DH (33!) has no common sense

[HeadacheEarthquake]

Exhibit A - friend and I plan to have bbq last Sunday afternoon after a long theatre rehearsal 1hr away ending at 3pm. DH decides to light bbq and put expensive steaks I purchased on for 40 minutes as soon as we text to say we are on our way. We arrive to shrunken rubber meat biscuits.

B - Cat indoors for a week on meds. Cat has always disliked litter tray but used when needed. DH moves tray to middle of downstairs bathroom and cat boy kicks litter all over batbroom. Have asked him to clean it and it's been three days, with bathroom out of use for me and my clients as I refuse to sweep and change it if it is in the middle of the room as opposed to corner where it was. Have now at midnight had to do it as cleaner coming tomorrow and would not wish there to be doing Cat litter all over bathroom.

C- DH Made "salad" yesterday and gave me the tummy rots as tried to put "olive oil" on the salad like I do sometimes. Actually used Olivio which is vegetable oil with a dash of olive. Whole salad greasy covered in veg oil and inedible. Waste of money.

These are only a few small examples but he cannot see or think ahead and I cannot cope. Anyone else with me here with a well meaning but witless DH

Oh come on Op. Your DH clearly needs to seek medical help and you are mithering on Mumsnet about his stupidity?

Bloody hell.

OP, please get him tested for MS ASAP.

Struggling with reading and writing is a big red flag. He needs to see his GP asap.

Recent changes, deterioration in basic skills, possible head injuries = see a doctor.

Sorry that should have said speech and reading, but the same concern applies.

OP I can’t believe you’ve come on here for a bitch fest about him, which you knew would happen since it’s MN, and then drip fed that! He obviously needs to see a GP, I can’t believe you’ve done this instead of expressing concern.

imagine if it was the other way round.

Surely if he's just now struggling with speech and reading he should be looked at?

Autism and Asperger's doesn't suddenly appear so unless he was heavily masking those issues there's something else going on, maybe?

Please insist he see's a doctor and go in with him.

How old is he? If he’d always been like this, it would be different but since you say it’s only in the last year and he is now having difficulty reading and writing, I think you need to get him to a doctor now since it sounds like whatever it is is getting worse.

Reading your updates I would say there are two separate things going on.

Kitty tray thing needs to be addressed when calm, ask him why he moved it, but more importantly why he didn't clean up the mess afterwards. Dont let him wiggle out with I dunno.

Reading and speech problems - GP asap, it could be a mini stroke/seizure.

Actually if he was a woman we would all be saying its menopause and see a GP. Does loss of testosterone give similar symptoms? If so, does he have other prostate problems?

Is anyone else thinking brain tumour?

As one of the possibilites, yes.

He needs medical attention OP, sorry.

To those flaming me - yes I know. I was angry yesterday as I've been carrying it all and this was a bit 'last straw'

I will be waiting for him to get home, he's insisting on going to his club this eve, but I'll be making a list of reasons he needs to be checked.

I have been on at him for months, don't get me wrong, about his mood and forgetfulness.

He can also be really moody and argumentative so it's hard to see what's just him and what's ND or possible illness.

I am suitably worried about brain issues, MS, micro strokes, Tumours and everything else mentioned... thanks to those who have been kind and sorry for drip feeding

Only 33. He's always been a little bit daft now and then but it's suddenly dreadful

Autism symptoms can become more pronounced whenever the individual is under severe stress - in case of this man: bereavement, ill mother, legal issues etc

However, I am inclined to agree that medical attention, a few scans would be beneficial.

Yes he could have issues with speech/reading that have got worse due to stress…. However it could be something much more serious.

Please get him checked and let us know.

It might be ultimation time if he keeps refusing to see his GP. Tell him he is unbearable to live with so unless he gets medical advice he needs to leave. Do you think that might make him realise you are serious?

I've had to make ultimatums twice in our 10 year relationship (once for him to address his MH and once to accept the truth about a vindictive ex-friends antics) and yes they have worked - and I think this will be the third because I can't spend the next 40 odd years like this. Medical check ASAP and if all is clear then he needs to shape up.

It's as a PP said "thinking things through" that has stopped happening amongst other things.

I will of course update x

Appointment with the doctor asap to see the big picture. This might be the tip of a ( hopefully not ) bigger iceberg

As there is a history of ND that was my first thought with stress exacerbating his symptoms but with the recent history of speech problems I would be concerned about a TIA
Martial arts would likely increase the risk of a knock to the head

Red flags to me as a nurse...this is a generally sudden onset (Aka he didn't used to be like this)
That he is struggling with speaking and reading.
That he does martial arts and has had possible head injuries.

The bizarre behaviour with the steaks etc he needs to see a doctors.
My husband is the same age and just started to have seizures (out of the blue) and now he has a benign brain tumour.

His judgement is impaired so you are going to have to make a Dr appointment for him. It can't be left up to him to handle it if he's not thinking clearly.

I wouldn't be with someone who said 'tummy rots' so I'm on his side, sorry.

He has made an appointment for next Thurs 🤞

Thinking of you and your DH! Good work on getting him to take this seriously and going to the doctor. I hope you get a good report and this is all due to stress but whatever the outcome better to know what you are dealing with than not.