DH (33!) has no common sense

[HeadacheEarthquake]

Exhibit A - friend and I plan to have bbq last Sunday afternoon after a long theatre rehearsal 1hr away ending at 3pm. DH decides to light bbq and put expensive steaks I purchased on for 40 minutes as soon as we text to say we are on our way. We arrive to shrunken rubber meat biscuits.

B - Cat indoors for a week on meds. Cat has always disliked litter tray but used when needed. DH moves tray to middle of downstairs bathroom and cat boy kicks litter all over batbroom. Have asked him to clean it and it's been three days, with bathroom out of use for me and my clients as I refuse to sweep and change it if it is in the middle of the room as opposed to corner where it was. Have now at midnight had to do it as cleaner coming tomorrow and would not wish there to be doing Cat litter all over bathroom.

C- DH Made "salad" yesterday and gave me the tummy rots as tried to put "olive oil" on the salad like I do sometimes. Actually used Olivio which is vegetable oil with a dash of olive. Whole salad greasy covered in veg oil and inedible. Waste of money.

These are only a few small examples but he cannot see or think ahead and I cannot cope. Anyone else with me here with a well meaning but witless DH

Hi all .. just got round to coming on as it's been hectic.

DH was very defensive whilst making our list but one with GP seemed to go better as I think he realises how unusual things have been

Booked for bloods, urine and CT scan, initial neuro test ok but Dr uas asked for more as recent changes are a signal

DH surprised me by enquiring about SSRIs - he's got the prescription and is willing to get them

We've had a few teary talks about it all but seems the trust and love is working. He's booked a few days off and is struggling to "fill" them but I've strongly suggested he goes with the glow and tries a few movie days and just bumming around to try and counter the burnout symptoms.

Today he had a day off and just wandered around town book shopping whilst I sang at a funeral then we met for a leisurely lunch and he took nap and caught up on some games whilst I did my show... he seems to have embraced the process so I'm really hopeful

I will keep updated when any results form

Thanks by the way to all those who have given such great advice especially from those who have personal experience... you've kept me sane in my thoughts so I appreciate it hugely

Thanks so much for the update, and here's hoping that it is/was a meltdown which will melt up again given your TLC.

Hope things will improve soon, or at least you get some answers

You both did exactly the right thing. It could be so many causes. It's frightening waiting for results - but you're on the way to answers. He'll be scared now even if he isn't saying it, so encourage conversation out in the open. Sounds like rest and enjoyment is helpful. All the best for the scan and the outcomes

This is exactly how my husband is I couldn’t put my finger on it but gradual personality change subtle weird behaviors this has been going on for quite along time I couldn’t properly describe it and said as he had lost his intelligence anyway he recently complained he was having trouble following instruction manuals and thinking how to do stuff although I had already noticed & he’d just get stroppy if I mentioned anything he went to the doctors and he has small vessel & white matter disease now having tests for dementia which I always thought was just memory problems but it can affect cognitive abilities and behavior please get him checked out

Wow thankyou for sharing this. He's got bloods, urine and a ct so let's see what's going on and I just hope it's burnout

How are you going?

Dear OP,
I just wanted to come back to send you some virtual moral support and all my best wishes for you and DH. I’m so sorry you got so much abuse from posters who failed to respect you and your dh and the very complicated situation you are experiencing. I think you have been amazing with the speed with which you have moved from annoyance to action. I wish you both all the best. He is very lucky to have you.

@Weenurse @pikkumyy77
Hi thankyou so much for your lovely words

I probably did deserve a bit of a bash after my angry rant then drip feed, but the main thing is it's in hand - some of them made me laugh!

not a huge amount to update but things are a little easier now the ball is rolling. he's still messing up/forgetting/glitching but we are taking each occasion as it comes as to whether it's usual or worrying.

The blood test is booked for Monday along with the urine, so I imagine that will come back in around a week. Not sure how long we will be waiting for the invitation to the CT scan, but it's been ordered by the GP so when it comes that will be a relief.

He's doing well on the Citalopram, it's only been a week and its only 10mg, but no lairy side effects of note.

I think he's had a bit of a wakeup call as he seems to have booked quite a few lunches out with friends all of a sudden so i hope he will be doing some confiding in them too, and maybe get some outside perspectives.
.
I've got a quieter couple of months coming up now, so as he starts to figure out what's going on I can be around more and hopefully we can have lots more discussions around it all in a lower stress environment. I'm planning to take us somewhere nice soon for a little holiday, we have family all over the UK so we have a good choice of places to explore.

Re the Autism, Asperger's in family and all manner of ND, he is still refusing to acknowledge it in the slightest, saying he's DEFNITELY neurotypical and that's that. The only other resistance I'm getting is that if he is diagnosed with anything serious it will impact us financially. As you can imagine, I said I didn't bloody care because if it's anything that bad we need to know and sod the rest.

I'm hoping there's an answer soon, but not a devastating one IYKWIM! xx

Great attitude. Hugs, and here's hoping all will be well x

Hi HeadacheEarthquake,

It might take a while for the Citalopram to kick in. He might then decide that something suits him better.

Stick with it at the moment. I wish you both well. x

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things, you’ve handled this so brilliantly :) thinking of you both - I hope you get clear answers soon!

You have really moved fast and hopefully will have some answers soon. Please try to take care if yourself too while all this is going on. Book some lunches and friend time for yourself. This will be a marathon not a sprint.

Small update is tests back with high ALT and low phosphate so further tests to be had

Not sure when but hopefully very soon

Thank you for the update, OP. Fingers crossed for a swift resolution x

Thank you for the update and I hope the results lead to a diagnosis and treatment

No. Thankfully my DH is the most practical man I have ever come across. He is so competent in the house and with our cars, any appliance, garden, building projects, cooking or making things. I am opposite but I had a previous ex H who was a grossly impractical man child, so I've done my time. Would either visually explain why moving cat litter is a problem and tell him how to start rectifying. Executive functioning issues can cause this kind of badly though out half arsed jobs.

Does your husband take any other medication, take drugs or have a high alcohol intake.
Is he malnourished?
High ALT and Low phosphate can be a sign of malnutrition and that can cause some of the behaviours you describe.
High ALT can also be a sign of liver damage.
I hope you get some answers soon op.

Has he been drinking secretly?

Hello OP, I've only just come across your thread. I think you had some ridiculous responses, especially Oilgate. My DH has suffered some of these symptoms but he is much older than your DH. So I do sympathise and know how frustrating and just bloody annoying it can be. I wish you luck and hope you enjoy your break