AIBU to think this is grim. Funeral.

[ThatFraggle]

A group of mourners all in normal funeral clothes. Some more formal, some less. Some not black. Fine.

Then a group of three girls. They looked older than primary school age, but younger than A level.

The one was in a skintight mini dress she kept having to pull down.

The other two were in those hotpants-vest combo unitard things people seem to wear these days. Basically like a spanx leotard, coming a couple of inches below the bum.

Yes, it's hot. And yes, people can wear what they like, but surely there's a time and a place, and a funeral is not the place.

AIBU that if it were my young teens coming down for a funeral dressed like that, I'd tell them to go back upstairs and get changed?

It's respect. But I don't think young teenagers would really get that. It was up to an adult to guide them.

You’re judging children, at a funeral, for what they are wearing? You have bigger problems than an outfit.

This place is nuts sometimes.

Of course hotpants are inappropriate and disrespectful at a funeral. Of course you - and anybody with eyes - would notice the hotpants and think "bloody hell, that's inappropriate". Of course the vast majority of parents would be aghast if their DC went to a funeral dressed like that.

And all this "oh but they're only kids" nonsense. Please. I would've known that hotpants weren't appropriate for a funeral when I was a teenager (and years before that, tbh) because I had a bit of common sense and respect. I hadn't been to a funeral either back then, but I also didn't live under a rock.

YANBU, OP.

TBH, I don't think the people I socialise with would give two shits if I did.

I agree that it's very inappropriate and I wouldn't be letting mine dress like that to a funeral. But things aren't always what they appear - eg what if their relative was a dance instructor and they were wearing memorable dance wear specific to a time with that person, or if the clothes had been made by the dead person. But then they could wear a cotton dress over the top. Most likely just inappropriate, I just wouldn't judge (out loud).

Ofc it’s inappropriate but maybe the deceased would have approved!

I went to a funeral once that served tequila shots.

Unfortunately that's our society now. Lack of standards and increasing selfishness. And everyone bending over backwards to not judge. Hotpants are not suitable funeral attire.

Sometimes adults in mourning aren't thinking about what others are wearing, they are just glad people are there to mourn with them. Let it go.

I honestly can't guess the ages. Somewhere between 11/12 (some year six girls look much older, especially with makeup) but I wouldn't say older than 16 max.

Why does it matter? Why does anything matter. As long as you don't murder anyone, anything goes?

If people can get riled up about parking, drawing diagrams and talking about it for dozens of threads, why can't wider morals be discussed on a forum?

I didn't say anything, or tut or make a 'cat-bum-face', or anything like that.

Take it you have never been to a traveler funeral or seen them on tv that's tame and that comes from some one with traveler relatives

It's not a race to the bottom though.

Would you be OK with your primary kids' teacher wearing a bikini to teach them?

Sometimes clothes are inappropriate for the setting and it's not slut shaming to think so.

I don't think it'll bother the deceased. Does it really matter? It isn't the 1800s, you can wear whatever you like to a funeral these days.

Will you tell us who you think these children were in relation to the deceased, op? Because children at a funeral are very often family members and I think that makes a big difference.

Genuinely can’t believe the number of people on this thread who care what some random teens were wearing to their loved one’s funeral.

Many more people are getting fewer and fewer social skills.

I don't know the relation. I was just really taken aback to see how they were dressed.

And not a brain cell to think this might not be appropriate?

Were you attending the funeral or just watching them going in? I can think of some funerals I've been to where the whole etiquette was to wear what you want and the whole normal dress code goes out of the window.

Depends who there are to the deceased as well my sil died young at 30 from cancer and her dieing wish was ware what you feel happy in no black so we went as if we was going clubbing after words she loved clubbing

I think this makes all the difference.

Imagine they were grandchildren- quite easy to imagine a situation in which their parent (child of the deceased) said "wear whatever you like- Grandad wouldn't care, he'd just be pleased you're there" (or whatever). I think it's really the family who decide what goes at a funeral, and that might be different from what you would choose. In that scenario, I think judging them (and framing it in terms of "their parents should have told them") is really off.

OTOH if they're the randoms and you're principal mourner, then you're obviously entitled to think what you like.

• They might not have had anything else

Every school uniform would have been better.

Not every single person was in black.

*even

My DSIL died eight years ago, aged 34. We were asked to come to her house to hear the minister say a few words before we all went to the crematorium. My DH had lost three stone over the course of her illness and was losing his mind with grief. He has a beard and curly hair and at that point was ten stone and six foot two and looked very ill. Beards weren’t as ‘in’ for young men as they are now. Her living room was full of female friends who to my eyes, looked dressed up for a day at the races, but in black. Fascinators, fake tan, bare shoulders and legs and stacked stilettos. I’m not saying it’s wrong but it’s not what I was taught is respectful.

One sharp dressed fella with his skin-tight trouser suit and bare ankles, hair all slicked back, loudly said when he saw my DH, brother of the decreased, ‘he could have had a shave.’ He was lucky I couldn’t get to him, I could gladly have kicked him right in the nuts.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is everyone has different standards, it’s not important what you wear, everything seems wrong to someone so let it go.

It seems to me as if there are bigger problems in life to worry about. They weren't hurting anyone, and ideas of what is and isn't appropriate change over time. The neck-to-ankle-black-crepe-for-a-year Victorians would have been horrified by what you consider perfectly appropriate.