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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

435 replies

raisinglittleones · 21/06/2023 13:59

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

OP posts:
Piglet89 · 21/06/2023 15:14

LOL @batsandeggs !

copenhagen84 · 21/06/2023 15:15

batsandeggs · 21/06/2023 15:00

You’re not being unreasonable for not wanting someone you barely know anymore to see your kids naked. But your inflexibility doesn’t fare well for how much flexibility kids need when putting training! I’d just stick some pants on them for an hour. Your call.

@batsandeggs the Oh Crap method the OP is using specifies no trousers until the child has complete re the first stage of learning, otherwise it fucks up the process completely. She's following a method which if done properly means they'll have potty training nailed in a weekend. Why would she want to mess all that up just to appease a stranger and her emotionally blackmailing mother!

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 15:17

gettingoldisshit · 21/06/2023 14:41

@LifeIsPainHighness mine never used a potty either 🤷‍♀️! Just a kids loo seat with a step and shown how to use it!

Yes but the key is you showed them how to use it - I like claims on here where people reckon their kids just took themselves off one day

PonkyPonky · 21/06/2023 15:17

I did the 3 day method and it was very intense. For the first day or 2, you literally cannot leave them unattended for a second, you have to catch every wee for it to work quickly. I probably wouldn’t want a visitor either but if I were you, I would make an effort to pop round and see the visitor at your mums and leave your partner with the potty training for a bit

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:18

How does this method work when you go out? I've never heard of it. Assume they wear clothes then

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 15:18

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 14:42

@LifeIsPainHighness actually I did this. Put a potty up and downstairs. Took their nappies off and explained it, let them pick some new pants and bought a few books about it for them. They had accidents but never made a big deal about it. Really wasn't a big drama.

So you did show them how to use it then? This is basically what most people do

Xmasbaby11 · 21/06/2023 15:20

It wouldn’t bother me. I don’t see the need to stay home anyway - I just carried on going out as normal with my two and certainly didn’t have them going round the house with no pants on. But if that’s your plan then I can understand you not wanting visitors.

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:20

@LifeIsPainHighness well they'd already seen my use it so there wasn't much explaining to do. Two of them had seen their brother/s use it too.

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:20

Me*

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 15:21

Purplepeaches123 · 21/06/2023 14:45

No you don’t need a potty at all. Kids learn by example. They see you going to the toilet and they pick it up.

Show quote history

I didn’t say you needed a potty to pott/toilet train?

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 15:22

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 14:50

@LifeIsPainHighness but how do kids ever meet anyone new? Plus he doesn't exactly sound like a random man to OP 🤷‍♀️

She hasn’t clapped eyes on him in 10 years.

They meet people through people I know and trust, through nursery/school/playgroup.

If the only way your kid ever meets someone new is random men being brought to the house I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself

Beseen22 · 21/06/2023 15:24

It's interesting that there's people saying oh crap is amazing, my child was trained in 3 days and others saying oh crap is nonsense I waited until my child was ready and no more accidents after day 3. Its just one of those parenting decisions that it really doesn't matter what you do, the end result is the same and there's no better or worse way. I couldn't find any evidence base to support the whole pants off thing and prefer the urine to be caught in shorts and my youngest found me staring at him all day far too intense and got to the stage he refused to go near the toilet. So we went gentle with shorts and his peppa pants and no pressure and he cracked it in days and then dry at night a week or so later.

All by the by really, if you have to fit in being off work and want to give the theory a good try and it works for your family then go for it. Just say it doesn't work for you to have visitors. Or have him for a visit at 10 on Sat and then bare bum time from 11am?

Hidinginaonesie · 21/06/2023 15:24

The way you’ve worded your op makes it seem like having children needs to be as regimented as a military operation. With your 2020 and 2021 babies…….who uses that language?! Relax. Have guests and visitors. Enjoy this time. Don’t upset your mum. Life doesn’t need to be so complicated. I hope it all goes well.

