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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated at everyone wanting to bring their dogs to our BBQ?

274 replies

Yellowandgreendots · 25/06/2023 10:48

We have about 20 people (from 5 different families) coming over for a BBQ today 3-7/8pm (or whenever they want to leave!)

We are lucky in that we do have a big garden but we all have babies/ young children and we have 2 dogs of our own (that we’ll likely keep inside as it’s going to be 29 here today so too hot for them)

We have some shade in the garden, but that will pretty much be taken up by everyone plus all of our children and babies (going to put paddling pools and play mags down for the babies)

3 of the families have now asked to bring their dogs. DH just wants to say no, I feel like an arsehole saying no but equally, I really can’t be arsed with other people’s dogs crapping and weeing all over the lawn (we don’t let our 2 toilet on the lawn, they have a patch of grass and patio down the side of the house that they use) none of these dogs are well trained and I just know they’ll end up charging about, crashing into everything and everyone and I don’t want to have to worry about the babies on the playmats etc either.

TBH I’m a bit bewildered why people want to bring them? It’s going to be nearly 30 degrees, there’s not that much shade, they’re all only going to be here for 4/5 hours and all only live 5/10 mins away if they really felt like they had to go back to let the dogs out or what ever.

DH said they only want to bring them because we have a big garden and they think their dogs will probably have a ‘whale of a time’ charging about it, but I said surely they wouldn’t let their dogs do that in this heat anyway?

AIBU that it seems to be the case more and more nowadays that people can’t go anywhere without bringing their bloody dogs.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 25/06/2023 11:02

I have dogs, and wouldn’t able to/wouldn’t want to say no, so would embrace the chaos..

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 25/06/2023 11:02

I might ask (not in this heat though), but would be absolutely fine to be told no.

It's fine to ask, it's equally fine for someone to say no to something they'd rather not have at their own home.

To be fair though, I'd only ask if the host had dogs, and if those dogs had interacted with my dog previously. Which only really leaves my sister 🤣

LittleMonks11 · 25/06/2023 11:03

continentallentil · 25/06/2023 10:52

No, I like dogs, but dogs BBQ and babies sounds like hell.

Just say - ‘no, no dogs this time - it’s 29 degrees so we’re keeping ours inside - too hot and too much to manage with the BBQ and the kids. Thanks and see you at 3.’

Perfect

JudgeRudy · 25/06/2023 11:05

It's a firm NO from me. You can qualify this by saying even your own dogs won't be out and it's not just them wanting to bring their animals so it's a blanket ban.
In fairness, they are probably each only considering their own pets who they believe will be 'no trouble at all'!
Scorching heat, young children, paddling pools and sausages....what could possibly go wrong 🤔

listsandbudgets · 25/06/2023 11:07

No way would I bring my dog to a barbeque. She's well trained in many ways but I know she would not be able to restrain herself around a pile of meat. She's greedy, she's agile and she's fast and it's a bad combination. I'd spend the whole time stressing about what she was going to do next whilst hanging on to a lead! I'm sure she'd be delighted to go to a barbeque so if you do change your mind about dogs OP let me know Grin

Anyway in this heat much better in a cool shady room with a bowl of water and some toys

GoodChat · 25/06/2023 11:07

I personally would be fine with this, but I'm always happy to give dogs free run of my house and garden and acknowledge there might be accidents or mud or whatever to clean up afterwards.

In your position, I think you're right to say no. They're unruly dogs and it's hot. Too hot to be outside and too unruly to be inside.

Shopper727 · 25/06/2023 11:07

I’d say no too op, ridiculous in this heat to think dogs will be happy sitting outside with no or little shade all day. Ours was a bit fed up yesterday at home but less so than he would’ve been had I dragged him round the kids gala day we went to, I saw plenty other dogs there and it was boiling! Ridiculous. Dogs don’t need to go everywhere, my dog is happy to be at home. He’s not left for hours by himself and gets a nice long walk in the late evening when things have cooled down

tealgate · 25/06/2023 11:09

It's a bit late to say no dogs now tbh. If they are going to be out of the house for 6 or 7 hours, they will need to have a plan in place for their dogs. I guess they just won't come?

Fandabedodgy · 25/06/2023 11:09

Dogs aren't welcome at my house / garden so it would be a no for me.

Ponoka7 · 25/06/2023 11:10

It's irresponsible, it's too hot and nowhere for the dog to go for peace. They are close enough to pop back half way through.

Original poster
Yellowandgreendots · 25/06/2023 11:12

tealgate · 25/06/2023 11:09

It's a bit late to say no dogs now tbh. If they are going to be out of the house for 6 or 7 hours, they will need to have a plan in place for their dogs. I guess they just won't come?

It’s not 6/7 hours though, they could come at 3 and leave at 6, that would only be 3 hours, or leave at 7, that would only be 4 hours. And dogs were never invited, I don’t know why they thought they would be. Bit different if we said in the initial invite ‘everyone welcome to bring dogs’ and now the morning of have changed our minds, but we never mentioned people bringing their dogs.

