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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up with ultra casual work wear

246 replies

Ceci03 · 22/06/2023 00:35

So I work in an office quite large about 30 people if everyone is in. Mostly there are fewer though. Hybrid working so only in 2-3 days. But I'm fed up with the ultra casual clothes they all wear. On my team there's a woman about 30 who wears skinny jeans and a jumper every day. Another wears leggings and a jumper every day. I like these women no worries but I have bought some nice clothes a few dresses and blazers but when I get up in the morning I feel like I will stick out too much if I wear them and end up
Wearing my old black trousers and some old top so I get in. It's my problem more than theirs. I want to look nice but chicken out. It seems to be a thing to wear the least flattering comfy clothes. Typing this am realizing I need to just wear what I want. But I want to fit in too !! Wish people would make a bit more of an effort. None of them wear make up or anything like that lol. Which is ok but makes me feel like a weirdo for putting on my mascara and lipstick lol. I guess IABU

OP posts:
IncomingTraffic · 22/06/2023 07:00

ememem84 · 22/06/2023 06:42

My work has a dress code. We have always been on the more casual side of business casual - with the expectation that if meeting clients, especially potential ones we will dress appropriately.

after the lockdowns we were casual casual and now it’s more of a hybrid dress code. Has to be work appropriate. No shorts. No flip flops. No skinny straps on tops. Nothing we’d wear to the beach etc.

Show quote history

That isn’t a reason for why all workplaces should have a ‘dress code’.

Implicitly they do anyway. In the OP’s workplace jeans or leggings and a jumper are fine. They aren’t wearing bikinis or pyjamas, are they? If they weren’t a boss would do something about it.

‘work appropriate’ isn’t a fixed category. It depends on your employer. Many employers are totally happy for people to wear jeans and a jumper.

It’s not even a brand new thing. Back in the last century, i was regularly lectured by professors in jeans and a T-shirt (or even professors in shorts and a T-shirt on a hot day). It didn’t make them any less competent or knowledgable. What different would it have made to insist they wore slacks and shirts?

greencheetah · 22/06/2023 07:02

Seddon · 22/06/2023 02:42

I think you should call a meeting, or send a group email requesting that everyone dress more smartly from now on so that you can feel better about your own outfits.

No?

Then I guess you know YABU.

Oh yes please do this. And report back.

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 22/06/2023 07:09

Wear what you want and stop judging other women by things like thigh gaps.

BlameItOnTheGoose · 22/06/2023 07:22

OP, is the main issue that you spent money on new work clothes that you're now not wearing? That's understandable. I would be annoyed - at myself - if I had bought a bunch of clothes to wear at work only to discover that they were too formal (or not formal enough) for the setting. But that would be my problem, not anyone else's.

Greenshake · 22/06/2023 07:54

@wildfirewonder nobody would be dressing to please the OP. Workplaces should have dress codes (I) relevant to the work environment, for several reasons (II) because it avoids the confusion that the OP is referring to and (III) as it inspires confidence among the consumer/client/service user.

gabsdot · 22/06/2023 08:11

Wear what you want to. I work in the office attached to a factory. All the factory employees, obviously dress very casually and it has spread a bit to the office. e.g. the financal accountant wears always jeans.
I like to wear dresses so I do. I would't let others dicatate what I wear.

DisgustingBrother · 22/06/2023 08:17

YABU.

Wear what you want.

If there's no dress code they can wear what they want.

I wear dungarees/flip flops/leggings to the office. There is no dress code. I like to be comfortable.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 22/06/2023 08:21

Why should your desire to wear 'nice dresses' trump their desire to be comfortable?

You do you, they do them. Sorted.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/06/2023 08:21

In fairness, OP, at least you recognise that this is your issue, not theirs. It's odd that what other people wear would have such an impact on you.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 22/06/2023 08:23

Ceci03 · 22/06/2023 01:04

What they wear is affecting me though that's the problem ! Maybe I should be asking for advice on being more confident. I feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb if I make any kind of effort with my appearance! We can be customer facing some days but mostly not.

Just because they wear jeans and a jumper doesn't mean they aren't making an effort with their appearance.

