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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with ultra casual work wear

246 replies

Ceci03 · 22/06/2023 00:35

So I work in an office quite large about 30 people if everyone is in. Mostly there are fewer though. Hybrid working so only in 2-3 days. But I'm fed up with the ultra casual clothes they all wear. On my team there's a woman about 30 who wears skinny jeans and a jumper every day. Another wears leggings and a jumper every day. I like these women no worries but I have bought some nice clothes a few dresses and blazers but when I get up in the morning I feel like I will stick out too much if I wear them and end up
Wearing my old black trousers and some old top so I get in. It's my problem more than theirs. I want to look nice but chicken out. It seems to be a thing to wear the least flattering comfy clothes. Typing this am realizing I need to just wear what I want. But I want to fit in too !! Wish people would make a bit more of an effort. None of them wear make up or anything like that lol. Which is ok but makes me feel like a weirdo for putting on my mascara and lipstick lol. I guess IABU

OP posts:
NeonSoda · 22/06/2023 14:50

I don't really understand what's wrong with skinny jeans and jumpers... I usually wear skinny jeans and then something like a polo shirt, casual shirt, jumper, or branded t shirt. That's standard in my workplace.

None of my clothes are messy. They are smart and presentable, and they're always clean. I pride myself on looking really nice and smart, and I don't think I look any less smart just because I don't wear a dress or something.

They're also pretty flattering to me - not that I think 'flattering' is important at all in a work environment. I'm there to work and be professional, not to try and pull.

I do remember once being told when I worked in a jewellery shop that I should wear makeup every day because it would look more professional. Stuck with me for years until I realised that looking professional isn't the same as looking sexy or feminine.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 22/06/2023 14:59

Just because they want to dress like slobs it doesn’t mean you have to. Make some effort and look nice 👍

JazbayGrapes · 22/06/2023 15:03

But is anybody stopping the OP from wearing make-up or dressing how she feels right?

I think the lockdown showed that one is perfectly capable of doing spreadsheets while in underpants. "Smart" and "professional" is going obsolete and for good.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/06/2023 15:11

JazbayGrapes · 22/06/2023 15:03

But is anybody stopping the OP from wearing make-up or dressing how she feels right?

I think the lockdown showed that one is perfectly capable of doing spreadsheets while in underpants. "Smart" and "professional" is going obsolete and for good.

Just the OP herself.

WunWun · 22/06/2023 15:11

Nicecow · 22/06/2023 10:04

I think slobby clothes and no make up is different. I very rarely wear make up because I don't actually need it, I might occasionally wear lipgloss but that's about it.

Show quote history

Sorry, are you looking down on people who wear slobby clothes and no makeup? But saying you don't need to wear makeup because you're so perfect?! 🤣

IncomingTraffic · 22/06/2023 15:15

Why do people insist that offices must be ‘smart casual’? As if that’s a universal law or something.

The school uniform thing is weird too. It’s a whole set of clothes - and special shoes - you have to buy on top of all the real clothes you buy your kids. They’re only at school 190 days a year, so it’s not that you can just buy uniform instead. You have to have enough normal clothes for the school holidays not just weekends.

xsquared · 22/06/2023 15:24

You are being very unreasonable for trying to dictate what others wear, if it's not a uniform based profession.

No one is stopping you from wearing what you want. Let others wear what they want and you wear what you want. Your lack of confidence to be an individual, is your issue that you need to work on.

Kellogscorncrakes · 22/06/2023 15:26

It's this kind of judgemental bullshit that makes me glad I work from home

appledye · 22/06/2023 15:29

I miss dressing up too OP but honestly I'd just join in and find other outlets for the nicer wear. I also found it cheaper to wear shirts and suits as was socially acceptable to wear a shirt over and over forever. The same old jumper not so much!

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 22/06/2023 15:31

Dressing for the job you aspire to is all well and good until I turn up dressed as Henry VIII and suddenly it’s a disciplinary matter…

No way in hell would I be wearing make up or uncomfortable clothes to pander to the insecurities of a colleague. You want to dress differently, you do it. Nobody else cares, nor should they.

subolooo · 22/06/2023 15:34

I have some really nice and very quirky dresses and skirts which I wear for work. I've had so many compliments as I just wear what I want and feel quite comfortable in them. I've had a few people saying they would wear things like that to go out in and I've replied that its nice to look nice while at work as I feel its a bit more professional than jeans and tshirt. Honestly just wear your clothes, life is too short to conform to others standards

Rewis · 22/06/2023 15:58

Jeans and a jumper is considered "ultra casual"? I was thinking this was gonna be about sweatpants and oversized hoodie

stargirl1701 · 22/06/2023 16:00

I'm staggered you notice, tbh! It wouldn't occur to me to take note of what my colleagues are wearing.

