To be irritated at everyone wanting to bring their dogs to our BBQ?

[Yellowandgreendots]

We have about 20 people (from 5 different families) coming over for a BBQ today 3-7/8pm (or whenever they want to leave!)

We are lucky in that we do have a big garden but we all have babies/ young children and we have 2 dogs of our own (that we’ll likely keep inside as it’s going to be 29 here today so too hot for them)

We have some shade in the garden, but that will pretty much be taken up by everyone plus all of our children and babies (going to put paddling pools and play mags down for the babies)

3 of the families have now asked to bring their dogs. DH just wants to say no, I feel like an arsehole saying no but equally, I really can’t be arsed with other people’s dogs crapping and weeing all over the lawn (we don’t let our 2 toilet on the lawn, they have a patch of grass and patio down the side of the house that they use) none of these dogs are well trained and I just know they’ll end up charging about, crashing into everything and everyone and I don’t want to have to worry about the babies on the playmats etc either.

TBH I’m a bit bewildered why people want to bring them? It’s going to be nearly 30 degrees, there’s not that much shade, they’re all only going to be here for 4/5 hours and all only live 5/10 mins away if they really felt like they had to go back to let the dogs out or what ever.

DH said they only want to bring them because we have a big garden and they think their dogs will probably have a ‘whale of a time’ charging about it, but I said surely they wouldn’t let their dogs do that in this heat anyway?

AIBU that it seems to be the case more and more nowadays that people can’t go anywhere without bringing their bloody dogs.

Good call OP!

Dogs and BBQ's, plus kids, food, heat, drink, lots of people, away from their own homes, people behaving differently to normal, dogs they don't know so well...

Absolute recipe for some sort of disaster -whether its someones dog eating a skewer or a corn cob, being a trip hazard or actually biting a kid, it is not worth the risk!

Exactly. Why do people wait for these accidents to happen first instead of acting to prevent this from happening. Most dog attacks seem to be on the dog owners property.

Best case scenario even if there’s no extreme behaviour like biting is that someone’s food will be taken or one will pop etc . If I turned up to a bbq with or without kids I’d then around at the sight of dogs.

op, hope you’ve texted all your other guests to let them know multiple dogs may be there.

No, fucking nightmare. It will be utter chaos and that's aside from the fact it will be far too hot for them and you couldn't then let them all go inside to get out of the heat.

Also stick to businesses that are staffed by dogs, when you go on a holiday use the airline that has dogs for pilots etc

All those people who prefer dogs to people clearly have it sorted. You never need go to another social function again. What a relief!

100% NO, what responsible dog owner would even consider it. People are mad.

I’m a dog owner and I would say no. I have a young lab and at a bbq she will want to play with all the kids, but she’s frightened of other dogs, then she shits if she’s frightened. She’ll go after every single sausage, burger, bun, lolly etc. It’s baking bloody hot. Just no.

You haven't said what you put on the invitation, @Yellowandgreendots

for anything more than 4 people, which is easy to do by word of mouth, I'd have sent everyone an email with date and time and at the bottom clearly state "no dogs please".

more and more in life I've valued the maxim "don't complain, don't explain". You need give no explanation why no dogs please, it's just no.

it gives people ample time to make arrangements for their pets.

leaving it ambiguous gives rise to confusion and embarrassment to all concerned, having to explain. I find if you're clear and polite about it, you'll keep your friends and nobody needs fall out or misinterpret what your intentions and preferences are.

It sounds like you haven't done this and are now wingeing that they're being CFs - too late, too late will be the cry!

This

Also stick to businesses that are staffed by dogs, when you go on a holiday use the airline that has dogs for pilots etc

I had to read this a couple of times thinking the heat had got to me, but I get it now 😂

It sounds like you haven't done this and are now wingeing that they're being CFs - too late, too late will be the cry!

Op invited people to a BBQ, not their pets, she shouldn't have to specify no dogs.

For people saying dogs should be indoors for bbqs. It’s not the bbq that’s the problem with the dogs, we have bbqs all year round (often Xmas day too), and our dog is outside with us at each and every one! Todays bbq she will lie in the shade and wait for stray sausages.
The OP’s scenario though would be a big no no for my dog, as I said earlier it sounds too stressful for the dogs. Not fair to put them in that situation.

You say "she shouldn't have to" but look what's happened now, mayhem.

We live in an imperfect world where people's boundaries are wildly different.

You or I may not inflict pets on our friends, but many believe their dog is an extension of themselves. As I said, it avoid any misunderstandings and opportunity to be a CF by stating no, and expecting that to be the "house rule".

I’ve always owned dogs now late 50’s as have many of my friends but IME this is a fairly recent thing wanting to bring your dog everywhere with you.
I have a friend with a large completely out of control boisterous dog (it’s not malicious) the last time it came here it got on my kitchen island and knocked everything off and broke glasses the fruit bowl mugs etc and I now won’t let it in the house. So my friend refuses to come here and occasionally makes little comments like “I’d love to come over but as you won’t let Gussie in your house I can’t”.
OP just say sorry no dogs.

The whole thing sounds like a nightmare. Too hot for kids anyway, having to sit in someone's garden for hours making small talk is just the worst in this kind of weather.

We have a dog, we love dogs, and friends usually brings theirs if we have a gathering.

However, today it’s 30 degrees here. It’s just too hot for dogs and our dog is struggling. He likes to be outside if we are, but I keep putting him inside where it’s cool.

We have a river in our garden but only certain dogs will go in to cool off. We have 3 couples coming later today for a barbecue, but I am pretty sure none of them will bring dogs.

DH has just responded to say it’s probably not ideal to bring dogs due to the heat, babies, kids, paddling pools etc. Our two are going to be inside in the cool, but if people really can’t leave them at home then they can come but they need to be kept on a lead.

By doing that he's now made it confusing - so you will get one family bringing theirs and the other one who asked but don't bring theirs resenting the fact they didn't feel they were allowed but the other family did.

Should have just said "No". Be clear. Keep it the same for everyone.

Well that's just muddied the waters OP

I would say no. I would also not come if there would be dogs running around. It is not safe for babies.

A local cafe to me recently put a sign up saying “the only customers welcome are humans (so that means no dogs) and those that don’t have a laptop with them and want to use our electricity all day”

The place has never been busier and definitely gets my custom now. As pp said people feel they are entitled to take their dogs everywhere, bad enough that it’s in cafes and shops but now uninvited to people’s homes. Definitely seen more and more of this entitled behaviour post lockdown

I avoid cafes with dogs and kids in but I suppose a sign banning kids wouldn't go down that well 🤔

‘no, no dogs this time - it’s 29 degrees so we’re keeping ours inside - too hot and too much to manage with the BBQ and the kids. Thanks and see you at 3.’

This is good I think.

Aaargh - a clear no would be so much better!

I have dogs and would say no too. Its too hot and every one will be short tempered including the dogs. Children will want to chase and play with the dogs too. And people will let their guard down talking and eating. The dogs will be happy at home.

Bridport and Rye used to have cafes which banned kids. This was in the late 90s/mid 2000s though.