AIBU not to cancel DD's party despite the house next door being in mourning?

[Padstow58]

It's my DD's birthday today. 13 and very excited. For weeks she's been planning a party at our house and for 8 girls to sleep over in the tent in our garden. She's decorated our garden and it's all ready.

Next door are a retired couple and a few weeks ago, he was taken into hospital. We've been keeping in touch with the lady neighbour so have been aware that he's not been doing too well.

This morning she let me know he died in the night.

DH now says they are a house of mourning and it would be disrespectful to hold a party next door.

But I think, as sad as it is, that it's not fair to cancel DD's party that she's been planning and looking forward to for so long.

We are detached and I'll make sure they are quiet out there after 10pm so hopefully they won't be disturbed too much by it all.

Does that sound reasonable?

Move it inside.

I'm also not convinced that you'll be successful at getting 8 13yos sleeping outdoors to be quiet by 10pm!

Another vote for move it inside.

No I don’t think you should cancel.

But I do think you should keep them inside after a certain time and be respectful (although this should be done regardless).

I would also pop some flowers and a note round saying sorry for your loss and just to make you aware that my DCs having a party but we’ll keep the noise and if it is being too noisy then here is my number to call.

Your DH sounds lovely but life goes on and tbh she’ll probably prefer to hear a bunch of teens having fun than being sat in silence.

No don’t cancel

tbh she’ll probably prefer to hear a bunch of teens having fun than being sat in silence

You cannot possibly know that. I would take silence over teens any normal day of the week.

Don’t cancel. The house is detached, you can ask the kids to be quiet after 10pm. To be honest, the neighbour will likely be so at sea that she likely won’t even register the noise.

Nah not a chance would I cancel. Yes it’s very sad someone died. But it’s your neighbour. Not a family member. Life goes on as I’m sure she realises.
Your child is entitled to a party just as much as she is entitled to grieve her husband. I wouldn’t give it a second thought

I'm shocked so many people say the party should go ahead as planned

I'd take the kids out for dinner instead, or have sleepover indoors

No way will a bunch of 13 YO in a tent be quiet and respectful

Life is for the living, OP. I know it's only just happened though.

Maybe speak to her and make her aware and gauge her response.

This. It's sad but life goes on. I wouldn't bring the sleepover indoors either if you didn't want to.

Your child is entitled to a party just as much as she is entitled to grieve her husband

@Gymmum82 Are you seriously suggesting the disappointment of rescheduling a party is in any way comparable to losing a life partner?

Life must go on.

I don’t think you should cancel. Send her a card and let her know that you are here to help if necessary, turn down the noise after 10 pm.
She might be even distracted by your noises for good, after my Dad died my mum said that it’s the empty quiet house she couldn’t tolerate not neighbours noises.

Crikey I think you should warn all neighbours about the party! If my dd's friends are anything to go by there could be a lot of noise. Can they sleep in the house - bring them inside by 9ish? If you're grieving and struggling with sleep which could be the case, the last thing you need is a disturbed night. Unless of course your garden is massive and your dd and her friends are quiet?

Why don't you actually go and speak to her. My neighbours husband passed last year (elderly couple) I know she would have said no, you let the girls have some fun.
But I at least would have given her the option to say that, or say she'd prefer the quiet.
If it's the latter, move it indoors. If not, no problem.

Not what @Gymmum82 insinuated at all

Don't cancel that's ridiculous

No one would want or expect that

I'd be so upset if I found out a 13 year old cancelled their party because I was mourning.

Life goes on regardless

Of course you should continue with the party as planned.
I’m all for being respectful but when my DM died, I knew the rest of the world kept on turning.

Gosh I'd have cancelled without thinking.

Agree with those who say have the party but keep them in.

Bad enough being kept up half the night by giggling teens, but when you are mourning the death of a loved one, would be horrific.

Life goes on. I wouldn't cancel. Take some flowers and a card round and just say its DDs birthday and she is having a small gathering in the garden. Just ask the girls to be respectful and keep the noise down

It wouldn't even occur to me to cancel tbh, I think your DH sounds quite old fashioned. I'd be extra vigilant not to be a nuisance generally but I think the "house of mourning" talk is quite odd.

I’m surprised at some of the flippant responses. Your husband sounds like a decent human being that considers other peoples feelings.
Make her aware of the party, I would knock on the door rather than a note as it will allow you to judge her reaction and make your decisions accordingly. I might not cancel it but I might try and tone it down somewhat.

You just need to pop round with a card, and maybe some cake or flowers or something, and chances are the sister will answer the door and you can mention that it’s awkward timing but …