DH will divorce me if I join the police force

[KoalaBe]

I've been offered an opportunity to join the police force (family liaison type thing, rather than on the beat, if it makes any difference).

DH won't have it. We've been together for 16 years (I'm 32 and he's 38).

He says he will divorce me as he "hates the police." I asked him who he'd phone if someone broke in to our house and he's stormed off to bed in a bad mood after shouting at me.

I currently work from home and I'm here 24/7. I need to get out and do something for myself. Aibu or is this a really bad idea?

He sounds nice

YANBU, a spouse should support you in your ambitions.

He sounds controlling and like he doesn’t want you to have a life outside the house.

Go for that job and consider if you really want to spend the rest of your life with this twat.

I think it depends on what he's like the rest of the time. The example you gave doesn't point to him being a great partner, however. He sounds controlling. If so I would take the job.

Well you'd be better off divorced from someone who's yells at you, strops and doesn't support your ambitions

So definitely go right ahead and join up

I'd let him divorce me

😂

YANBU. And I'd be damned if some man thought he could tell me what to do with my career.

He hates the police? But couldn’t answer your salient question?

Does he think he lives a ‘thug life’ ffs? Does he glamorise crime?

He sounds controlling and dull-witted. He should ask you questions about what you hope to get from the role and support you.

What a dumbass.

Join up then get a divorce. Win win.

Why does he “hate the police”?

He is out of order. Most partners would support the person they love to follow the career path they want

Call his bluff. Take the job if you want it and see what he does. If he goes for divorce over it then he doesn't really love you anyway. If he loved you he'd want to see you happy and fulfilled in a job you want regardless of his opinion of it.

Let him divorce you,he sounds like a twat.He doesn’t own you.

He sounds like a right tit OP. Do what you want.

Impossible to say. The way you’ve written it so far suggests massive drip feed…..

Probably doesn't want you to find out he's an abuser

I'm not sure why people are confused about why he hates the police. They are institutionally racist, misogynist and corrupt. So like probs that?

But equally I wouldn't be happy about a man telling me what to do. It also sounds like your role would have potential to work outside of lots of the issues the police have. So I think it's like pp's have said, how is he the rest of the time?

The saying is " Join the force, get a divorce" 😆 but yes he is being unreasonable

He may have legitimate reasons for being anti-police such as the way they've been known to kettle and arrest peaceful protesters for example (as opposed to him being a criminal/thug). However that's not an excuse for his behaviour or the way he spoke to you. Hell, I'm not a big fan of the church by any means but when my DH announced he wanted to become a minister I supported him - because that's what a decent spouse does when someone has a dream!

He sounds like a gem. And you got together when he was 22 and you were 16? That’s creepy, no wonder he doesn’t want the police anywhere near.

….. he might be a huge controlling twat. Or he might not and have valid reasons (like so many of us) for not trusting the police. Until you wrote the whole picture, no one can possibly know if he is BU or not.

As I've got older and had infrequent interactions with the police, my opinion of them has gone down.

For richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health.

The marriage vows don't say anything about completely different values. He's told you how he feels. You can do what you want with that information but if you have very different values, frankly you may be better off separating.

@KoalaBe
Call his bluff do what you prefer to do, why should a partner dictate anothers career, he should be helping and being supportive of your choice.

There will always be bad apples and good apples, One only has to consider the whole of human society to understand that. Bottom line we need all the various security services etc

Do exactly what you want - please, please go for the job.

And then divorce him.