To not let my mums friend visit while potty training

[raisinglittleones]

We have decided to start potty training our 2020 baby this weekend - I’ve had it blocked out in the diary for weeks so we are all home and able to focus on the task at hand. We also have a 2021 baby so definitely need all hands on deck!

My mum has now sprung on me that a friend of hers (who is the dad of someone I used to go to school with as a child but haven’t seen in maybe 10 or more years) is staying with her this weekend and he would love to see me and the kids. I said that because of the potty training I wasn’t comfortable with having someone who is essentially a stranger (especially to my son) in the house while we are going through this big change, as I want my son to feel at ease and relaxed and not be overwhelmed.

She’s taken it personally and has said that I shouldn’t call him a stranger when he’s such a big part of our past and that his wife passed away recently so I should show some compassion.

AIBU? Am I overreacting? I've never potty trained before so have no idea what to expect - would it be fine if this guy pops round for an hour or so?

Different methods work for different people. I’ve had friends swear by oh crap but it wasn’t for me. I wasn’t up for the intense watching of the child for cues and rigidity. Bribery with chocolate buttons and lots of praise seemed to do the trick as did a more informal approach.

If the OP wants to follow the method, has time blocked out and is ready to go for it then it’s her choice whether or not visitors might be a pain or not. Why should she have to change her plans because her mum wants to bring someone over she’s not that bothered about seeing?

None of mine were ready till about 3. Never used potty . Ds had one day in pants no trousers then off to nursery next day where reminded about toilet. Only accident was when he was playing at" washing up' DD2 just followed her sister into the loo and copied

I thought maybe you were going to be using an underwear free method of potty training and that’s where the concern was but in the nicest way possible, give yourself a break! Though it might for some, it’s highly unlikely a weekend will be enough time to really nail down potty training. In my experience you’ll know when they’re ready and every child is different. And if they’re not ready any potty training you do manage wont last long. If he’s at that stage now and that’s why you want to focus on that alone then you know your household best and go with your gut. I think you’re perhaps being more cautious than unreasonable but maybe your mum is being a bit unreasonable too in taking it so personally. Either way, go with what works for your family. As an outsider I can see why so many people are saying you’re being unreasonable and what’s all the fuss but sounds like you have a busy household I can see why you’d want to feel settled and able to focus on this. Good luck either way

If your child is ready showing the signs you keep them dressed lose clothes it takes 3 days ish before reasonably dry and you don't have to keep a close eye. If they are not ready and you're doing it by birthday such as the oh crap method it can take months....
I've trained upwards of 60 children, never a problem to have visitors I've normally 3 to 6 children to keep occupied and 2 training at once. Most are 30 to 36 months.

Yes, you're overreacting and quite frankly being ridiculous. A baby born in 2020 is no longer a baby, they're at the latter stage of being a toddler, so almost deemed a pre-schooler!!

All you need to do is stick pants and a skirt/shorts on him/her when the visitor comes over.

You're making this to be a much bigger deal than it is and you'll project that onto your toddler.

Chill out, go with the flow.

True oh crap insists it 24 months must be naked you send siblings away for a week and follow your child then when they have cracked that you put clothes on and they often revert ....says you've clothed too early. But if she followed the advice that is usually given nobody would buy her book.

Sorry, why do you feel the need to jump down my throat? Why pick at another poster as opposed to offering your own opinion and advice to OP? Did my error in stating MIL instead of Mum totally negate my opinion?
C'mon... 🤷‍♀️

Am I the only one who thinks the mum is the strange one?? Why is she so desperate for this random man to see her daughter and grandchild?? Especially when the grandchild might be half naked pooing everywhere...

Actually my kids just potty trained themselves. Naked, in the garden, wee’ing on the ground. I barely noticed it was happening. Both of them were under 3.

....take the potty training out of the picture entirely. The conversation should go

Mum: is it ok if I bring random dude to your house this weekend?

OP: no it's not a good weekend for me.

Mum: ok no worries darling I'll entertain the guy you barely know and haven't seen in years some other way.

End.

If they are ready they will be trained in a couple of days if they are not it can take weeks or months.
Two of mine were trained at 2 the other one was three.
You try for a day and if there are numerous accidents you stop and wait.
The only problem with the ones that stay in nappies for longer are the comments from well meaning relatives!

If your that stressed about something so inconsequential maybe put potty training off for a while.

Good grief

yes, you’re overreacting.

If you don’t want visitors because your dedicating the weekend to potty training then that is absolutely fine. You never have to have anyone round to your house and you definitely shouldn’t be guilt tripped into it. Your Mum wants to bring someone over. It doesn’t work for you. Just say no. I don’t understand why pp are saying YABU. It’s called having boundaries.

Fellow 2020 parent here and I'm with you.

Most of the potty training methods I've read say they need to be very relaxed and you need to very attuned to them. Hence blocking out diary and not hosting someone you don't know and will need to focus on. Precious, maybe but I'd be the same! Most books tell you to block out time so there must be good reason for it.

It’s not her MIL it’s her mother and the visitor is a recently widowed family friend who wishes to visit, posters are pointing out this is OTT to refuse to allow this visitor into her mum because she is potty training.

*Into her home

OP, I was so similar to you. I have Feb 2020 twins.
My first PT attempt I did the same, I booked a week off work at Easter last year, had all the books, had fancy potty’s, fucking kilos of chocolate buttons, a reward chart, stickers, the absolute works. It went horribly - mostly as they weren’t ready but I think I was a bag of nerves and expectation and day 1 was a shocker. We called it quits almost instantly.

Attempt 2 happened 8 months later when they just naturally showed a lot of signs they were ready, I didn’t take any time off just started at a long weekend, binned the charts (but kept the buttons - M&S giant ones were particularly good) and just thought fuck it it can’t be as bad as last time, and it went great. It was super relaxed and other than staying in the house for 3 days our lives didn’t change a jot. It’s just long days of staring at your kid asking every 30 mins if they need a wee; it’s actually mind bogglingly boring!

As for visitors I wasn’t close to though yeah I’d say no. There’s gonna be wee and possibly poo on the floor, naked bums and you wondering whether it’s too early to start on the wine as you order more Febreeze. Get the support network in for sure, but anyone else can wait 🤣

It’s in the title, it’s in the OP, you sound like it’s a typical all MILs are wrong posters. It’s so rife on MN.

Why on earth did you jump to MIL?

I so agree with this ....potty training in our house was with the potty in the bathroom and the child going in with me when I went and her sitting on the potty at the same time . She soon got the idea and used to take herself off to the loo by herself in no time

I only used a potty with one of them for a few days and I never had to tell any of the 4 of them what the toilet was for. They'd been following me in their since they could walk so knew perfectly well what it was for 🙄

You’re making it an issue.

Ds was like that, he was about 2.5 ( I had heard that boys were more difficult than girls and he was non- verbal so wasn't rushing it) and he just decided he didn't want to wear nappies anymore. He was a bit chubby so the nappies might have been a bit uncomfortable but that was it. Never had one accident. Dd3 was very stubborn and just refused to do anything without a nappy on. She could hold her wee all day. At 2 and 3/4 I told her she wouldn't be able to go to playschool ( which was true for my much older dc) if she wasn't wearing big girl pants and that did it. Next day she stopped with nappies.

I understand OP and I’ve also blocked out time to toilet train my 6 year old in the summer holidays (taken 2 weeks off work !) and we will be home for the whole time or in the garden as I know it’s going to be hard !

Massive overreaction!