DH (33!) has no common sense

[HeadacheEarthquake]

Exhibit A - friend and I plan to have bbq last Sunday afternoon after a long theatre rehearsal 1hr away ending at 3pm. DH decides to light bbq and put expensive steaks I purchased on for 40 minutes as soon as we text to say we are on our way. We arrive to shrunken rubber meat biscuits.

B - Cat indoors for a week on meds. Cat has always disliked litter tray but used when needed. DH moves tray to middle of downstairs bathroom and cat boy kicks litter all over batbroom. Have asked him to clean it and it's been three days, with bathroom out of use for me and my clients as I refuse to sweep and change it if it is in the middle of the room as opposed to corner where it was. Have now at midnight had to do it as cleaner coming tomorrow and would not wish there to be doing Cat litter all over bathroom.

C- DH Made "salad" yesterday and gave me the tummy rots as tried to put "olive oil" on the salad like I do sometimes. Actually used Olivio which is vegetable oil with a dash of olive. Whole salad greasy covered in veg oil and inedible. Waste of money.

These are only a few small examples but he cannot see or think ahead and I cannot cope. Anyone else with me here with a well meaning but witless DH

I'm sorry OP but that poster has cracked me up, going on and on and on. Thank fuck for that indeed.

Really glad he's going to the doctor. Tbh my DH had symptoms of forgetfulness and similar things before he had a breakdown in January. I was also getting exasperated (it's shit to live with as you have discovered) but that did drive him to go to the doctor who prescribed SSRIs and put him on the CBT list. He's also had some counselling through work. Things are much better now. Here's hoping the same outcome for you.

Thankyou so much Brio - he has been anti ssri/therapy but now that it's got to such a bad state maybe he will have to reconsider

I'm glad your DH is coming out of it too - and it makes things easier for you exponentially

Just ignore salad oil warrior. The rest of us get what you are talking about. So glad you are getting him to see the GP.

But there’s been massive drip feeds after that so let’s leave it.

Better drip feeds than vegetable oil drips on salad 🤮

If his boss suggests time off it must be more than forgetting a few things. Sometimes I tell members of my team to take the afternoon off but not time off. He is probably the same at work, if not worst, making loads of mistakes and being a burden to his colleagues.
this only should show you the situation is not to be taken lightly.
you need to be there at the GP, this is not a routine check and it needs to be prioritised.
it is way more important of a dress rehearsal or any important meeting you might have.
good luck!

My DH can be like this (but not the cat litter example - he'd clean that up straight away). I can't believe he's not burned the house down yet.
I've been with him for nearly 20 years, so I've managed to cope (and he's wonderful in other ways and brings a lot of joy to my life), although I occassionally want to pull my hair out.
People on MN are quick to say "strategic incompetence", but his whole family are like it - his parents and sister too. There's not a shred of common sense between them.
Whereas I'm from the most practical, logical family in the world and often sit back, watching them all, thinking 'What the actual fuck are they doing!'

Christ, re my post above...yet again a 'fun', lighthearted Mumsnet thread where you have to read the ENTIRE thread to avoid a massive drip feed that reveals that the subject of the thread may have serious health complications.

I think he needs to see a doctor - speech and language difficulties? On a lighter note I had to explicitly ask dh not to but the chops under the grill until dd3 got home from a school trip and not for her eta. They were delayed in the end by 4 hours but dinner was saved!

How old is he? This all sounds frighteningly like my FIL's dementure. 😬

OP you need to change your appt to go with him. He won’t be aware of all the things that have changed in the last year, so you need to be with him with a list for the doctor.

shrunken rubber meat biscuits

Pretty sure I saw them play at a club in south London in the eighties.

Ffs. OP none of these things actually sound concerning. People make mistakes, especially when they're a bit stressed. The behaviour you describe from your husband could have easily been me (high-functioning, neurotypical, educated to PhD level). Mumsnet is a nasty place, with all these comments calling him a moron and then suggesting something could be seriously wrong. Ugh.

