To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

[raisinglittleones]

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

OP says ‘the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years’. How is that not a random man 😄 Very random if you ask me.

I'm with you OP. We did the Oh Crap method at 22 months with my DS. It took a weekend of staying in with him bottomless and after that it was smooth sailing. It was hardly a military operation! Sure, it took a whole weekend but I think it was a fair price to pay.

Frankly, I didn't want to be changing my DS's nappies at 3 years old.

I followed this method with my 3 year old who had refused traditional methods of toilet training, I didn't leave the house all weekend and no visitors. It worked for us. Could you instead pop in to see this man while your partner watches the kids at bedtime as an option instead?

You’re not being unreasonable for not wanting someone you barely know anymore to see your kids naked. But your inflexibility doesn’t fare well for how much flexibility kids need when putting training! I’d just stick some pants on them for an hour. Your call.

I am not that old.. I have a child in KS1 😂
It's not common to be home, but it's even less common to "take time off for potty training". It's hard enough to have enough time off for school holidays 😂

The whole lot of you are going to have a breakdown within hours if you’re booking time off work, staying inside and not seeing people and putting so much pressure on this quick fix potty training method. People have managed to potty train since the year dot without doing this. You might call it being organised, most people would call it being mental.

God that sounds stressful and pressured.

I had a friend who did something similar with her little girl.

The child ran around unclothed on her lower half for several weeks, weed and poo on the floor at random interval and took weeks to train.

By the end of it I think her husband, who was not onboard with this method and was sick of poo on the carpet, was ready to leave home.

You are 100% right. I wouldn't want a random person round whilst potty training. I wouldn't want to be around a naked child (that wasn't mine) whilst they were being potty trained either.

I did have a little giggle at the "apologies to those I've offended by being organised". No-one is offended by you being organised, as I think you know, more a bit amused at your rather over the top approach to this. But it's entirely your decision as to who you see or don't see of a weekend, or how you potty train your own child. If you don't want him to visit then just say no.

Blocked it out on the calendar 🤣 oh christ! I have 3 kids, my youngest is a early 2021 baby, I think we'll probably potty train over summer, it'll involved plonking him on a potty at timed intervals initially and then we'll lengthen that until he takes himself to the potty. We'll have a few pottys dotted around and probably try to play in the garden lots around then. We aren't under house arrest though or rejecting all contact with the outside world! I assume this is your first child, pretty sure you'll laugh at this when you train your second child.

Batshit crazy. Put some pants on him for 30min and give your head a wobble. I can't believe how up themselves some people are.

Are you doing Oh Crap? I hate that book; it makes out like if you deviate from their method even a tiny bit you’re destroying your child’s life chances. This isn’t even remotely a big deal, don’t make life so difficult for yourself.

I massively disagree with majority of posters on here! They sound like they took ages to potty train. It sounds like you're doing the Oh Crap intensive method which we did, and which REQUIRES you to block out the diary ENTIRELY and fully focus on the child at all times, who will be naked from the waist down. You only go out during Block 3, which may or may not be the 3rd day or not depending on how they get on.

Of course having strangers round might impact on the child! They are learning a new skill and potentially feeling anxious.

So no you are NOT being precious especially given that this isn't even a close relative.

(Btw this method worked amazingly for us and we had potty training done and dusted in 3 days, so it was well worth the commitment).

You are being ridiculous!

This is what I love MN for.

I’m 100% with @copenhagen84.

i didn’t have time or bandwidth to have my kid shitting himself for months on end so I turned to an expert (Oh crap potty training) and nailed it sharpish.

YANBU, OP.

@MyFaceIsAnAONB isn't everyone a child ever meets a stranger then??!

I think OP is making a huge drama over potty training and having someone over. I just don't get it at all.

I'm with you on this OP. One of my children potty trained in a similar way at full-time nursery over a few days and it worked really well - then extended it to home really easily. Others, including me with other children, do it differently over a longer period - there's no right or wrong and I am sure if you child is one who just doesn't 'get it' at this age, you'll modify your approach.

There is no good reason at all for your mother to be dictating who you will or won't have over, whatever you are doing, and in this case with a bare acquaintance, it's very unreasonable of her. It would be more reasonable a request for an actual relative who lives far away and is coming for a rare trip, but then you'd be making your own decision on that different question and maybe not even posting about it.

Yes Oh Crap is just one method, and fair enough if a different method was better for you and DC, but I don’t think there’s anything shocking, weird or ridiculous about wanting to follow a very well known method and best selling book. It’s a perfectly normal thing to do!

Tbh I wouldn’t want a visitor at a time when I might also be picking up a rogue poo from the floor, it’s not wildly unreasonable to just want to get on with a potentially messy plan without also hosting and providing biscuits and engaging in tedious “do you remember when” chat.

FWIW DD more or less potty-trained herself over 2-3 days, zero visitors as Covid. We’d had potties around the house for her to get comfortable with, then one day she announced that was what she did now, took off the nappy and did it. Went cold turkey, stayed in til no accidents 2-3 days later, then went out. It wasn’t a big deal – but until you do it, it feels like a big deal and I think the mocking posters are being unkind.

For all this arguing, I really think it depends on the child. Some will respond really well to the immediate structure and focus, some won’t. My son absolutely did not, he started holding his wee feeling pressured to do it, but six months later he was dry basically overnight (quite literally, as he now wakes up dry too). So we had tried a day of quite intense training at home but sensing he was feeling pressured immediately eased up, although they continued at nursery (which is why he started holding). If he was a child who responded well to the intense focus that the oh crap method encourages then he’d have been potty trained six months ago. All in all, no big deal as long as the parent is listening to and responding to the child’s needs.

Yep I agree with this, having clothes on is important as they have to work out they need to pull their clothes down, if they can't get their pants down they can't actually take themselves, so aren't ready. Early on they also need to realise that peeing your pants = wet pants which is unpleasant. If they are bottomless they'll just pee anywhere and carry on their merry way.

TBF I also agree with @batsandeggs: a major reason the method worked for our son was the fact that he is a very particular person and doesn’t like being wet or messy and the Oh crap method worked well with him.

i was shocked, TBH, as he is also a kamikaze type moving at 100 miles an hour always - but children have an amazing capacity to surprise!

Should have added, why we all in such a tizz over how a parent chooses how to help their kid learn how to shit.