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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ideation that girl babies are better than boy babies.

344 replies

Supremechicken · 24/06/2023 19:41

In my family it’s very heavily opinionated that boy babies are an ‘aww better luck next time’ and girl babies are an amazing gift.

My sisters were saying the other day that when they see a gender reveal on Facebook they don’t tend to like or react to the boy ones but the girls they feel excited for.

I don’t really see the difference .

Is there something I’m missing?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
SleepingStandingUp · 24/06/2023 21:08

MammaTo · 24/06/2023 21:02

I must admit I was one of these people and I now have a 6 month old son who I absolutely adore.

I come from quite a heavily female dominated family and I felt like I wouldn’t know what to do with a boy, I don’t like football or marvel films or any typical boy activities. I think I look at boy mums as always coming second best to girl mums and girl mums have a friend for life, where as boys drift more to the girls family.

Obviously this is all worrying about a future 20+ years away, but that was my reasoning behind the feelings.

Perhaps ask your partner why he's drifted from his family and doesn't have a meaningful relationship with his Mom?

RiseYpres · 24/06/2023 21:08

*trot out the line that was meant to be

RiseYpres · 24/06/2023 21:09

@MammaTo give Marvel films a chance... they are brilliant! I am SO into the whole Spiderman multiverse now.

NadjaCravensworth1 · 24/06/2023 21:10

I don't think this is common. Also in my experience boys are normally way more chill babies than girls...but it's all anecdotal anyway. I do think Father daughter relationships are lovely though

LolaSmiles · 24/06/2023 21:11

bakewellbride
It is to do with how they're raised you're right.
If we're really honest the people who are over-invested in having a girl/boy because girls are... and boys are... Are the sort of adults who heavily buy into awful sexist stereotypes. Of course their girls are going to be nice little compliant girls who want to be just like mummy, because that's what they'll teach them, and if they get a disappointing boy then they'll parent him differently, following sexist stereotypes and then take it as proof that boys are oh so energetic and wild and cheeky and into football and blue things.

groupery · 24/06/2023 21:12

My sisters both have girls through lime tampons and husbands abstaining for several weeks to lower sperm count.

what?

gettingoldisshit · 24/06/2023 21:12

My ex husband's family were like this op! Boys were a disappointment and girls were celebrated! Its very odd!

3BSHKATS · 24/06/2023 21:13

Quite the opposite in our family, would think the boys were the second coming of Christ. Which, considering generally speaking the males, are massive underachievers in our family, although the two factors maybe linked of course.

fairywhale · 24/06/2023 21:14

No differences in babies or small children but boy babies grow into boys and men and that's not something to aspire to because men have given themselves a bad name for a reason or two. Exceptions possible but likelihood of a boy being a bad egg is much higher. Almost all of the world's evil was generated by men.

Plus, if your daughter gives you grandchildren, they'll be yours.
A son won't be able to produce grandchildren, they'd need a woman for that which isn't the same.

And why would a woman want a boy? Some dads do and it's marginally understandable to want a replica of oneself but why would a mother want one? Unless she was brought up in a culture based on abuse of women or in an abusive home environment it would be quite unusual.

CultureHorticulture · 24/06/2023 21:17

fairywhale · 24/06/2023 20:59

Another handful of posters coming on here to say things that weren't generally ever true for the UK or Europe to normalise their communities and cultures based on subjugation and hatred of women - that they elect to support. Some people just can't think outside of what their upbringing and communities taught them.

Never been like this in the civilised world, not normal. Which is why you presumably choose to live here.

Unless I'm reading this post wrong, it seems rather xenophobic, isn't it?

If I'm mistaken, I apologise.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 24/06/2023 21:17

fairywhale · 24/06/2023 21:14

No differences in babies or small children but boy babies grow into boys and men and that's not something to aspire to because men have given themselves a bad name for a reason or two. Exceptions possible but likelihood of a boy being a bad egg is much higher. Almost all of the world's evil was generated by men.

Plus, if your daughter gives you grandchildren, they'll be yours.
A son won't be able to produce grandchildren, they'd need a woman for that which isn't the same.

And why would a woman want a boy? Some dads do and it's marginally understandable to want a replica of oneself but why would a mother want one? Unless she was brought up in a culture based on abuse of women or in an abusive home environment it would be quite unusual.

You need some therapy...

groupery · 24/06/2023 21:17

Having one of each or two of each is seen as perfect.

I agree with this & think a lot of mothers want daughters & fathers want a son so everyone gets to be happy. Having said that I think having same sex siblings is really good.

GrangieA · 24/06/2023 21:17

The old saying is true,
A son is a son :till he gets a wife. But a daughter is a daughter all of her life.

CultureHorticulture · 24/06/2023 21:18

fairywhale · 24/06/2023 21:14

No differences in babies or small children but boy babies grow into boys and men and that's not something to aspire to because men have given themselves a bad name for a reason or two. Exceptions possible but likelihood of a boy being a bad egg is much higher. Almost all of the world's evil was generated by men.

Plus, if your daughter gives you grandchildren, they'll be yours.
A son won't be able to produce grandchildren, they'd need a woman for that which isn't the same.

And why would a woman want a boy? Some dads do and it's marginally understandable to want a replica of oneself but why would a mother want one? Unless she was brought up in a culture based on abuse of women or in an abusive home environment it would be quite unusual.

What? This reads as such disdain for boys/men. It's really sad.