OP posts:
ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 25/06/2023 11:13

I hate these entitled dog owners. My dog is well trained but I wouldn’t never put her through such torture. I couldn’t imagine anything worse for her, the constant smell of delicious meat but unable to have it. The horrible heat and screeching noise🙈

I have family members the same. Unable to attend any event (birthdays,Christmas) unless they can bring their beloved dog! It’s insane

DaaamnYoullDo · 25/06/2023 11:14

No way would I have a bunch of dogs who don't know eachother around a bunch of kids that don't know them in the boiling heat while the adults are all distracted having fun, possibly drinking.

Too many factors, that many dogs enclosed in a garden together could easily break out in a fight.

MintyIguana · 25/06/2023 11:17

Just say no. I have a dog and would not want loads of dogs around if I was hosting a similar situation. Equally if I were invited then we would rather leave our dog at home in the cool and would be prepared for one of us to head home early if needed.

ErmWhatever · 25/06/2023 11:19

tealgate · 25/06/2023 11:09

It's a bit late to say no dogs now tbh. If they are going to be out of the house for 6 or 7 hours, they will need to have a plan in place for their dogs. I guess they just won't come?

They probably should have thought about that before leaving it until the last minute to ask then.

Womencanlift · 25/06/2023 11:20

tealgate · 25/06/2023 11:09

It's a bit late to say no dogs now tbh. If they are going to be out of the house for 6 or 7 hours, they will need to have a plan in place for their dogs. I guess they just won't come?

Why is that for the OP to concern herself about though? If you don’t want to leave your dog then you should have thought about it before now or decline the invite

Anyone who thinks they can either turn up with their dog or guilt the host to let them bring them is just a CF

MintyIguana · 25/06/2023 11:22

Also you're probably going to have dogs jumping in the paddling pool with the babies. Sounds horrendously stressful and potentially dangerous. Definitely no.

Original poster
Yellowandgreendots · 25/06/2023 11:22

DH has just responded to say it’s probably not ideal to bring dogs due to the heat, babies, kids, paddling pools etc. Our two are going to be inside in the cool, but if people really can’t leave them at home then they can come but they need to be kept on a lead.

I really hope we don’t get arsey responses 🙈

OP posts:
museumum · 25/06/2023 11:27

I would have said “Sorry, no dogs in the garden, given the weather, we need all the shade for babies. Our dogs will be kept indoors due to the heat, suggest you leave yours at home. “

Hobbesmanc · 25/06/2023 11:28

Do people really turn down social invites if they can't take their dog? Surely if they are in a ventilated home with water etc they will be fine for an afternoon?

We host quite a lot and have lots of friends with dogs. But our garden isn't secure and I really like my plants etc. plus we have cats lol.

We went to a family event recently where dogs were allowed and it was very messy. Kids. Dogs. Outside food. Kids let dogs on the house etc.

Womencanlift · 25/06/2023 11:31

Hobbesmanc · 25/06/2023 11:28

Do people really turn down social invites if they can't take their dog? Surely if they are in a ventilated home with water etc they will be fine for an afternoon?

We host quite a lot and have lots of friends with dogs. But our garden isn't secure and I really like my plants etc. plus we have cats lol.

We went to a family event recently where dogs were allowed and it was very messy. Kids. Dogs. Outside food. Kids let dogs on the house etc.

In MN land they do. In real life not so much

GoodChat · 25/06/2023 11:38

Yellowandgreendots · 25/06/2023 11:22

DH has just responded to say it’s probably not ideal to bring dogs due to the heat, babies, kids, paddling pools etc. Our two are going to be inside in the cool, but if people really can’t leave them at home then they can come but they need to be kept on a lead.

I really hope we don’t get arsey responses 🙈

Sounds like the perfect response - also pointing out stupidity in a polite way!

LuckySantangelo35 · 25/06/2023 11:40

justco · 25/06/2023 10:56

I think it's fine, I'd be happy with this. People don't want to leave their dogs at home alone all the time especially at the weekend, as this is probably their time with their dog

@justco

tough

RoachFish · 25/06/2023 11:42

I love dogs and have one and would normally invite any dog that isn't aggressive to my home but in this case it's not in the dogs best interest. It's far too hot and since they are only 5/10 minutes away they are much better off keeping the dogs at home and go and check on them occasionally.

RoachFish · 25/06/2023 11:44

Hobbesmanc · 25/06/2023 11:28

Do people really turn down social invites if they can't take their dog? Surely if they are in a ventilated home with water etc they will be fine for an afternoon?

We host quite a lot and have lots of friends with dogs. But our garden isn't secure and I really like my plants etc. plus we have cats lol.

We went to a family event recently where dogs were allowed and it was very messy. Kids. Dogs. Outside food. Kids let dogs on the house etc.

I would only turn it down if it's an all day kind of thing and not within walking distance to home. My dog is fine for 3/4 hours, maybe 5 at a push and if it's hot and she's drowsy.