‘He thinks he might have been hurting his head at his martial arts club ‘

🚩🚩🚩🚩

Good to read that he is going to the GP on Thursday.
Can you go in with him to give your observations?

If not, I suggest that you have a phone call with the GP to share your concerns & observations. It is worth front loading the diagnosis process with information so that any onward referrals are sooner rather than later. The GP can listen to your concerns & obviously not discuss or breach your DH’s patient confidentiality.

Ffs. OP none of these things actually sound concerning.

Seriously? New onset speech/language/reading/memory issues at 33 is not concerning?

Hi op,
Firstly, you have every sympathy. My oh can be like this at times. It's as if they're in another world and it's so frustrating. Generally it's when he's stressed or a bit depressed, which can be difficult to cope with when that's fairly often in a long term relationship.

Secondly, with regards to your dh speech/reading I would get his b12 levels checked. I can't absorb it, and when it drops low there are times I can barely form a sentence. I'd ask your Dr to run bloods and do some research on it.

Hope your day is cat litter free.

The muddling up words sounds very worrying OP! I'm not suggesting for one minute your DH is like my DF but he (72) kept muddling up words & stumbling v slightly when he walked & complaining of changes in his vision & it turned out he had a brain tumour 😪💔 & died 4 months after diagnosis. Make your Dh go to the doctors ASAP! even if it's stress causing these physical symptoms it needs checking out. Also is the cat not a family pet? I couldn't leave a litter tray like that for 3 days tbh. Though I agree if he created the issue he should be the one to clean it up. Good luck!

He needs to see the doc, OP.

He could be hyper stressed he could be neurodiverse but it could be something else.

It sounds like a departure from normal behaviour.

Good luck

Glad he's going to the GP, OP and I second the suggestion from a PP that you email the doctor with a factual account of some of the difficulties he's been having.

I've done this with clients whose MH appeared to be deteriorating and the GP will find it helpful.

Fingers crossed it's just a stress thing (I was once having such an awful lot of shit going on in my life I could barely remember my own name).

It must be very worrying and stressful for you.

Taking on a different perspective here. It sounds like there are some irritating events recently, however in the bigger picture - do these matter? (If he’s trying that is). My first concern would be if this has changed recently, it signifies something has changed health wise. It may be:

• emerging neurodiversity (masked previously?)
• mental health issues
• early signs of a muscular disease that affects the brain etc.

what concerned me is the change in speech and language. I’m no dr but I would say he needs to see a dr.

i would look at the above before necessary assuming it is deliberate. Also talk to him about these issues and ask how can you help. It sounds also you are stressed and need some time to look after yourself - could you get some time away to just pamper yourself?
hope you get to the bottom of this

Salad oil warrior 😂😂😂

Hope he’s alright, OP.

Re the overcooked steaks-a stupid thing to do. It must have been as annoying as it was embarrassing for you. If he cooks frequently he must know that that was the wrong thing to do. What was his explanation?
The cat litter tray; he probably just thought he was helping the cat, no more, no less.
And the Olivio - I kind of understand how he got that wrong but if he cooks frequently he should know.
I wonder if he has some sort of adult ADD? Does he start things and have trouble finishing them? Is he hyper?
If i were you i would keep a note of all these thoughtless things he does and also start producing lists and try to direct/organise his as best you can.

My oh had concussion for over a year due to walking into the patio door last Summer. Went for an MRI and had very much the same symptoms as your oh. Couldn't read, couldn't concentrate words muddled impaired motor function. He is just coming out of it now but it was very frustrating for him. Read about concussion, its not just a headache.

Has he had covid recently? Covid really, really messed with my husbands ability to think/remember/form coherent sentences. He had about 6 months off work and had to change careers to something less demanding when he went back. It's been 18 months and he's nearly back to normal, but not entirely.
Regardless, I'm really glad your hubby is going to see the dr and I hope it turns out to be something treatable and not too serious!

I have one of these husbands, he has ADD, the inattentive type.

Oh come on, you can totally eat salad with vegetable oil

other than that, why did you marry him?