To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

[raisinglittleones]

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

You do know potty training doesn't fit in a diary schedule right?
My oldest DS took 6 months to get it 100%...
Youngest took two days...
I hope you blocked out enough days 😂

I don’t get the need for the nasty comments. I work full time and had to essentially block out a few days where I wasn’t working and made no plans to potty train my daughter - what would the alternative be? Just send her off to childcare and hope for the best? Why would a stranger want to come and visit anyway.

I haven’t read the full thread or all of the responses but I can’t get passed ‘blocking it out in the diary’. You can’t really plan these things, either a child is ready or they aren’t and you’ll find out if they aren’t pretty soon. But yes to answer your question you’re being unreasonable, potty training can go on for weeks, if not months and is sometimes very hit and miss. Are you going to ban people from visiting your home indefinitely? Also if your mums friend has had children she probably won’t bat an eye at a potty training toddler running about.

apologies I now realise mums friend is male who is unknown to you. That changes my perception a little. You’re well within your rights to say no to someone visiting your home for any reason of course. If it’s unavoidable though, pull up pants and loose waisted shorts are an alternative.

https://visiblechild.com/2015/09/20/toilet-training-in-one-simple-step/

Haven’t read the full thread but I’m just going to leave that there. Potty training really doesn’t have to be an all intensive military operation. If your child is ready it’s pretty much instant.

You are not only BU but totally bonkers!
can’t wait for your posts when they start school and don’t get a party invitation. 🤣

Yep, it’s exactly how my mum potty trained 8 of us in the 70s & 80s. Pull ups and training pants were not a thing then so pants off and potty at the ready. No change to day to day activity, no big deal made about it, visitors came and went as usual.

No surprise there’s some harsh replies here.

All kids are different, some master it in days others takes longer.

When DD hit 2.5 she hated nappies and would whip it off during the night and greet me with it in the
morning, all rolled up and secured ready for the bin and was still dry and clean.

My sister took such a fondness to the potty that it became her seat for watching TV, chilling etc. and sat on it for a year and refused to use the toilet.

I’d mirror some of the advice given to not make it a ‘thing’ as this could led to stress and frustration for everyone.
No reason why visitors can’t call. it’s a bit OTT.

hope all goes well with it OP.

OP can put the kid back in pull-ups for an hour while the visitor is there, or postpone for a day. It's not a reason to go into purdah.

This is waaaayyy OTT…we toilet trained (skipped the potty) our 2020 baby last year and lived life as normal. She wasn’t ready at 2 so we tried again a day at a time every month then at 2.5 she just got it.

Now I’m not saying everybody’s experience will be this easy, obviously all kids are different but I think the lack of pressure on her helped. Accidents are normal and portable potties are great…

I would phrase it as you don't want a lot of company over because you will obviously be picking up feces and cleaning urine and that you won't have time to entertain. But, if they really need a visit, they can have a half hour in between training sessions.
Also, I would attempt to train both kids. Not saying to force it or anything, but my younger trained while I was training her sister and I wasn't even trying. She was barely 2. And it may encourage both of them if they are seeing a sibling also going to the toilet at the same time. as long as they are physically and mentally able to, of course.

Oh you could spend a whole week concentrating on this or you could just wait til DS is actually ready. Let him run around the garden with his bum out and have the potty nearby- you’ll soon find out if hes ready or not!

Blocked it out in the diary…seriously you are majorly overthinking this, just remain relaxed and put them on the loo / potty when they show cues. Honestly, if the child is ready, can communicate their needs etc then it’s easy and they’ll pick it up in no time.

This made me laugh way too much

What the hell are people blocking diaries out for?? Just wait until they are ready - however long it takes and it’ll click so quickly without all this drama! Why would you want to make life harder for yourselves?

It really doesn't matter if you agree with the OP's choice of potty training method or not. The issue is a mother in law who doesn't respect boundaries. The only response necessary is, Sorry, we're busy this weekend. Hopefully we'll see you next time. End of.
The fact that people here are piling on in support of an over-bearing MIL is stark contrast to the multiple threads advising to draw boundaries. 🤦‍♀️
OP, your DH needs to back you up.

Good point. I retract my previous statement in that case.
When you put it like that, I can see why OP is annoyed.

He's someone you know who has experienced potty training and has a penis of his own. Even if your decides that he needs to do a poo now Mummy, I'm sure he's used to it. Maybe do a potty visit about fifteen minutes before he's due to help prevent accidents?

Well said ‘baby’ is at least 2.5 so yes, they are ‘ready’…

How do you know? I’ve had 3 children and only one was ready at 2 and a half…

I think you are overreacting a little. Potty training isn’t as big a deal as you seem to think it is. That said, if you aren’t comfortable with someone coming round then stick to your guns. Good luck, you may well find 2021 baby starts the potty training as well when they see older sibling doing it 👍

Thank you for tagging me. 💐
Wondering if MIL is causing friction in other areas.... 🤷‍♀️
OP????

What if earth are you’re talking about, it clearly states it’s OPs mother, not MIL?

of course MN, are not anti MILs at all, are they?

At least read the first post?

Too many typos but you get my drift 🤷‍♀️

If you don't want someone in your house you are allowed to say no, you don't even need a reason