To be asked where are you from

[Tweetypie1st]

For background, DH & I live in UK but originally came from South Asia several years ago. This is our home now.
So we are getting quotes for a garage conversion and we had someone come over to have a look. It was an older husband & wife team and they are telling us all sorts of stories(my understanding was trying to build a rapport) and then the guy asks where are we from. And I could tell my DH getting annoyed, so I just replied where I came from. And then he tells us more stories. And then he asks my husband what does he do? And my DH said we live here and then laughed so it doesn't get awkward. After they were gone, he was fuming saying how racist of him to ask us where are we from; we live & work here! Would it be okay if I asked him the same question? What if we were born here; he thinks it's okay to ask this question just because we have a different skin colour.

Would you ask this question to anyone, especially a stranger? Would you be offended if someone asked you that? How would you reply to the question?

In woke culture it is a micro aggression, not racist in my opinion.

You could have just replied with where are are living currently...

You can't ask bugger all of anyone nowadays without them feeling an entitled sense of offense.

Where did I say you were white?

Just the fact that you are a first generation immigrant but can call yourself ‘English’ because you’re white shows your privilege. BAME immigrants do not have this privilege.

Well I’m mixed so there’s always the undertone of “where are you REALLY from” which does feel a bit shit but I think most who ask are just genuinely curious.

Did you read my post explaining why it’s not well received?

Why say you don’t understand when you haven’t read or acknowledged people explaining why?

@Zarah123 I think some people do think their desire to know (why??) means that the other persons discomfort does not matter.

If someone is happy and proud of their heritage and willing to share then it honestly comes up in conversation anyways which is actually a lot more natural.

Totally agree.

I'm Mauritian and get asked where I'm from every single day pretty much... i also get the presumption that I'm Indian or Sri Lankan.. I'm not at all offended.

I teach a class at the multicultural Centre which is specifically targeted at refugees and migrants. That is actually a requirement of the programme.

At the start of every course, we go around and introduce ourselves - what is your name, where are you from and how long have you lived here.

Nobody has ever been offended and many interesting conversations have been started between participants.

Having been both the majority skin colour and minority skin colour, I have never been offended when people ask me where I am from. I was once offended after an American woman started telling me how shit her stay in that country was back in the seventies. But it wasn’t the question that was offensive, just her response.

I'd have thought people would be proud and pleased to talk about their backgrounds.

The reason why some of us are sometimes not proud or pleased to talk about our backgrounds ( and I don't mean in the OP's example) is because those backgrounds have been traditionally vilified and continue to be vilified- including by those who come from those very backgrounds like Sunak and company-to gain favour with Tory voters. Suella Braverman has got up there and said multiculturalism does not work, and been applauded. What she meant was: brown and black people do not assimilate. Perhaps you can see why people just want to blend in, in some cases.

My other half describes herself as English or British.

I can be easily mistaken for English but I'm not and I'd feel weird, as an immigrant, to be describing myself as such

In Ireland they have your life history while waiting for a bus!

It's just conversation.

I speak with an accent and am asked all the time.

Doesn't bother me one bit.

I’m American and white. When I’m asked, it’s not the same as people who are asked because of the colour of their skin. If you don’t understand that, you should really try to.

this.

im not white and I’ll answer Liverpool. But then get a quizzical look. So I understand your dh pov.

it can be a question asked out of racism - the assumption being you’re not British.

Nowadays I’ll base my response on the context and intent.

Yet another thread where white voices try to drown out BAME voices with ‘doesn’t bother me’.

Plus ça change…

Mixed race here. Doesn't bother me.

@Tweetypie1st I'm Indian but born and raised in the UK and I don't get at all offered by this question. Infact I am more likely to be offended by people calling me Asian as that is a huge area and I don't feel that I identify at all with some people of countries within Asia

This

Nigerian friend. Loves talking about home and family and their way of life. She loves being asked about her culture and friends always enjoy her stories. So that is one person who doesn't think it's racist to ask.
Can't people be interested in other cultures without being labelled racist?

lots of white people here unable to see the difference

Yes they can, but they aren’t always. It sounds like you haven’t experienced the grinding day to day racism that many put up with in the UK.

@LakeTiticaca

i like talking about my heritage too. But I have experienced enough realism to know the difference and intent of the where are you from question.

With people I know happy to talk about it. But I’ll generally bring it up to invite that conversation.

if it’s the first/ second question then I wouldn’t be happy.

“Enough racism”
not realism . Though that still applies as part of my reality of obviously being not white.

Well said.

Also it seems that people are unable to grasp the difference between random strangers/people asking (including contractors) and friends or people you are friendly with asking.