DH (33!) has no common sense

[HeadacheEarthquake]

Exhibit A - friend and I plan to have bbq last Sunday afternoon after a long theatre rehearsal 1hr away ending at 3pm. DH decides to light bbq and put expensive steaks I purchased on for 40 minutes as soon as we text to say we are on our way. We arrive to shrunken rubber meat biscuits.

B - Cat indoors for a week on meds. Cat has always disliked litter tray but used when needed. DH moves tray to middle of downstairs bathroom and cat boy kicks litter all over batbroom. Have asked him to clean it and it's been three days, with bathroom out of use for me and my clients as I refuse to sweep and change it if it is in the middle of the room as opposed to corner where it was. Have now at midnight had to do it as cleaner coming tomorrow and would not wish there to be doing Cat litter all over bathroom.

C- DH Made "salad" yesterday and gave me the tummy rots as tried to put "olive oil" on the salad like I do sometimes. Actually used Olivio which is vegetable oil with a dash of olive. Whole salad greasy covered in veg oil and inedible. Waste of money.

These are only a few small examples but he cannot see or think ahead and I cannot cope. Anyone else with me here with a well meaning but witless DH

This....

Report then poppet, but we can certainly use expletives here. And we can certainly say some posts are full of *@!?# .

Poppet 🤣

Getting Mrs Doubtfire vibes

I have reported it. In the 80s I became aware of feminism and have been a strong proponent of the movement ever since. using slang terms for female genetalia as an insult is not a slight against me, it is denegratating to every female and sets us back 100 years.

You are funny. It's allowed here. Lots of words are that you might not approve of.

Sorry OP, didn't mean to derail your thread. Now please look after hubby better in future so you won't ever have (time to) to post on mumsnet again, there's a dear.

You became a proponent of feminism and yet you’re telling OP, a woman, to put up with a man’s lazy behaviour and calling other women ‘poppet’. Okaaaaaay.

"there's a dear" getting Mrs Doubtfire vibes. To quote.

No. I am advising her to look at the bigger picture. Her DH has issues that need addressing. The cat poo and salad dressing does not. Poppet is a friendly term, it is not in the least derogatory.

I see that went over your head then 😂

@Pixiedust1234 I now realise that I am dealing with children, so I guess I should simplify my words for you to grasp some sort of basic understanding.

It could be that he was always a bit dizzy AND this is new mental decline.

" I need him to accept his ND and make steps to manage it my ableist demands on him to fit into my neurotypical expectations .. "

Fixed it for you 🙂

Also ... how did you 'get the shits' from a salad that you say was 'inedible' ? You either ate it & got the shits or you didn't eat it (y'know, the "inedible" bit of your hissy fit) and you're just exaggerating for the MN drama.

Sorry, but you are being ableist here. Her partner obviously needs help, whether medically, mentally, or both. But, because they are autistic, we are just supposed to ignore what they are doing and let it go? No, that is ableist. Do you also think that people who have partners with depression should just let them sit around in their own filth and never lift a finger because they are experiencing symptoms?
Have sympathy, make reasonable concessions, but you don't just let people do whatever they want just because they have an autism diagnosis.
Expecting someone to clean up after themselves and do basic cooking while paying attention is not ableist. and yes, if he needs more help and won't accept it because he is denying his diagnosis, that is a problem.

The quote from OP that I referenced was about ND - neurodivergency - not physical health, not depression, not mental health.

My comment was strictly in relation to OPs ND comment only. No-one mentioned anyone 'sitting in filth' so why are you?

Someone who is neurodivergent isn't 'unwell' and doesn't need to be cured or fixed or managed or filtered to fit in quietly and apologetically with a neurotypical persons needs.

No one mentioned 'sitting in filth' - I think you're projecting and misguided at best, at worst, dangerous.

I don't understand these men you marry. I share my flat with my ex. He was a good dad, they're now in their 50's. A good husband. We just moved away from each other. He does everything in the flat now as I've developed certain problems. Ladies, get rid of these awful men.

Just ignore that poster. They’ve really shown themselves up.

I will... this thread has really escalated and drawn some truly batshit takes - and some people have invented a lot of the story themselves... its like Chinese whispers

Covid is not the only thing that causes the spike protein to damage your organs. I appreciate people are banned for saying less. OP, consider the medical interventions in period prior to what you are noticing.

I totally feel your pain. My ex DH was like this.
A few examples.
We went away for weekends away with friends, separately, he dropped me off at a premier Inn in Manchester and went off to do his thing in Blackpool.

All good.

Comes to grabbing me on the way back home. He doesnt just pick the premier Inn in the sat nav list he dropped me off at. He just Googles it. And randomly picks one of the 5 at the time in Manchester and goes there. Doesn't even consider it looks nothing like where he left me.

Another time. Goes to tale the car for a service.
I call after an hour to see how its going because he was going off to look round town while he waited.
He's still driving around looking for the place to drop it off at, where we had been MANY times. He doesn't even consider calling me to check. Or googing it and using the sat nav.

Just drives around for an hour. Looking.

The address was on the car. On the window sticker thing.

Honestly. They are a few small things. I couldn't cope anymore.

Even now co parenting is horrific.
He forgets where to pick them up. Or what days he said he would do what.
Or even what he said to them when we were all together.

I have little advice. But I lost my patience.

No, TG. 😄

I know this sounds a bit silly but if he didn’t used to do that I wondered if if might be worth consulting a doctor? Some neurological conditions can make people do bizarre stuff.

I guess if he’s find at work that makes it less likely but it does seem odd.

I’m a neuro OT in a hospital and I would get him properly assessed by a doctor for potential acute neurological changes - tell them you’ve noticed cognitive changes particularly around executive functioning and changes in his expressive and receptive language skills.

I'll just leave this here

He’s not fine at work to the point his manager has suggested he take leave and the OP has already said they have an appointment at the doctor for tomorrow.

Hi@HeadacheEarthquake

How did the GP appointment go?