Sunshines89 · 24/06/2023 21:19

This made me feel really sad for you. For a long time my parents would actively discourage the thought of me having a baby, even when I got with my now husband, who they've always loved - I know they just wanted me to live my life and get my career sorted first, but similar sort of comments stung when it then took 2 years for us to conceive. We then had a NICU stay due to some medical issues and it made me realise how terribly superficial all these awful conversations about the sex of babies, etc is. I hope whatever you have is healthy and makes you happy - I hope you have a partner who loves you both and takes away any negativity your sisters might make you feel if you have a beautiful boy. Sending you lots of strength to rise above those hurtful comments and enjoy the journey you're about to go on with your new baby x

SunnyEgg · 24/06/2023 21:19

fairywhale · 24/06/2023 21:14

No differences in babies or small children but boy babies grow into boys and men and that's not something to aspire to because men have given themselves a bad name for a reason or two. Exceptions possible but likelihood of a boy being a bad egg is much higher. Almost all of the world's evil was generated by men.

Plus, if your daughter gives you grandchildren, they'll be yours.
A son won't be able to produce grandchildren, they'd need a woman for that which isn't the same.

And why would a woman want a boy? Some dads do and it's marginally understandable to want a replica of oneself but why would a mother want one? Unless she was brought up in a culture based on abuse of women or in an abusive home environment it would be quite unusual.

I have both and can’t relate to this

Lwrenagain · 24/06/2023 21:20

I've said this loads on here, like the broken record I am, but I think people get GD from other people's absolutely stupid comments.
I wanted as many kids, of any flavour, as I could realistically manage, (space, money, mentally) and I've 3 sons and pregnant with my daughter. I can honestly say I've felt no difference of love or excitement, but I've not told anyone yet because I'm so sick of comments such as, "bet you're relieved" after all the shitty comments I got from people assuming I had GD from my last 2 sons. I can see how that massively impacts on women feeling they've let their families down from preferred sex.

MammaTo · 24/06/2023 21:21

SleepingStandingUp · 24/06/2023 21:08

Perhaps ask your partner why he's drifted from his family and doesn't have a meaningful relationship with his Mom?

Show quote history

It’s not that their relationship isn’t as meaningful as such, I just find with girls when things like marriage and grandchildren come along the girls family takes priority because.
Partner goes out with his mum regularly to the cinema etc but there is a difference in their bond between a mum and son to a mum and daughter.

SleepingStandingUp · 24/06/2023 21:21

fairywhale · 24/06/2023 21:14

No differences in babies or small children but boy babies grow into boys and men and that's not something to aspire to because men have given themselves a bad name for a reason or two. Exceptions possible but likelihood of a boy being a bad egg is much higher. Almost all of the world's evil was generated by men.

Plus, if your daughter gives you grandchildren, they'll be yours.
A son won't be able to produce grandchildren, they'd need a woman for that which isn't the same.

And why would a woman want a boy? Some dads do and it's marginally understandable to want a replica of oneself but why would a mother want one? Unless she was brought up in a culture based on abuse of women or in an abusive home environment it would be quite unusual.

Oh do fu k off. Seriously.

My sons should aspire to become transwomen or should aspire to not reach maturity, in your opinion?

In what way are my sons any less special to my MIL than to my mother, just because of where they grew? She'd be horrified if I suggested she loved my kids less because they came from her son vs my mother's daughter. What if your daughter can't produce children from her womb either?

And why wouldn't I want a boy? Surely if I grew up in an abusive family I'd want boys less, not more? Altho frankly most rational people aren't fussed and just love their kids.

I do hope you're not having kids.

Screamingabdabz · 24/06/2023 21:21

That this is a mystery baffles the shit out of me. Have a look at the gazillion vitriolic MIL threads every day on MN. That hostility is what mothers of sons potentially face when their beloved son grows up. Women generally favour their own mothers and husbands generally gormlessly neglect their own parents and go along with it.

I say ‘generally’ for all the inevitable pedantic replies saying ‘my son is closer to me than my daughter blah blah’. Yes we know. It’s not carved in stone. I’m close to my own grown up son but you can’t deny the sheer numbers of women who dislike and alienate their husband’s family if mumsnet (and my own life experience) is any measure.

Of course in other cultures it’s the other way around. Males get to keep their families and the DIL is meant to tow the line.

Both approaches are wrong. But this is why there is gender disappointment about boys in (some) white British families.

Tlolljs · 24/06/2023 21:21

@fairywhale you’re off your head.

mynameisnotthis2 · 24/06/2023 21:22

SleepingStandingUp · 24/06/2023 20:32

I'm glad you've decided to not have children. It always worries me when people talk like you about boys but then have kids anyway and you have to think, will having a son change their minds or will their lad grow up permanently damaged because his mother thinks he's a rapist in waiting.

Show quote history

I also think it would be damaging for this person to raise a daughter with these views.

Chocolatelover3 · 24/06/2023 21:23

fairywhale · 24/06/2023 21:14

No differences in babies or small children but boy babies grow into boys and men and that's not something to aspire to because men have given themselves a bad name for a reason or two. Exceptions possible but likelihood of a boy being a bad egg is much higher. Almost all of the world's evil was generated by men.

Plus, if your daughter gives you grandchildren, they'll be yours.
A son won't be able to produce grandchildren, they'd need a woman for that which isn't the same.

And why would a woman want a boy? Some dads do and it's marginally understandable to want a replica of oneself but why would a mother want one? Unless she was brought up in a culture based on abuse of women or in an abusive home environment it would be quite unusual.

I am so worried about you - sounds like you need therapy…. And asap!

MammaTo · 24/06/2023 21:23

@RiseYpres I’m deffo going to give them a go - or whatever is all the rage when babs is older (he’s only 6 months at the min). Hoping we can bond over Harry Potter maybe 😂😂

groupery · 24/06/2023 21:23

Plus, if your daughter gives you grandchildren, they'll be yours.

That's nonsense, my mil is just as involved as my mum with the dc, perhaps more so.
Also despite having sisters dh & his mum is probably the closest relationship.