Hankunamatata · 22/06/2023 16:11

Wear what you want. Some days I wear dresses and make up. Some days it's jeggings and tunic top. No one cares but you

phoenixrosehere · 22/06/2023 16:16

appledye · 22/06/2023 15:29

I miss dressing up too OP but honestly I'd just join in and find other outlets for the nicer wear. I also found it cheaper to wear shirts and suits as was socially acceptable to wear a shirt over and over forever. The same old jumper not so much!

What is stopping you or OP to dress as you like as long as your within the dress code rules of wherever you work?

Nothing is stopping OP but themselves from dressing up how they want. They are choosing to worry/judge their colleagues about what they wear and want them to conform to their standards when they don’t/shouldn’t have to because of their own insecurities. Who actually in their right mind puts that much attention and thought to what their colleagues wear to the point they’re bringing up a colleague’s thigh gap? That’s just weird.

darkmodeon · 22/06/2023 16:21

Ansjovis · 22/06/2023 14:33

You mention that the lack of makeup usage is bothering you. Are you bothered by having to see the naked faces of both men and women or just the women?

Interesting question.

bellsandwhistles333 · 22/06/2023 16:26

I encourage you to put ok your nice clothes!! My office is very much like yours and it's pretty casual for the most part unless we have meetings / court etc

However we have a guy who is in suits and smart shoes everyday and looks so great and a lady who always looks fabulous in very smart workwear, blazers , heels and dresses etc she is always getting compliments and people wish they would dress more like her.

Be that person!

neverbeenskiing · 22/06/2023 16:26

I think the lockdown showed that one is perfectly capable of doing spreadsheets while in underpants. "Smart" and "professional" is going obsolete and for good.

People have definitely become more casual since Covid. I had a Zoom meeting the other week and there was someone on the call who was working from home and had on a dressing gown. I know IABU because being in a dressing gown doesn't affect your ability to do your job, but something about it just felt disrespectful to me and others in the meeting. If it's too much effort to run a brush though your hair and pop a jumper on then it sends a message that you don't care.

Brightbear · 22/06/2023 16:29

You want your colleagues to put make up because you do?

Seriously?

CoffeeCantata · 22/06/2023 16:33

Of course people should be able to wear what they like (within sensible limits...) but I get what you're saying. I used to go to work in possibly more formal clothes (dresses, skirts, cardigans, jackets, sometimes black or grey trousers) and got sick of being asked 'Are you going to a wedding?' or told 'You dress like a head-teacher!' Now, I woudn't have dreamed of commenting on the fact that most of my younger colleagues were in tight leggings, flip-flops and smock tops - it didn't bother me at all, but the digs were certainly one-sided.

I think if you're perceived to be over-dressed you do get a harder time these days, but it was and still is my personal preference for a more formal look at work, especially when you are at all public-facing.

And I'm not talking 'City formal' here - just not 'sofa casual'.

Happyhappyeveryday · 22/06/2023 16:34

Please just wear what you want. I’m similar to you in that I also like to look smart for work. Sometimes people make passive aggressive comments about me looking ‘posh’ or ‘ultra-smart,’ but I choose to take the latter as a compliment. It makes me feel more together and focused, so I just stick with smart and usually tailored (except when it’s really hot.) The people who say you sound awful are way too judgemental- you don’t. Adults can dress how they want - within reason! I hope you find the confidence to be yourself x

Workawayxx · 22/06/2023 16:38

I saw a fashion video on YouTube or somewhere about how you can make an outfit smarter or more casual by swapping 2 item out. So smart trousers, blouse, blazer, bag, shoes. Swap shoes for trainers and smart bag for slouchy leather backpack. Instant smart casual. So I’d wear your lovely smart clothes but casual them down a bit initially till you feel more comfortable.

bingoitsadingo · 22/06/2023 16:45

WunWun · 22/06/2023 15:11

Sorry, are you looking down on people who wear slobby clothes and no makeup? But saying you don't need to wear makeup because you're so perfect?! 🤣

Show quote history

Wow, what a horrible post. No-one needs to wear makeup. There is nothing wrong with anyone's natural face. Some people might feel happier or more confident wearing it, which is fine, but you don't need to look "perfect" to feel that you don't need to wear makeup. You can simply be comfortable in your own skin.

WunWun · 22/06/2023 16:51

bingoitsadingo · 22/06/2023 16:45

Wow, what a horrible post. No-one needs to wear makeup. There is nothing wrong with anyone's natural face. Some people might feel happier or more confident wearing it, which is fine, but you don't need to look "perfect" to feel that you don't need to wear makeup. You can simply be comfortable in your own skin.

Show quote history

I think you've replied to the wrong post?