To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

[raisinglittleones]

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

What am I reading?!? 😂 Diarising a slot to potty train your child, under the guise of being ‘organised’. My child verbalised their desire to wear underwear like their big cousin… cue potty training. They wore clothes, including underwear so they felt the sensation of being wet. Life went on as normal, fortunately few accidents but I was prepared for worse. My DC was 2.5 years old. Would I have stopped visitors, no, but probably would have forewarned them!

Um, you do know it can take more than a (blocked out) weekend to potty train a kid?

My 9 year old still has accidents (and has been under a clinic for it since the age of 4).

I kind of get where you are coming from. I guess it won't be a problem if its a quick visit.
My mum was kind of the same when I was a kid, my uncle used to come to the house most mornings while we were trying to get ready for school (we used to get ready in front the fire) and he wanted to sit and gasbag i guess before my dad went to work. My mum wasn't comfortable with this especially me being a girl. She had to ask my dad to tell my uncle not to keep coming, so he ended up still coming but would wait in his car outside for us to be taken to school then he would come in.

Honestly even without the potty training, a strange man coming round to my house? No thanks!
You and your child need to feel comfortable, and the less distractions the better. Do what makes you comfortable, not to please your mum or anyone else

Basically:

• most of those who used 'oh crap' or similar intense methods agree with the OP.
• most of those who choose to use a less intense methods think she's nuts.

The 'oh crap' method does say to block time out, and that it should be your sole focus for a few days. On day 1 they even caution against cooking meals (they suggest a prepared packed lunch) or looking at your phone/a book.

We used it three times, each time it was excellent. For us, it worked well. We didn't go anywhere for a couple of days (but timed it for the summer so could go in the garden). My kids weren't stressed by it, and within a few days we had it totally cracked

Its not for everyone, but for that that use it, that first day is intense. I wouldn't have my best friend round on that day, as it would distract me, let alone a virtual stranger.

Firstly, sorry that you have to read so many rude replies from people on here when asking a harmless question. Secondly, I haven't potty trained yet but it is totally understandable that you don't feel like entertaining someone you barely know while you're at home potty training. How bizarre that it's so hard for people to see that!

You’re being super PFB.

Yes, how bizarre for people who have potty trained their children to have a different view as someone who hasn't potty trained yet 😂

what are you doing? Wees? Poos? Day training? Night training? If you’re day training a verbal 2.5-3 year old it’s not going to be a big deal.

You’re doomed to failure with an attitude like this! Blocking time off in the calendar ages in advance, forbidden houseguests and the hand wringing angst that seems an inevitability…..Jesus! Kids will train when they are ready and normally give you a very clear indication of when this is. When they are truly ready they are ready and it happens shamelessly with next to no accidents thereafter. Scheduling it in to your own calendar under the misrepresentation of being organised leads to complexes and issues around toileting.

Seamlessly 🤣

Yes I would be fine.... an hour isn't going to impact your potty training.

But... potty training doesn't take up every minute of every day?! You can see and speak to other people... dedicating q few days to it is a good idea, ie a bit of time off work and not going out as much, but you don't have to go to the lengths of not interacting with others.

Is this a reverse ?
Is that you Rufus ?

Howling 🤣🤣🤣

Oh dear, sorry to break it to you but it's NOT an overbearing MIL thread so beloved by MN, but her MOTHER'S friend the OP has known since childhood. Do keep up!

Poor man why is everyone thought to be a weirdo or pervert these days? A few hours is neither here or there.The child is about 3 so I imagine is perfectly sociable and may even enjoy a visitor.He might come bearing gifts!
If you are that worried about bottoms stick a pair of shorts on him.He's not a tiny baby and can quickly get them up and down.
Really potty training is not necessarily the nightmare we expect, they all get there and the occasional accident is not the end of the world.

Why do people do this to themselves?
There's very little 'training' when they're ready 🤷‍♀️

Is it lockdown for the days it may take to 'train'? Seems way OTT either way that you can't have a cup of tea with an acquaintance. I mean, if you don't want to, that's fine, just say so. No need for weird excuses, surely?

It might be a really welcome break.

You really are overreacting. It’s not a big deal.

YABU. VU. It’s not a whole day is it, just an hour or so. I can understand your mum’s upset, she’s right in what she says

I agree with you OP.

Would you feel comfortable being naked in front of that man...no? Then don't do that to your child.

You are over reacting and behaving oddly.
Precious First Born?

And because of that error your point is what exactly? The issue is boundaries. I guess tut tutting makes you feel good though? Oh do find something constructive to offer.

OP, if it’s any consolation - we’ve just finished training our 2020 baby (with a 2021 baby in tow, too) and I do understand your thought process. We essentially “locked ourselves away” for a few days. More to be near a toilet/him to get used to it before we ventured out. I probably would’ve have declined a male friend/acquaintance popping over too, but my standpoint more from a “my son’s willy is going to be out all day” sorta thing xx

I think the fact is that people believe your comments are fuelled because you immediately jumped to MIL, when it couldn’t be clearer it was DM. The whole your “DH” needs to step up, it’s all so cliched and predictable.

And FYI I have given my thoughts up thread.