To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

[raisinglittleones]

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

Blocked time off in the calendar 😂
Big change?
Task in hand?

Christ, it sounds like you're taking a degree exam. Chill out.

If you're this precious about it, it'll rub off on your child.

Give it a go, if he's not ready try again in a few months. No need to block time off and shut the world out because a child is learning to use the toilet. Jeeeeez.

YANBU

Why would he 'love to see' you and your kids? Or is it more that your mum wants to be the proud nana showing off her grandbabies to her friend? Either way, he is HER friend and is a stranger to you. I definitely wouldn't have anyone round while the kids are running around nude.

I don't understand why it isn't as simple as:
Can we come over on the weekend?
No, sorry, it's not convenient this week.
Oh, that's a shame, never mind.

No "method" is going to work if your child isn't ready. I don't think I've heard anything so batshit.

Do any other older MNers think that parenting seems to get more complex each year ?

Like many old people he's wanting to reconnect with his past as he's missing his wife and all their history seeing op and her kids is reassuring life goes on especially if you don't see your own family or have any. My dad took to driving around with my sister to all the places he lived with my mum talking about stuff it's a grief thing. Not everyone is a pervert

I must be a terrible mum. I didn’t plan ahead. It would never have occurred to me to put my normal life on hold at this point. I just got on with it. Took DD to the loo when appropriate etc and always had spare clothing in case of accidents. Friends coming round? Great. Just excused myself when it was needed.

Ya definitely would t have a man this comes across like ya wouldn't mind if it was a woman? What cause he has a cock he's a predator?

You know what, it's your life...
You don't have to put yourself and child on parade for mums old friend to make her happy, particularly when you have plans...
But of course if you keep mum happy no doubt she'll be more accommodating when you need her....
My mum would totally be butthurt about this (thank god I didn't have kids!)
...
How about she just says to the friend you're away that weekend then she won't have to deal with the social awkwardness of saying he's not welcome.
And maybe be clear to her that your friends aren't welcome either, it's not personal... It's time you've set aside to follow a method and you're following it correctly to achieve success.

It is an industry for some reason parents don't trust their children or themselves anymore they need to buy a book or an app. You shouldn't have to watch over lo if they are ready because they already stay dry for over an hour if not two if they can't they are not physically ready.

This is entirely up to you. It can be stressful for some parents/carers and it's your first time. You do what you feel you are going to be comfortable with so that you can keep your energy right for this to go well. Smalls are like dogs and cats they can feel our anxiety or tension and this needs to be calm not fraught for best outcomes.

Potty train another weekend!

I have 4 children and thankfully didn't have any issues and with the 4 of them only one or two accidents altogether - and even then only wees. It is a bit nerve wracking with the first one, especially if you haven't had young children in your family eg younger siblings or nieces or nephews but the industry has made a normal process into a military operation. If the child isn't ready, however much military planning, it won't happen and they will become stressed.

I used to put pull ups over their big boy/ girl pants ( pull ups are expensive) if we were going to friends, out for the day or staying at someone else's house. They very rarely wet them and I could then reuse them.

Exactly we accept children follow a broad pattern but their own pace in everything else but potty training is full of pressure to do it by birthday not readiness...I've had several do it themselves no accidents all the ones showing the signs have been days all fully clothed and going about normal life after 1 day at home. Never paid anything to make someone rich from what you can get plenty of good advice from the NHS or Eric websites free.

Unless there's additional needs i doubt your 2020 baby will have many problems and will just be frequently going to the loo. I potty trained my 2021 baby a couple of months ago and it was just a case of frequently asking if she needed the loo and taking her. For neither of my two its not been some huge deal and not letting someone pop over would be a huge reaction in my opinion. Especially of he's had kids. I've seen parents potty training whip out potties at the park and all sorts you can't just stop life.

Another one who thinks the forum is an academic endeavour....no one needs to rtft. If you want to great! Did I? Don't recall now. But attacking posters with snippy remarks is wholly unproductive. Unless your goal here is to bring women down? 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think there’s any issue with wanting to block a few days out to focus on it. I had to plan time off work otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to keep things consistent for the first few days.

Fair enough not wanting someone round when your DC will likely be going about half naked.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable OP.

If you can't be arsed to RTFT then you just make yourself look silly by posting stuff, especially going around tagging people. You don't need me to bring you down, you did it yourself 🤣

Brilliant reply. Wah wah waaah. 😭

A few hours isn’t going to change the potty training journey. You’ll realise once your child is potty trained that it’s not as full on as you think it is

I personally wouldn’t book annual leave for it either. I found my daughter learnt quickly because she was learning at nursery too, learning from her peers (not sure if your child goes nursery). I’d save annual leave for fun days out etc.

Ah, sorry. I didn't want to come across as if I was boasting about my wonderful potty training skills, which I never had. Thanks for letting me know.

What is this big potty training thing u have going on? Is it timed tasks u have planned? Do u run about with a whistle and treat it like a military exercise?
All that's involved is asking if they need the toilet, taking child to toilet regularly and giving lots of praise when they use said toilet.

Your overreacting

Yes, everything now seems to be a drama.

I doubt you’re checking these replies anymore OP, but for what it’s worth, you are doing everything absolutely right.

I’m a parent too, but I also have a Masters in Child Development and have worked with very young children at all ages and stages of development for many, many years, and potty training is a learned skill. Yes, there is developmental readiness but if you don’t teach it they will not learn.

And contrary to the mass incorrect comments here, there absolutely is a window of readiness that, if you miss it, leads to a much longer and more difficult and distressing toileting journey for everyone. It’s much more difficult to toilet train a 4 year old than a 2 year old in their window of readiness.

For those bragging they didn’t take any time off work, I’m assuming the people caring for your child were dealing with the accidents? Because there is no way your children were fully potty trained in 48 hours. Just because OP wants to be there to support her child and has planned ahead doesn’t make her precious or controlling.

FWIW, what you’re doing is exactly what I advise parents to do, OP. You sound like a great mum.

Regarding visiting, it’s actually very good experience for your child to have pants on, and also wet them. Teaches them to feel discomfort! I’d advise arranging a quick hour a couple of days into training. It’ll be fine!

good luck OP!