Loveless marriage VS commitment to family

[hoven]

AIBU to suggest that committing to stay in a marriage for your children is more important to show your children than showing them an 'example of a happy relationship'?

In marriages without abuse or toxicity of course

@rolvus I'm very lucky to have some equity in my property so my mortgage payments are lower but the reality is that we might still need to sell the 'family home'. That doesn't bother me that much, it's just a house. I don't meet affordability on my own.
We live frugally and I work full time. Get some UC but not equivalent to a full time other persons wage. I just find joy in the small things.
With my ex we could have gone to Disneyland and been miserable. So once you've lived through that you know that happiness can't be bought. Yes it's shit being skint at times but I know now that life is better when you're happy. If you're happy you can have 2p in your current account and still know that it's worth it.

When we split I promised that I would give my children one hour of play every day. I stick to that and I think they appreciate it more than stuff. We talk about when we used to eat out, or when we went to a theme park. They still do that stuff with their dad. They never say that they wish I'd stuck with their dad in order to go to centre parcs each year or have new clothes!

I agree. By loveless do you mean a lack of sex? There’s more ways to show commitment than a hump once a week. Being part of a team is more important to me at this busy stage in our lives, after nearly 31 years of marriage. It’s supporting each other and communicating and having common aims, and especially caring for your children.

His values mean he is committed to his family above everything

Time will tell, but you sound very vulnerable and not very committed to improving the situation, one way or another.

I'm not on about my children. I'm on about ME. I would rather have had 2 parents in separate 2/3 bedroom houses, and missed out on Uni, rather than the exec 4 bedroomed detached they had. I might have ended up with bigger student debt as my parents couldn't reach have contributed enough, I might have ended up living in a smaller house myself as an adult BUT SEEN AT LEAST ONE OF MY PARENTS HAPPY. I'm a product of exactly what scenario you're talking about, and I'm deeply unhappy my parents didn't separate.

OP, you're being so obtuse, argumentative and deliberately blinkered I really do hope your husband takes the decision out of your hands. Using him as a sperm donor for your own selfish wants is completely despicable.

So go ahead, put your own spin on this post and twist my words to suit your own narrative like you're doing with everyone who's disagreeing with you with very valid examples from their own lives.

@FarmGirl78 happiness does not depend on your relationship. Many people are in great relationships but are clinically depressed. It's also possible to be in a dull relationship but happy overall due to other factors

How do those who disagree explain clinical depression in those with great marriages?

@hoven WTF are you on about now?

Its just yet another switcheroo when she feels her point is losing ground. I call troll.

What can't you understand? I'm explaining why your ideas are reductionist ie dull relationship = sad life.

The overwhelming majority here are talking about loveless marriages, not specifically dull ones. A very large chunk (mainly ones who made the decision themselves rather than having it made for them) are saying that greater happiness came after separating. The consensus of opinion is that staying in a loveless marriage DOES NOT set a good example to your children, in fact quite the opposite. And that was the crux of your thread, wasn't it?