To be sick and tired of parenting a kid with ADHD?

[Hotterthanhades]

I know it sounds awful, but I swear to god I will lose my shit if I have to ask him one more time to flush the toilet/ brush his teeth/ remember his water bottle!!

He is 11, so old enough to do these things, but needs to be talked through everything constantly. I’m so tired of the constant reminding him to do the most basic stuff.

I have read all the coping strategies for helping kids with ADHD, but it all focuses on the kids. What about the poor bloody parents??

I sometimes feel like there’s all this chatter about ADHD, and how to help people with it and accommodate them, but no acknowledgment that there is a frazzled NT parent who can get F* all done because they are having to walk an older kid through every step of the day.

I know it’s not the worst situation to be in. And there are others caring for kids ( and adult children) with really complex needs. If that’s you, you have every right to say AIBU

but are any other parents of ADHD kids at the end of their tether??

Is it ADHD? I had the same with my kids at that age and no ADHD. I thought it was typical 11ish old behaviour!

I’m glad someone else said this as I was thinking the same.

I also have an 11 year old.woth ADHD, so I feel you. Have you tried medication? It's not a mk oracle cure by any shot, but i do find it has helped my child with the inattentiveness and hyperactivity the most.

I have 2 children, an older without ADHD and a younger one with. Yes, the older one procrastinate, doesn't always listen and needs to be nagged sometimes, but is NOTHING compared to the way the younger one is.

I find that people are quick to dismiss ADHD as parents being ineffective or kids "playing up" - in fact I had a friend who called it "naughty boy disease" - but it's tough to hear people constantly dismiss it, in particular when they haven't experienced it.

I am assuming the OP's child has been diagnosed (and trust me it isn't an easy diagnosis process!).

I hear you, the constant reminding, picking up after them, constant reminding, trying strategies, abandoning strategies cos they make things worse, constant reminding. And the mess.

While some of it might be usual 12 year old behaviour, ADHD takes it to extremes and it’s bloody exhausting.

I started a Facebook group revolving around parent wellbeing of ND kids. Well needed imo. I'm autistic and my son is autistic - verbal but with severe sensory needs and possibly adhd. Life just feels like a 24/7 car crash

Adhd household here. As much as it feels like nagging and he's 11 so should know, genuinely they just don't think!

My eldest adhder js 13 and the youngest is 11. Different sexes and chalk and cheese. I feel like I'm constantly reminding ds1 to clean his teeth, wash, put deodorant on. I just see it as part of our morning routine!

We do the same things in the same order to try and instil that routine, in the hope he will do it himself. Some days he does. Others, he scampers back upstairs as he's forgotten.

Yes, it's exhausting and I'm sure you've tried every type of check lisy going. But if not, create a routing on reminders in their phone. I do it for chores and the kids check them off when done. It helps take the stress away.

DD tells me, people with ADHD have worse relationships with family and friends than NT people. Imo OP, it’s due to the extra work they cause for their relatives and friends!

My favourite was DD asking me at 11 pm to take her to Tesco, as her period had started and she had nothing left! Like this doesn’t come round every month, especially on the pill when it’s very predictable!

Please don't say "is it ADHD" thus minimising. It's an absolute relentless slog OP. I'm in the same boat. My NT child was typically thoughtless at this age, my ASD/ADHD child is chaos. You can force a child who is bigger than you and explosive to do anything. It's exhausting. I've found continuing on with social stories but in a more structured timetable kind of way has helped a lot. A visual is necessary. We're a year into waiting for a medication appointment and I am praying it doesn't go on for much longer. Keep on keeping on

The posters saying all 11 year olds are like this, you mean well but actually you’ve just highlighted the OP’s point that you don’t understand. It is CONSTANT!

I am grateful really because he is the kindest, sweetest little boy, but my God, the reminders for every single little thing.

Get that out of your mouth, you’ll choke.
Pick that up please, if you just drop it there someone will stand on it and it will break.
Flush the toilet, remember you have to do that every time you go.
Didn’t you just pick that up, can you see it’s on the floor again? Pick it up please.
Drinks at the table only please, because remember last time you… oh, it happened again. Can you clean it up please?
Oh, you tripped over? What was it you tripped over? That thing you’ve now picked up and dropped 3 times? Pick it up then and it won’t happen again.
Can you remember what I asked you to do? See that wet patch? Clean it up please.
WHY IS THIS ON THE FLOOR AGAIN?!!!

That is approximately a 5 minute period with my 7 year old ADHD boy. He’s the best, but I’m sick of the sound of my own voice. I also have a 6 year old NT and she has her moments too, but like the 11 year olds above, it is not all the time.

Solidarity, OP. Medication does help, if that’s something you would consider. It’s maybe from 100% to 80% reminders now!

I’m with you!
Were “just meant” to deal with it but it’s bloody hard!

I also can’t be doing with parents of NT kids who say oh that’s just kids. It’s not!
well it is but it’s MORE! Much more! Same behaviours but just much more intense

I have ADHD. I went through childhood feeling not good enough, and lazy. As I’ve grown older (now 57), I’ve learnt that I can make routines, but not if I try to do it all at once.

Start with just toothbrushing, or whatever is your priority. Lots of praise if he remembers that. Once that routine is established ( give at least 3 weeks), go to the next thing. Build the routine slowly and put a checklist on his bedroom door ( only as the routines are achieved).

It will take perhaps a year or two, but not the forty it took me… 😕

People just don't understand. The constant, endless demands, chatter, inability to sit still, inability to complete one task before moving onto another, explosive frustrated episodes that end up with you and your house being wrecked. Threats of suicide. It goes on and on and on. I'm a lone parent, it's the hardest job I've ever done.

Totally agree with this. Checklists and timetables really do help. They help me too! You're absolutely right in that it takes time and patience. I'm glad you're doing well

It drives me utterly bonkers,

It is typical 11 year old behaviour. It's a million times harder to manage in an 11 year old with ADHD. That's the difference.

Thank you. DH helps because he praises me! 😁

You really have my sympathy OP. My daughter has Tuberous Sclerosis and one part of that is the child often has very challenging behaviour. Do you have any respite? This does help a bit if it gives a day or so to recover. I would I could offer more advice.

This is what I was going to say, and yes it is dull

Not ADHD, but ASD ds here - I remember losing my shit many years ago over opening yet another fucking tin of [specific] soup - banging an old fork on the worktop whilst swearing about it and bending the fork prongs.

Of course there were many other far more pressing things to lose my shit over - but I did that. And I can never forget as I still have the fork (and ds!) and it's in regular use as one of my dog food/potato-testing forks.

YANBU.

This is great advice.

I also have ADHD so sorry if my last post sounded unsympathetic.. I also parent teens

Ah come on now, being caught in short supply of sanitary products could happen to anyone- especially a young woman.

There is a reason that sanitary products can be found in public toilets etc. and it precedes ‘period poverty’ initiatives.

It would only just about be a fair criticism/observation if it was a daily occurrence someone was unprepared for.

If it's impairing this child's life to the degree that it meets diagnostic criteria, then clearly it isn't 'typical behaviour', is it?

My post was meant to be a reply to the above