To be irritated at everyone wanting to bring their dogs to our BBQ?

[Yellowandgreendots]

We have about 20 people (from 5 different families) coming over for a BBQ today 3-7/8pm (or whenever they want to leave!)

We are lucky in that we do have a big garden but we all have babies/ young children and we have 2 dogs of our own (that we’ll likely keep inside as it’s going to be 29 here today so too hot for them)

We have some shade in the garden, but that will pretty much be taken up by everyone plus all of our children and babies (going to put paddling pools and play mags down for the babies)

3 of the families have now asked to bring their dogs. DH just wants to say no, I feel like an arsehole saying no but equally, I really can’t be arsed with other people’s dogs crapping and weeing all over the lawn (we don’t let our 2 toilet on the lawn, they have a patch of grass and patio down the side of the house that they use) none of these dogs are well trained and I just know they’ll end up charging about, crashing into everything and everyone and I don’t want to have to worry about the babies on the playmats etc either.

TBH I’m a bit bewildered why people want to bring them? It’s going to be nearly 30 degrees, there’s not that much shade, they’re all only going to be here for 4/5 hours and all only live 5/10 mins away if they really felt like they had to go back to let the dogs out or what ever.

DH said they only want to bring them because we have a big garden and they think their dogs will probably have a ‘whale of a time’ charging about it, but I said surely they wouldn’t let their dogs do that in this heat anyway?

AIBU that it seems to be the case more and more nowadays that people can’t go anywhere without bringing their bloody dogs.

I’m not sure why posters are getting defensive about turning down invites and receiving abuse or whatever. If any of my guests yesterday changed their minds and said they weren’t coming as I wouldn’t let them bring their dogs, I wouldn’t have had a go at them, that’s their choice. None of their dogs have separation anxiety anyway, they’re left all the time and are fine.

And actually, my eldest dog did have separation anxiety which didn’t get any better until she was about 3 (she’s 10 now) so I do have experience of and understand how difficult it is. However, we also didn’t curtail our lives because of it. We’re lucky in that we’re rural and detached though so if she did bark, she wasn’t annoying anyone. We used to leave the radio on, a chew, plenty of water, she’d been taken for a good walk before we went anywhere, we knew she was safe. We worked with 3 different trainers and tried to overcome it and whilst it DID improve, they never managed to fully cure her of it, that just seemed to happen by itself when she turned about 3, but by that point we weren’t prepared to only ever go out of the house for 1.5-2 hours, it just didn’t work, especially as our eldest child got older. But luckily, like I say, she did just seem to grow out of it and a couple of years later we got our other dog so she had company from then on anyway.

I suspect the right answer is to just do what the hell you want to anyway
The right answer is, if you cant accommodate the needs of the animal without inconveniencing others then dog-keeping is not the right hobby for you.

Too many people and dogs = recipe for disaster. They will be jumping up on people, looking for food, stealing food from people's plates, doing their business all over your garden (owners probably won't clean up after them as will be difficult to prove who's dog mess it is) kids will feed them food they not supposed to eat. So no dogs at bbq for me.

I have a dog and bring her with me whenever possible, but tbh I think it would be cruel to bring them to this - to their dogs, to your dogs and to your guests. It would become all about the dogs if they're not trained, they'd get overheated, there might be collisions with small children, the food might be grabbed, the dogs might eat something that doesn't agree with them, if there is alcohol people sometimes feed dogs stupid stuff, kids sometimes feed dogs stupid stuff... If it is too hot to leave the dogs behind they should politely decline. It is unfair that you are in a position of having to say no - but they have put you in that position so you must say no. YANBU.

I find people who ask this really annoying. It’s a dog. I have dogs. We had friends who would insist on bringing their dog as they lived 45 minutes away, yet we never took our dog to theirs. It was horribly behaved the entire time it was at our house and they were very upset when we insisted it stayed in the garden. The guy stood at the window watching it outside in case it dug its way out of our garden (it didn’t) but it was horribly behaved and smelly. He never brought it back and we rarely see them now!

I'd just say no. That said, friends popped in the other day after a walk and asked if they could bring their dog in - absolute gem, well trained wee chap, slept in the shade. So it's not, 'no dogs ever'! But for a bigger party, on a warm day, with several dogs and young children, it would be mayhem.

YANBU. If their dogs can’t be left at home for so long, they need to sadly decline your kind invitation. I’m not a dog owner, don’t dislike them, but more than one dog inevitably disrupts and dominates any social occasion.

Where on earth did Pearlsaminga say dogs don't deserve kindness ? Of course animals deserve kindness but they are not children but just like children they need rules and boundries.

Up to you, but be prepared for 3/5 of families maybe to have something else to do.

Well, they didnt, as it happened yesterday and OP updated to say nobody brought their dogs.

🙄

Oh gosh. Sorry, not read the thread

No to all the dogs

Especially as you have 2 already

That will make them leave promptly too.

Dogs are a bind

To me the message was very clear - dogs deserve less kindness and consideration because they are not human. Otherwise why raise the issue in the first place? And of course they need rules and boundaries, just as humans (children and adults) do. I haven't heard anyone deny that. But some appear to have a problem with people treating their dogs with sensitivity and love.

I agree. It’s not fair on the other guests to allow dogs, especially at the last minute, and especially unruly ones. I wonder if DH thought about that?

Actually with the temperatures at the moment, I'd be expecting them to have dogs indoors somewhere cool. Also knowing how dogs bark at each other it sounds like chaos.

Glad it went well and no-one brought their dogs. You sound like a very sensible dog-owner btw, I wish there were more like you but the trend seems very much towards annoying and entitled these days.

tell the guests they can if they’re willing to tie the dogs up to a tree in your garden or a camping stake lol

I live dogs and cats but golly would hate to go to a BBQ with a load of dogs running around.

Having read your update, OP, I'm glad it went well.
I've never asked to bring my dog to anyone's house, ever, and the very idea of a BBQ!
At home he's not allowed to eyeball me or guests at the table.

don’t remember dogs all having this huge separation anxiety in the 80’s/90’s when I was growing up.

Boyfriend's family, 1997. He had to come home for 3 weeks to mind brother's dog when his mum went on holiday. Because brother was at work all day. BFd was given detailed instructions about not leaving pooch alone for more than an hour, and exactly when to feed it. It was a 3yo Labrador and not prone to chewing up the house.

This would be a hard no for me. Babies on the floor, dogs grabbing baby toys, potential danger, the temp, doesn’t work well at all.

When people have asked before at a push I offer for them to be shut in our garage.

i wouldn’t expect to take my dogs to a BBQ at another person’s house, but in my own house my dogs are non negotiable

As a dog owner myself (we had three at one point) I would also say no to this many.
If it was just one then I wouldn't mind too much. But it would just cause extra chaos, and with the heat and lots of kids about I wouldn't chance it.
Especially if dogs aren't used to this kind of situation, and the heat.

Honestly op if I sent out bbq invites and said no dogs and then ppl started turning up with their dogs they would be getting sent straight back home. And in this heat I'd even be tempted to say to said guest that turned up with dog "here's a nice thick fur coat of mine just put this on and stand in the garden for 10 mins and tell me you are still enjoying yourself"
Honestly what do ppl not get about this heat and how it effects dogs? Some ppl are so entitled and it really gets on my nerves starting to see it more and more nowadays aswell.