Ideation that girl babies are better than boy babies.

[Supremechicken]

In my family it’s very heavily opinionated that boy babies are an ‘aww better luck next time’ and girl babies are an amazing gift.

My sisters were saying the other day that when they see a gender reveal on Facebook they don’t tend to like or react to the boy ones but the girls they feel excited for.

I don’t really see the difference .

Is there something I’m missing?

Yeah that's strange. I was thrilled to find out I was having a boy. He was an easy baby and compared to the majority of the girls at his nursery, he's an angel lol. Having an older brother, I'm more into boy things than being a girly girl. Also growing up, I remember being far more moody and difficult as a teenager than my brother was. People have different opinions, but to dismiss what should be a happy occasion because you prefer a particular gender over another is weird.

I'm sorry you've experienced that! People should just be thrilled to meet your baby, they could end up being a handful or a delight regardless of the sex!

Based on how MILs are treated on here I can wee why people want daughters!

A friend of mine has several boys and after her fifth (and last!) people would say "awww was he supposed to be a girl?" (I think they meant that df was hoping for a girl this time rather than implying her baby was trans)
I wanted a girl and got one so I was happy. Not sure what I would've done if I'd had a boy....cracked on with motherhood I suppose but I wonder if I would've had regrets?

Shinier
I do think a lot of people on here need to stop fighting men’s (perceived) battles for them. They don’t have many and they don’t need you doing it for them.
I think the problem is that hoping for a girl baby and internalising a lot of the sexist shit that lead to women doing the pick me dance, means that people can avoid the giant elephants in the room which is we need to:

1. Stop raising girls to be compliant little mini me people pleasers who'll be ours for life (unlike boys who might dare to have another woman in his life as an adult) and stop with the stereotypical crap that will inevitably affect our parenting and the way we raise girls.

1. Start raising boys to know better and do better. (Eg stop with the nonsense like I don't think I could be a boy mum because I don't like dinosaurs and football 🙄 / using boys will be boys to downplay problematic behaviour in childhood / encourage boys to have a range of interests beyond silly stereotypes). As long as we accept there's something super different about boys that makes them a worse option than girls, we're perpetuating sexist stereotypes that damage boys and girls.

1. Get to grips with the fact that there are a LOT of people out there who have healthy and positive relationships with their in laws, who don't have favourites based on their child's sex, and there's a LOT of women who have no interest in signing up to this weird competition where women bicker among themselves whilst men get a free pass.

Challenging the sexist stereotypes and misogyny that's at the heart of people being devestated they're having a boy (and it is internalised misogyny because it so often rests on the idea that they're in competition with future women and girls to keep their boy) isn't fighting men's battles for them. It's an essential part of raising the bar for what we expect of men. When women challenge internal misogyny, women make progress.

I think we should just end the thread here, with Lolas wise words.

I think what your sisters said is strange about not liking boy announcements. I swear it was the opposite when I was growing up in the 70/80s and probably for centuries before that. It still is in a lot of cultures.

SleepingStandingUp
Wise? 😂 I'll take that.
I'd have said grumpy or mardy feminist who thinks sexist crap harms everyone, especially women and girls, but wise sounds nicer.

I'm a mum of girls and I used to hear comments like "I could never be a mum of girls. I hate pink, glittery, princess crap/Dora the Explorer jeans." You also read comments about girls being manipulative bitches etc. So bloody sexist.

My go to answer is to ask if they'd actually have left them in the hospital, but then I have a disabled child AND twins so lots of people play the "I could never" crap.

My twins do look gorgeous in pink tho, I love boys in pink

Unfortunately I know lots of people who see having a baby girl as the goal, and a boy is seen as just not as special. I experienced it first hand with DS (first child) and DD (born 18 months later). Lots of “you must be thrilled to have your girl now!” And “you don’t need to have any more now, you’ve got the set!”

Aw, not necessarily; I love going to visit my mother in law and we see her every week! My cousin is also very close to his mother and sees her 2 or 3 times a week. It's not always as my MIL described.

I'm a mum of girls and I used to hear comments like "I could never be a mum of girls. I hate pink, glittery, princess crap/Dora the Explorer jeans." You also read comments about girls being manipulative bitches etc. So bloody sexist
You're right. It is sexist.

It's also very, very closely linked to the internalised misogyny motto of "but not me, I'm not like the other girls".

It's the unpleasant assumption that mums of girls are all pink loving, stereotype enforcing, princess playing mummies, but of course THEY aren't like that 🙄.

I know what you mean OP. I've met several people, both men and women, who've openly told me they'd prefer a girl over a boy and it is a bit sad. Then again, I know after four girls being born into the family in succession, a few folks were glad when my latest nephew was born!

Personally, before having kids, I always wanted at least one son, for the admittedly ridiculous reason that there was a boy's name I really wanted to use. After stopping at two girls, though, honestly I'm kinda glad. I know it's not a popular view but honestly I think life is easier for girls in some ways.

I do hope he wants to visit me regularly 😂😂 hopefully I'll be a good MIL - ill try my best

Who knows my son may never want a partner. Or may want to live with us forever - then ill be wishing he goes away instead of staying close 😂😂

This 100%

I have two awesome boys, one of whom I have SO much in common with, personality wise he is a mini me. We love history, stately homes, old buildings, news and politics, philosophy etc, he’s brilliant company!

My second son doesn’t love those things but together we love to hit a cricket ball, kick a football, play tennis, we cook together, go out on kayaks etc plus he’s such a funny little sweetie with a brilliant sense of humour.

I never had children with a preconceived idea of what I would do with them, I am raising them to find their own interests and if they link with mine and DHs, that’s great, if not, they have their own friends to share them.
I don’t really understand what some women think they’ll “get” from a girl child over a boy anyway, it’s a very odd idea and suggests something is missing in their own life that they expect to be filled by another human.

@bakewellbride But that is just it, it is not sexist thinking but based on observations. Children were fitted with recording devices and their language whilst they played was later carefully analysed by sociolinguistic. They did not have a axe to grind but were interested in any differences between boys and girls language when they played seemingly unobserved. Merely watching the play would not reveal this.
I am not judging here but pointing out a factual difference.
Similar studies were done of teachers to ascertain how their attitudes towards boys and girls might differ and to analyse how the genders were referred to in lessons. This latter showed what was already known, that women scarcely get a look in when it history and world events but when referred to it was in a more negative light (I believe this has somewhat changed since).

What did you have @Supremechicken ?