Diddykong · 21/06/2023 15:25

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:18

How does this method work when you go out? I've never heard of it. Assume they wear clothes then

It doesn't. We tried it but then realized that as working parents who want to leave the house at the weekend it wasn't possible. And actually wed waited until 3 and my DS was adamant that pants were the big thing and the entire point of potty training. He screamed and cried until we relented and gave him a pair of pants at which point he was fully on board.

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:25

@LifeIsPainHighness I'll have a long look at myself tonight 🤣🤣 thanks x

thebloodycatwontstopmeowing · 21/06/2023 15:26

@Diddykong it sounds like such hard work

AffIt · 21/06/2023 15:28

HundredMilesAnHour · 21/06/2023 14:02

Is this actually a serious question?! You're potty training, not sending a man to the moon. YABVVVU.

😂😂😂

ShouldIStaySelfIsolated · 21/06/2023 15:28

FlounderingFruitcake · 21/06/2023 14:35

Ready = ready to learn IMO

Do people really have children that just go from nappies to taking themselves to the loo and managing holding it on outings one day to the next? Mine didn’t! Day 1 watch them like a hawk, chuck them onto the potty whenever something starts happening. Day 2 they start initiating but with very little warning so need the potty close. Day 3 get a bit better at holding it. Day 4 normal business resumes. No big deal or drama.

Mine did... as soon as they decided they were ready, they just were 🤷‍♀️ MIL tried to push us earlier with both children. Tried and failed. Then the bith just woke uo one day and asked for big kid pants and that was that. Sounds the same as @Mummyoflittledragon experience

Geo42 · 21/06/2023 15:29

You are making a big thing out of a very normal event, relax !

ActDottie · 21/06/2023 15:30

Lol

Monster80 · 21/06/2023 15:31

Overreaction. A visit will be a nice distraction from wiping wee and poo off your floors/carpets/soft upholstery/curtains/walls…

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 15:31

LookWhosInsideAgain · 21/06/2023 15:02

The whole lot of you are going to have a breakdown within hours if you’re booking time off work, staying inside and not seeing people and putting so much pressure on this quick fix potty training method. People have managed to potty train since the year dot without doing this. You might call it being organised, most people would call it being mental.

But if it gets the job done in 3 days what does it matter?

ActDottie · 21/06/2023 15:31

raisinglittleones · 21/06/2023 14:22

Wow ok - obviously didn't add enough info.

To clarify I'm planning to follow the oh crap method and having him run around naked from the waist down at home for the first couple days. I have also booked time off work, apologies to everyone I've offended for being organised.

Thanks to those who have provided constructive feedback.

You literally asked if you were over reacting and people said you were and then you didn’t like it others didn’t agree with you.

Buttermere12 · 21/06/2023 15:31

If the dad of a good child friend wanted to see me I'd definitely make time for that. For a more random person, maybe, out of a favour to my mum.

Are you worried about your child being naked in front of this man? In that case just put clothes on him for that hour and if he wees or poos clean him and the clothes up. I don't think it will make.potty training more confusing or difficult for him but it's just a bit more work for you and I'm sure your mum and friend won't mind if you need to remove yourself to either clean up or to help your child on the pottY (or shouldn't mind. If they would mind then you aren't so unreasonable to want them to come over).

If it's because you just want to focus on potty training don't do that. I mean don't make it your sole focus as that sounds too stressful both for you and DC. A bit of a break might be helpful.

LifeIsPainHighness · 21/06/2023 15:32

pigsDOfly · 21/06/2023 15:02

God that sounds stressful and pressured.

I had a friend who did something similar with her little girl.

The child ran around unclothed on her lower half for several weeks, weed and poo on the floor at random interval and took weeks to train.

By the end of it I think her husband, who was not onboard with this method and was sick of poo on the carpet, was ready to leave home.

Maybe poor husband should have taken the lead on potty training then rather than leaving it to his wife and moaning about her decisions