Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH (33!) has no common sense

270 replies

HeadacheEarthquake · 22/06/2023 00:05

Exhibit A - friend and I plan to have bbq last Sunday afternoon after a long theatre rehearsal 1hr away ending at 3pm. DH decides to light bbq and put expensive steaks I purchased on for 40 minutes as soon as we text to say we are on our way. We arrive to shrunken rubber meat biscuits.

B - Cat indoors for a week on meds. Cat has always disliked litter tray but used when needed. DH moves tray to middle of downstairs bathroom and cat boy kicks litter all over batbroom. Have asked him to clean it and it's been three days, with bathroom out of use for me and my clients as I refuse to sweep and change it if it is in the middle of the room as opposed to corner where it was. Have now at midnight had to do it as cleaner coming tomorrow and would not wish there to be doing Cat litter all over bathroom.

C- DH Made "salad" yesterday and gave me the tummy rots as tried to put "olive oil" on the salad like I do sometimes. Actually used Olivio which is vegetable oil with a dash of olive. Whole salad greasy covered in veg oil and inedible. Waste of money.

These are only a few small examples but he cannot see or think ahead and I cannot cope. Anyone else with me here with a well meaning but witless DH

OP posts:
Greenly3 · 26/06/2023 18:41

Oh gosh I realise there is the potential serious side to this post, but I haven’t laughed so much in ages! Mumsnet you kill it when it comes to witty replies. I’ve decide after 44 years married that we are not meant to live together😂 women …. Men…. And then the potential to meet when needed,required or desired😱😂

MustWeDoThis · 26/06/2023 18:47

HeadacheEarthquake · 22/06/2023 00:05

Exhibit A - friend and I plan to have bbq last Sunday afternoon after a long theatre rehearsal 1hr away ending at 3pm. DH decides to light bbq and put expensive steaks I purchased on for 40 minutes as soon as we text to say we are on our way. We arrive to shrunken rubber meat biscuits.

B - Cat indoors for a week on meds. Cat has always disliked litter tray but used when needed. DH moves tray to middle of downstairs bathroom and cat boy kicks litter all over batbroom. Have asked him to clean it and it's been three days, with bathroom out of use for me and my clients as I refuse to sweep and change it if it is in the middle of the room as opposed to corner where it was. Have now at midnight had to do it as cleaner coming tomorrow and would not wish there to be doing Cat litter all over bathroom.

C- DH Made "salad" yesterday and gave me the tummy rots as tried to put "olive oil" on the salad like I do sometimes. Actually used Olivio which is vegetable oil with a dash of olive. Whole salad greasy covered in veg oil and inedible. Waste of money.

These are only a few small examples but he cannot see or think ahead and I cannot cope. Anyone else with me here with a well meaning but witless DH

Husband once eat my TWO expensive steaks from the fridge, which I purchased for Valentines day. Replaced them with 2, scabby frying steaks from the co-op as if I wouldn't notice when he placed the burned, rubbery offerings on my plate with no sauce or sides.

Wiped the floor with him, stormed off to bed, made him sleep down stairs.

Nobody puts Babie's steaks in their corner belly.

Coloursingreydays · 26/06/2023 18:57

just send him to a GP. might be stress related.

I knew I was marrying an Useless person in the house, reason Why I negotiate absolutalety everything and Everyone is happy, we have a kid and honestly is a perfect dad with her which makes me sooooo happy, but OMG the lack of everything that this man came with from the lack of Parenting of his folks, I mean... wow. I decided I was not even going to try to change him or the situations so I make him pay for it :)
Doesnt know how to cook, to put a light bulb, not handyman at all, or cleaning. NO driving, not school chores...honestly I do not know how he is SO damn good at work... I made peace with it. life is too short hahaha.

justrude · 26/06/2023 19:29

I read your original post, and thought blooming heck! There's another one!

I know others have suggested it but DH was diagnosed with ADHD last year at the age of 47, after I completely lost my shit because I absolutely could not take any more of his ridiculous behaviour. (We have been married 29 years and he is a wonderful, wonderful man with many amazing qualities. But also many quirks.)

It has made things a lot clearer, in that I know how to respond to him and how to manage him better. Ritalin has made a huge difference...
it doesn't mean that I am not also exhausted and at the end of my tether with him. (I am. Often.)

