To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

[raisinglittleones]

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

I don’t understand MN sometimes.

In some threads strange men can’t even look at your child without it being a big red flag. In other threads a strange man coming round when your DC could be naked is fine and if you don’t like it you’re being precious. And with potty training there is a LOT of nakedness IME.

Its almost like some posters just want to stick the boot into an OP no matter what 🧐

Also OP’s mum emotionally blackmailing OP to let some random man have access to her DC is a sign that her mum isn’t a very good judge of character and puts the feelings of some bloke before the comfort of her DD and DGC. I don’t think in this situation OP should be appeasing her.

I wouldn't have a stranger in my house if my wee one is likely to be running around with no underwear or going potty in the living room personally. But if it's for an hour and your wee one can go somewhere private for potty then I think that would be fine.

We did the same and started with the potty in the living room, would read a book when they were on the potty etc. Much easier, and I wouldn’t have appreciated guests especially with another toddler in tow.

OP you aren’t being as ridiculous as all the PPs suggest. If you are trying for one of the intensive “oh crap” type methods, you are told to stay at home and break the back of it in a couple of days, probably in the garden with a bare bum, so I can see why inviting anyone round feels a bit intense.

That said, I’m sure your partner could have the older one for an hour or two whilst the visit happens so no need to avoid.

You might also like to read the advice from ERIC (charity) which is much gentler and more gradual that oh crap, and evidence based. Whilst I think the appeal of oh crap is that you have an awful weekend but then it’s “done”, that wasn’t our experience. Our child got the hang of wees right away but poo took a while and we found oh crap just too much pressure - accepting it was gradual learning rather than a big bang was much better for our collective sanity.

Yes also OP may have taken time off work. I certainly did!

100%

You need to chill, you really do. You are going to stress out your child, and it's the last thing you want when you are potty training.

Potty training doesn't work on a calendar, it works when kids are ready 😂.
Ignore the competition about the earlier anyone has ever been potty trained, not only a child who is not ready will end up with multiple accidents and not be dry at night, but by the time they start Y1, or KS2 at the latest, no one cares. No one will even remember 😂

Exactly! I did 3 days of them running around naked, watching them like a hawk and DONE. So I think it does need your full attention so no not going out, not wearing clothes on the bottom half and spending the whole weekend absorbed in it. Definitely not entertaining visitors who you aren’t even friends with yourself. That doesn’t make you nuts at all, it’s a sensible commitment to potty training and blocking out the diary is exactly what the Oh Crap lady tells you to do, and people usually fall over themselves to recommend that approach on here so I’m surprised by a lot of the responses OP has received. Maybe it’s the talk of the 2020 baby stuff? That does sound a bit precious when you could just say 2.5 year old or 3 year old.

Potty training doesn't work on a calendar, it works when kids are ready

What makes you think the OP’s child isn’t ready?

My DC potty training had to work to a calendar because I took time off work to do it.

We’ve just started potty training and I booked some days off work for the purpose - so yes it has to be scheduled in.

No I wouldn’t want visitors (except very familiar ones) in the first few days. DS was running around with no pants on and shat on the floor.

Also when they need to use the potty they need to use it straight away, you can’t take them into another room. So I think it would be quite odd if you’re telling your toddler that everything’s okay and they can relax and wee on the potty while a strange man is sitting there.

And that’s not to mention that the visitor might feel uncomfortable of course.

Day 3/4 onwards would be okay as child should be wearing clothes by then.

Yes it’s definitely doable in 3 days, and if that means offending some random bloke then so be it. I didn’t have the time to string the arse out of potty training my kids.

Potty training doesn't work on a calendar, it works when kids are ready 😂.

So you just wake up one day and know that today is the day?

Ridiculous. You have a general idea that they are ready and then you book time off work or make sure you don’t need to go out much for a few days.

either the child is ready, so a visitor for an hour is a non-issue

or the child isn't, hence the drama from posters about leaving a child naked, "looking for signs", doing potty in the living room, or the ridiculous extend they go with a child that is not ready.

that's what I said, it's not a date fixed by you on your calendar...

I didn't take time off work for potty training, who got time for that 😂😂
Never had an issue with any child, ready and dry day and night by the time they started reception.

People are being so harsh! I agree completely with the OP! If your kid is at all shy / nervous around strangers and you’re asking them to be naked and do a completely new thing with a stranger in the house?! I’ve potty trained twice and my second would wee so infrequently if you missed one then it would be another 6 hours before you’d get another chance - was so frustrating and made learning slow! My other wee-d every hour or so so cracked it much quicker as he had many more accidents to learn from!

op you’re not being unreasonable and unfortunately for any parents who do work of course you need to block it out so you can have a weekend at home rather than letting your kid run naked around the shops!

Maybe little Ptolemy one day said “Dear mama, one is ready for the training of the ablutions. Tell Jeeves to fetch the potty!”

If so I’m a bit worried, my kids didn’t tell me when they were ready. I must have thick, common ones.

Wow ok - obviously didn't add enough info.

To clarify I'm planning to follow the oh crap method and having him run around naked from the waist down at home for the first couple days. I have also booked time off work, apologies to everyone I've offended for being organised.

Thanks to those who have provided constructive feedback.

I'm super impressed that some kids one day were just ready and then from that point on just told someone they needed to use the bathroom and off they went. That hasn't been my experience. I wouldn't have a visitor in my house if I was potty training. Similarly I wouldn't fancy visiting someone i didn't know very well if there was a strong likelihood of me seeing a potty in use or accidents. The same goes for puppy training.

Are you suggesting if the child is ready then potty training is a doddle without a plan or routine and/or they’ll just train themselves on the loo immediately? And any planning such as <gasps> having a potty nearby is dramatic?

One of the most bizarre things I’ve read on here.

Children need to be shown how to use the toilet.

So how did you know when your child was ‘ready’? Do they have a built in sensor?

And he’s yoy can fix a date in the calendar. If your child is ready at age 3 and 1 month old it’s not like there’s a window where you must train them or they’ll forever be incontinent. They’ll still be ready at age 3 years and 2 months. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 (laughing faces because going by the trend of this thread we have to put laughing faces on things that aren’t funny).

By 'ready' people mean 'ready to learn'.

Ready to learn is very different from 'ready to get it straight away'. By that logic 17 year olds should wake up on their birthday with the ability to navigate Spaghetti Juction...

yanbu OP, we've just had a week of bare bums while potty training my August 2020 DD, she's beginning to crack it now but there's been a fair amount of poo, piss and nakedness and I wouldn't fancy doing that with anyone except close friends/family visiting!

Sorry that was to @itshotontheplayground

I think you're being totally ridiculous. Put some trousers on him 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I've potty trained my 3 DC when they reached 3 and they had no issues pulling their trousers and pants up and down!!

I’m not familiar with the Oh Crap method but you’re doing the right thing for you - the fact that it’s actively upsetting random MNers is neither here nor there. We did an intensive 3 day training with a strict routine and regular tasks like reading done on the potty when both kids were 2.5. Two very different children both nailed it - except for one instance when DD curled one out on the floor and I didn’t realised and blamed the dog 🤣

I'd warn him that DS might drop a turd on his foot, but for an hour or so I don't think it's a big deal.