling in your body that you want to share and build a life together.
I always had that strong urge or pull or whatever, my system just knows that I want to get to know them / we’d be good together.
Friends are totally different, they can ho on about their lives, happy to see it. But I don’t want them that close.

Am I right in thinking you're looking for all the things most people do, like loyalty, honesty, respect, and kindness, just without sex or physical contact?

I see platonic love different to romantic love and I think you can have romantic love without sex. You can still have intimacy without sex.

I've had lots of sex and am married and still have sex but I wouldn't have ruled out an intense romantic relationship without sex. To me sex is just sex and can be done with whoever.

As many, many people on this thread (and perhaps on previous threads too) have pointed out, you are asexual. You need to go on dating sites for asexual people or include your asexuality in your dating profile of a larger all inclusive dating site. It’s exactly the same as being gay, or bisexual or whatever. If you were gay you would make sure you dated women, you wouldn’t date men and then get annoyed that they were the wrong sex.

You say you have tried looking at asexual dating sites and that people were talking about having sex. That is rather strange and confusing. However, being asexual means not wanting to have sex. You just need to persist with being upfront about your asexuality. Of course, there are fewer people with this orientation but you really need to stop being annoyed with non asexual people for wanting sex.

I think it's possible, but highly improbable. You talk about sex in a very negative way and say 'get it out of their system' or 'just want sex'.
Dispite what is portrayed, very few men want just sex with a partner. Most want emotional intimancy as well as physical.
I'll assume you've considered if there's a 'reason' you don't enjoy sex eg trauma but I accept some people are just wired that way.
If you were in a standard physical loving relationship and the sex fizzled out you might stand a chance, but most people would want more. Your pool is exceedingly small.
Never say never but be clear from the start what you do or don't want. I also think it's important to stress you're looking for more than a friend ie a romantic partner....but with no sex

Have you ever been with someone you actually found attractive? I thought I didn't like sex until I was with someone I actually found desirable (didn't last). I have very low self esteem (pretty ugly) so settled for someone who would have me.

I’m not trying to be awkward, but as you haven’t had sex, how can you be sure that you don’t/won’t like it?

As @Allmyghosts says, if you haven’t been with someone whom you find attractive, you might assume that you don’t/won’t like sex.

I suppose I’m saying that it might be worth trying a physical relationship?