Equally, 2DC have ASD/ADHD and I can see clear links now, on his side of the family. We also have 2 NT DC so the comparisons are quite stark.

Of course, I knew none of this at 22, when we got married. Just thought he was a bit daft.

mandlerparr · 26/06/2023 19:33

Yeah, he needs a doctor. Has he started any meds around this started happening? Or has he started snoring a lot or sleeping less or badly around the time this started happening? Or maybe even before, because while you can't accumulate sleep, you can accumulate loss of sleep.

Inwiththenew · 26/06/2023 19:34

Can you sort out problems with computers, happily put flat packs together move furniture around etc…. Am not sure if it’s deliberate but a lot of men are generally not great at cooking and cleaning and I as a woman would rather pass the above jobs over to a man. I know it can be annoying, I really really do know 😂 but you have to remember they do come in handy sometimes.

Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 26/06/2023 19:41

Inwiththenew · 26/06/2023 19:34

Can you sort out problems with computers, happily put flat packs together move furniture around etc…. Am not sure if it’s deliberate but a lot of men are generally not great at cooking and cleaning and I as a woman would rather pass the above jobs over to a man. I know it can be annoying, I really really do know 😂 but you have to remember they do come in handy sometimes.

I do the flat-pack, the DIY and anything to do with computers, heavy lifting, gardening and decorating.

OP posts:
myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 20:02

I wonder if it is because you are an actor that you do not see the big picture but blow up the minutiae? Your partner's health is paramount, not where he puts a cat litter tray before your cleaner arrives, or if he kindly cooks steaks but gets the timing off, and the oil thing could happen to anyone. You are lucky he cooks! Have you thought whether his issues may be caused by your overbearing and seemingly selfish attitude? The majority of Mumsnetters are actually Mums. We have to juggle families and careers *often without cleaners) and we tend not to be the star of the show, but the supporting act. Perhaps you should try that for once.

Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 26/06/2023 20:05

myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 20:02

I wonder if it is because you are an actor that you do not see the big picture but blow up the minutiae? Your partner's health is paramount, not where he puts a cat litter tray before your cleaner arrives, or if he kindly cooks steaks but gets the timing off, and the oil thing could happen to anyone. You are lucky he cooks! Have you thought whether his issues may be caused by your overbearing and seemingly selfish attitude? The majority of Mumsnetters are actually Mums. We have to juggle families and careers *often without cleaners) and we tend not to be the star of the show, but the supporting act. Perhaps you should try that for once.

🤣

OP posts:
myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 20:30

I'm so glad you found my response amusing OP. it might be different if you had to walk in any of our (mums) shoes for one day. In my instance I have an extremely challenging adult DS with multiple SEN and physical challenges, and my DH and I have come to realise that DH is also on the spectrum, to a much lesser extent. It would be lovely if life was all 2nd curtain calls and bouquets of flowers, but we have to find our happiness in minor achievements. I know I have found mine. Now look after your DP, remember why you fell in love with him and go and find your joy.

Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 26/06/2023 20:39

myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 20:30

I'm so glad you found my response amusing OP. it might be different if you had to walk in any of our (mums) shoes for one day. In my instance I have an extremely challenging adult DS with multiple SEN and physical challenges, and my DH and I have come to realise that DH is also on the spectrum, to a much lesser extent. It would be lovely if life was all 2nd curtain calls and bouquets of flowers, but we have to find our happiness in minor achievements. I know I have found mine. Now look after your DP, remember why you fell in love with him and go and find your joy.

I think you have a completely overblown idea of what my life is like and you came across very aggressive about the comparison between us.

Not everyone on here has or wants kids and some people budget for a cleaner because they are too busy, tired and sometimes too sick do it all themselves.

I've actively chosen not to have kids as there's a high chance preganancy will put my life in danger - do you want to swap?

You could have just said "there's always someone worse off"

OP posts:
myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 20:47

HeadacheEarthquake · 26/06/2023 20:39

I think you have a completely overblown idea of what my life is like and you came across very aggressive about the comparison between us.

Not everyone on here has or wants kids and some people budget for a cleaner because they are too busy, tired and sometimes too sick do it all themselves.

