To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

[raisinglittleones]

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

Yeah sure they just started taking themselves off to the loo and trained themselves 😂

Oh wow, erm, yes you're being a bit OTT to say the very least

Ridiculous - you don’t just plonk a potty in the bathroom and ta-dah kids just know what to use it for and how and they’re magically potty trained.

Your mum's unreasonable here.

@LifeIsPainHighness mine never used a potty either 🤷‍♀️! Just a kids loo seat with a step and shown how to use it!

exactly.

It just put too much pressure on parents and children, it's so unnecessary.
I had never heard of parents having to take time off from work to potty train their child until I went on MN.

You are only potty training !

@LifeIsPainHighness actually I did this. Put a potty up and downstairs. Took their nappies off and explained it, let them pick some new pants and bought a few books about it for them. They had accidents but never made a big deal about it. Really wasn't a big drama.

You are REALLY overreacting and being so ridiculous that I can’t actually find words that adequately sum up how ridiculous you are being.

Yeah, you're being silly. It's not something most children learn in a weekend anyway, trousers on or not.

It’s not something I’d lie about! My daughter asked one day if she could have knickers. She was 3, she was dry from that day. All I did was ask her in the day if she needed the toilet. My son is a year younger and was already using the toilet every now and then like at bath time. He had one accident on day two when we did the school run. He was 3 1/2. You don’t need to train a child to use the toilet. They learn from watching others

My daughter actually did potty train herself! She just copied her older sibling.

No you don’t need a potty at all. Kids learn by example. They see you going to the toilet and they pick it up.

Personally, I waited til mine said "Don't want to wear a nappy". I said "Fine, go for it" and there we were. No accidents ever in the house. A couple when we were out. But basically that was it. You have to hold your nerve a bit with the "Isn't that child trained yet?" brigade, but apart from that...

My DD wasn’t dry in the day, or at night, for years.

She lacked the nighttime hormone, so had to take that until she was 13 (Desmopressin)

In the day, her bladder to kidney tubes were too short, and she had little warning and ended up with various UTI … so she ended up on meds for that (Oxybutinin)

so … you may be ready .. but life can sometimes throw a curve ball

Well no it’s still a stranger in the house even when your kid has pants on.

TBH on a normal day I wouldn’t want random men coming round to my house to meet my children - especially just to appease an emotionally blackmailing mother

@LifeIsPainHighness but how do kids ever meet anyone new? Plus he doesn't exactly sound like a random man to OP 🤷‍♀️

You're overthinking potty training

It’s as big an issue as you are going to make it, but on the other hand I’m wondering how many people would like to have a shit in front of some strange bloke? Even some babies filling nappies have tantrums if you dare glance in their direction at this time.

Probably because a significantly larger portion of women work full time now while raising kids compared to a generation ago when it was common for mothers to be at home.

If you don’t want him to visit that’s obviously your prerogative. For me, I’m not too keen on the form of potty training where the child has to be naked for days with a potty in every room that they can be grabbed and plonked on as soon as the parent sees ‘signs.’ I started as I meant to go on - joggers and underpants and regular trips to the toilet. If they can’t pull their pants down and then back up and aren’t yet capable of waiting under a minute to reach the toilet they may not be ready yet!

Just put a nappy on your child while they visit, it's not going to make a difference.

presumably if you have had it booked in for weeks so its all hands on deck, couldn't you Husband/partner (presuming you have one at home) hold the fort for an hour and you could pop round to your mum's to meet said friend without interrupting potty training?

Well I presume op won’t be taking the visitor by the hand and dragging him to the toilet to watch her son take a dump. If she does then there’s more problems than a visitor!

This is turning out to be a perfect Mumsnet storm. Including how very dare your parent make a request- and how very dare a person look any my baby. OP-you'll be fine. Do try not to get too tensed up about potty training- you child will pick up on your anxiety. It'll happen. Even if it doesn't happen in your window, it will happen. Promise.