Nussbaum · 22/06/2023 08:25

The UK makes me laugh with the school uniforms and formal clothing in offices, especially in offices where no one sees you.
You should be able to dress in what you like, including leggings and strappy tops.

PimpMyFridge · 22/06/2023 08:29

In our office everyone has their own style. Some love to dress smartly, others don't and go for more casual. No one is giving anyone the side eye or feeling out of place because... They are just expressing who they are and it suits them (the workplace dress code is pretty broad) and everyone just enjoys and appreciates being surrounded by people who are at ease with themselves... One lady rocks up in stunning office dresses every day and the one sat next to her in jeans (me) loves it.

That's what you're missing op, the confidence to bring who you are to work. Maybe your own thoughts are self sabotaging... You're busy eyeing up other people's style and thigh gaps, so you project Judge-y thoughts onto others. In reality I think most people would be happy if you were being you.

Nordicrain · 22/06/2023 08:31

Wear what you want. As you say yourself, this is your problem not theirs.

luckylavender · 22/06/2023 08:32

Wear whatever you want & stop judging

Thereoughttobeclowns · 22/06/2023 08:32

My office is casual, but I’d be 🤨 at someone in leggings! That’s too casual.

I’m going into work later and I’ll see a colleague who clearly loves dressing up for work. She’ll have a lovely dress and sandals on and just looks ‘done up’. Yes, she sticks out a bit in a sea of jeans and relaxed clothing, but she doesn’t care and nor should you, OP.

Newusernameaug · 22/06/2023 08:36

I can’t believe I’m reading this!

So you want your work colleagues to wear make up so you can? Bizarre!

Id do some work on yourself like CBT.

Evaka · 22/06/2023 08:42

OP, you're wildly overthinking this. In my workplace half the team are wearing shorts this week. I wore linen trousers and a shirt yesterday, I might wear dungarees tomorrow. Let people be and wear what you prefer.

BarbedButterfly · 22/06/2023 08:46

I don't care about smart clothes at all. I wouldn't care at all if my lawyer was in jeans and a t shirt if they did a good job. Wear what you want. I wear nice dresses most of the time and don't care if others are more dressed down. No one should feel they have to wear makeup either.

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 22/06/2023 08:48

Greenshake · 22/06/2023 00:56

The OP doesn’t sound awful at all. Stop exaggerating. Workplaces should have dress codes/expectations.

Show quote history

And the OP's workplace dress code is clearly "wear what you want".

She could try being less judgemental and getting on with her job. And perhaps stop looking at the "gap between the thighs" of the leggings. Or, pubes as most people would call it. Which frankly is a bit off.

SaveMeFromForearms · 22/06/2023 08:49

I love dressing up for work! It makes me feel 'on' and in control. I'm probably the most 'dressy' person in my office but I don't worry about it.

Just wear whatever you like!

FiddleLeaf · 22/06/2023 08:52

I dress up for the office, some do & some don’t.

Wear whatever the hell you want, leggings included.

Sissynova · 22/06/2023 08:53

Wear what you want and let other people wear what they want.

Personally I'm glad the days of pencil dresses and heels are largely dead. The few people that do it make me cringe, it looks so dated.

You sound very insecure to not be able to wear lipstick based on other people.

JamSandle · 22/06/2023 08:55

I'm perfectly happy with it. I used to find traditional work wear stifling.

sudo · 22/06/2023 08:55

Remember the phrase:

"Dress for the job you want, not the job you have”

Brefugee · 22/06/2023 08:57

Ceci03 · 22/06/2023 01:04

What they wear is affecting me though that's the problem ! Maybe I should be asking for advice on being more confident. I feel like I stuck out like a sore thumb if I make any kind of effort with my appearance! We can be customer facing some days but mostly not.

well done for identifiying what your real question should have been.

Wear what you like. You never know, they might start wearing similar?

Where i work there is zero dress code (dress for your day kind of thing, so no meeting clients/suppliers in raggy old shorts and a Wacken 2016 t-shirt which one of the devs wore in the office the other day)

It is great to see that all the fellows are wearing nice light shorts and t-shirts when it is really hot. Everyone wears comfy footwear. I love it. I often wear what might even do for a garden party, because i have a fair amount of clothes and like to wear them.