I've actively chosen not to have kids as there's a high chance preganancy will put my life in danger - do you want to swap?

You could have just said "there's always someone worse off"

Show quote history

It is Mumsnet.

Wimpeyspread · 26/06/2023 20:49

myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 20:47

It is Mumsnet.

Show quote history

So those without children have no business being on here? I think if you remove all the chips off your shoulders you’d find life easier

myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 20:50

That is an interesting response. Fortunately I am chip free. I have a happy life. Sort your priorites out and you will too.

JockSmashnova · 26/06/2023 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 26/06/2023 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Probably my DH... I did ask him to

OP posts:
Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 26/06/2023 20:56

HeadacheEarthquake · 26/06/2023 20:55

Probably my DH... I did ask him to

Show quote history

To close it *

OP posts:
myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 21:13

I was actually trying to give you some sensible advise about your priorities OP. No need for name calling, I would never stoop so low. I used terms that I thought might make you smile, connected to your vocation, but you did not see my humour, sadly. Please do take some time to reflect on the positives of your situation and help your beloved. Life is way too short. It really is.

Original poster
HeadacheEarthquake · 26/06/2023 21:42

myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 21:13

I was actually trying to give you some sensible advise about your priorities OP. No need for name calling, I would never stoop so low. I used terms that I thought might make you smile, connected to your vocation, but you did not see my humour, sadly. Please do take some time to reflect on the positives of your situation and help your beloved. Life is way too short. It really is.

I didn't call you anything - but you did call me overbearing, selfish, and the star of the show. None of that made me smile, because it's not true - It doesn't matter what my job is.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 26/06/2023 21:50

I didn't find your "sensible advice" very kind to the OP either. In fact it was very patronising and unhelpful.

Good luck on Thursday OP, I hope you find some answers.

myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 21:50

You quoted a slur and commented on it. Twice. But yes, I did make my comments because that is how it reads. You started with miniscule, nonsensical things that only affected you, and are truly nothing in the scheme of things. Everyone clears up pet poo! Most of us trip over food bowls etc, sometimes barbecues are ill timed even with the best intentions, sometimes salads are spoiled. It was only later in the thread that you revealed you DP might actually have real issues that need your support. This is why I jumped to comment on your thread. I repeat, please prioritise properly, poppet.

Marmalade71 · 26/06/2023 22:19

Ignoring the cuntastically awful series of poets from myfaceismyown...

OP I'm glad he's seeing a doctor. Like many of us I can recognise some of the behaviours you describe, but in myself rather than a partner. Dinner is late tonight as yet again I set the timer without putting the oven on 🤯 so I understand how frustrating it must be to live with. but it's the deterioration that is most worrying and must be investigated.

myfaceismyown · 26/06/2023 22:43

@Marmalade71 and others. Please remember that Mumsnet does not allow slurs/expletives and that all of us are entitled to our opinions. I do not warrant your abhoration.

Angrywife · 26/06/2023 22:58

HeadacheEarthquake · 22/06/2023 00:05

Exhibit A - friend and I plan to have bbq last Sunday afternoon after a long theatre rehearsal 1hr away ending at 3pm. DH decides to light bbq and put expensive steaks I purchased on for 40 minutes as soon as we text to say we are on our way. We arrive to shrunken rubber meat biscuits.

B - Cat indoors for a week on meds. Cat has always disliked litter tray but used when needed. DH moves tray to middle of downstairs bathroom and cat boy kicks litter all over batbroom. Have asked him to clean it and it's been three days, with bathroom out of use for me and my clients as I refuse to sweep and change it if it is in the middle of the room as opposed to corner where it was. Have now at midnight had to do it as cleaner coming tomorrow and would not wish there to be doing Cat litter all over bathroom.

C- DH Made "salad" yesterday and gave me the tummy rots as tried to put "olive oil" on the salad like I do sometimes. Actually used Olivio which is vegetable oil with a dash of olive. Whole salad greasy covered in veg oil and inedible. Waste of money.

These are only a few small examples but he cannot see or think ahead and I cannot cope. Anyone else with me here with a well meaning but witless DH

I was always under the impression that my husband didn't have a brother but you appeared to have found one!

What is it with these men?!
My best mates husband is the same