To be irritated at everyone wanting to bring their dogs to our BBQ?

[Yellowandgreendots]

We have about 20 people (from 5 different families) coming over for a BBQ today 3-7/8pm (or whenever they want to leave!)

We are lucky in that we do have a big garden but we all have babies/ young children and we have 2 dogs of our own (that we’ll likely keep inside as it’s going to be 29 here today so too hot for them)

We have some shade in the garden, but that will pretty much be taken up by everyone plus all of our children and babies (going to put paddling pools and play mags down for the babies)

3 of the families have now asked to bring their dogs. DH just wants to say no, I feel like an arsehole saying no but equally, I really can’t be arsed with other people’s dogs crapping and weeing all over the lawn (we don’t let our 2 toilet on the lawn, they have a patch of grass and patio down the side of the house that they use) none of these dogs are well trained and I just know they’ll end up charging about, crashing into everything and everyone and I don’t want to have to worry about the babies on the playmats etc either.

TBH I’m a bit bewildered why people want to bring them? It’s going to be nearly 30 degrees, there’s not that much shade, they’re all only going to be here for 4/5 hours and all only live 5/10 mins away if they really felt like they had to go back to let the dogs out or what ever.

DH said they only want to bring them because we have a big garden and they think their dogs will probably have a ‘whale of a time’ charging about it, but I said surely they wouldn’t let their dogs do that in this heat anyway?

AIBU that it seems to be the case more and more nowadays that people can’t go anywhere without bringing their bloody dogs.

I wouldn’t want clean up the dogs shit so it would definitely be a no dogs event if i was hosting

If you get any push back from dhs response (which tbh I think was far too lenient, I would have said absolutely no way in this heat when your own dogs would be shut away, lead or no lead, it's not happening), just say that as your dogs will be staying inside as it's too hot to have them running around excited by other guests, it's then not fair on them to have other dogs running around outside, as will probably wind yours up, when you want them to be calm and settled in this heat. Also, at the end of the day, no matter how friendly someone else's dog is, it will need a constant eye on it, if it's in an unfamiliar setting, with young children running round excited, as it's not worth the risk otherwise. Hardly going to be fun for the dog owners if they can't take their eye of the dog for a second anyway.

No one is wrong here.

You don't want dogs are your event which is perfectly fine.

They may be weighing up the effort of attending but going back to check their dog is ok so asked incase their is a compromise.

I have turned down events like this because I didn't think it was fair to leave the dog and the host said no dogs.

Or they should just wait for an actual invite for their dog rather than put the pressure on the OP to have to say no.

Oh dear. You really should have stopped at no dogs. Allowing them if no other options and if they stay on leads is going to mean they definitely bring them and they definitely won't stay on leads.

I’d have no issue with this, but if they are as bad as you , they’d be banging into things and charging about, I’d refuse. In my experience in this heat dogs generally find a cool place and lay down after the initial excitement.

I wouldn't want to bring my toddler to a BBQ with dogs running round, especially dogs in hot weather who might be more easily agitated.

Dog attacks often happen at these kinds of gatherings and it's just not worth the risk

Can you provide a link to the evidence of that? I’ve never heard dog attacks were predominantly at home bbq’s

Yeah, this "my dog is invited unless you explicitly state otherwise" thing has to end. Your dog is not invited unless the host asks. If the host didn't invite your dog, it's because they don't want your dog.

Your DH has done the right thing, dog owners fall into two camps - reasonable and entitled twats who think everyone has to welcome their dog as if they were a human member of the family.

I do remember one bbq with dogs and young children. It wasn't completely disastrous but there were toddlers pottering around waving hotdogs around and lots of tears when lunch was snatched out of their hands by a speedy pup!

Often is not the same as predominately so I'm not sure where you've got that from.

As for evidence I've worked in animal rescue for years so I know the type of situations that increase and create stressors for dogs (hot weather, large crowds, young children etc.) It is common guidance to never leave dogs unattended around young children, even known family pets, and you can be sure that people at a BBQ are not going to be closely watching their dog at all times.

Look up news stories around dog attacks and you'll find that a lot happen at parties and gatherings

I'd be that person who puts up a paddling pool and an umbrella for the dogs. Sod the people!

YANBU, just say no. No dogs allowed in our house. I suppose people might see it differently because you have dogs yourself, but no reason to expect you to host other people's dogs too.

I think your DH has given the right answer. People might have asked thinking theirs would be the only dog, two other dogs plus yours, is a whole different ball game.

Im sure all the dogs will be much happier left at home where it is cool and peaceful.

No, it will be unfair on our 2 dogs who we’re keeping calm in the heat, if others are running around.
I say this as a dog owner + I would not trust my dog not to eat the bbq food!!

I'd have said a straight no. It's too many dogs in too much heat with too many guests.

I would allow someone I knew well to bring one dog to my home for a smaller event or have 2 dogs that knew each other but it's too much to be keeping an eye on when there are lots of guests and activities happening.

it’s probably not ideal to bring dogs due to the heat, babies, kids, paddling pools etc. Our two are going to be inside in the cool, but if people really can’t leave them at home then they can come but they need to be kept on a lead
This is much too weak, you know how deluded people are when it comes to their fur babies, they will bring them and assume you won't mind because you adore the fur babies as much as they do.

You should have just put NO DOGS

Definitely not, I think it’s really rude to take dogs to peoples houses and I say that as someone with multiple dogs.

My SIL once asked to bring hers to ours but I told her it would upset mine too much, she was fine with that!

Nope, way to hot to have dogs in a garden all afternoon, apart from anything else! Your house, your choice.

Whoops - wrong response from your DH! Should’ve said flat out ‘no dogs’. Why are people so afraid to speak up for themselves? Especially when it involves their own wishes in their own home!

@WildFlowerBees

would you really?

Definitely not unreasonable to say no. I have a dog and wouldn't even ask if I could bring mine. It's much too hot today anyway for dogs to be out in the heat for long periods. I walked mine at seven today and she's going from one tiled floor to the other trying to keep cool.

There’s no way I would want to bring my dog to this sort of event, especially on such a hot day!! It’s not going to be fun for the dogs, everyone will be over cautious of them around the babies and it will all be too stressful, dogs are very sensitive to stress. I would leave my dog at home and only agree to come for two hours max.

This