Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

358 replies

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 11:40

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 21/06/2023 16:45

I also don’t really get why not enjoying weddings is automatically categorised as “being miserable” or “being bitter” or “(not) being a barrel of laughs”.

Why is failure to enjoy a wedding seen as a sign of poor character?

I’m not keen on weddings either although I will happily go along and put my game face on.

Should I also report the thought police for reprogramming?

M340 · 21/06/2023 16:45

EllaRaines · 21/06/2023 12:22

'Ones at country houses and the like with classic cars and everyone dressed like they’re about to stand on the royal balcony to wave at the peasants. The food that’s served in tiny lukewarm portions in insipid watery plasma and the speeches that drone on. The old fashioned, showing off money and putting all the belligerent old farts you can’t stand within touching distance of you and letting them drink in the afternoon so they’re level 10 annoying…type weddings. Ones where I need to wear ...'

What an awful inverted snob you are! It's fine for you not to go but to deny your children the chance to mix with normal people is cruel. No wonder they are as you describe them - 'feral'.

Totally agree.

You sound quite stone faced. I'm surprised you get invites in the first place.

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 21/06/2023 16:48

to deny your children the chance to mix with normal people is cruel.

Oh how hilarious. Who is the judge of what makes someone a normal person?

IsThisReallyPC · 21/06/2023 16:48

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:23

Ah there it is. This kind of lifestyle is only undertaken by wealthy people. It all makes sense now.

Not wealthy here.
But this is how we live.
Not farmers but grow everything we can for food.
Don’t buy loads of clothes. I have one black floaty dress I bought in 2013 for my mums funeral and I still wear it to any occasion that may require a dress.
We walk almost everywhere.
We do not window shop or surf the net for tat we really don’t need.
My boys ( grown up now) see the worth in second hand and sharing around.
A good day out is a walk, some wild camping and yes our boys did and still do not bother with short hair. Why would they.

Theres more to life than following the rat race and being obsessed with stuff. It doesn’t mean you’re loaded and have inherited it all or that you don’t also work.
It’s a way of living.

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:49

‘crappy food’
‘everyone dressed like they’re about to stand on the royal balcony’
‘food that’s served in tiny lukewarm portions in insipid watery plasma’ ‘speeches that drone on’
‘showing off money’
‘belligerent old farts’

Yep. People are being rude and OP is just ‘lovely’. Wish she was in my family ;-)

tedderr · 21/06/2023 16:50

Your kids have 1 pair of shoes but they're outdoor boys?

Jesus.

Sandra1984 · 21/06/2023 16:51

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 21/06/2023 16:25

DH family are well off

Ah ok. So you’re hobbyists who are totally loaded, and can afford to not make a living. Gotcha. Trendy feral types. 😂

I sound like I’m being mean, not really. Just poking a bit of fun. Making a living from, and just ‘doing’ farming is hard. I imagine it’s much easier when you don’t actually have to make money and you don’t have to work, and you can tinker on tractors and pretend to be eco-conscious.

Your tone comes out as quite jealous of the fact she gets to live the life she wants and not worry about money.

Ultimately… don’t we all want that? In my case I’m an “urban animal” who happens to like her job (no rich husband unfortunately) so would never choose the OP’s life style but good for her for living her dream life and not giving a toss regarding what others think.

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:52

IsThisReallyPC · 21/06/2023 16:48

Not wealthy here.
But this is how we live.
Not farmers but grow everything we can for food.
Don’t buy loads of clothes. I have one black floaty dress I bought in 2013 for my mums funeral and I still wear it to any occasion that may require a dress.
We walk almost everywhere.
We do not window shop or surf the net for tat we really don’t need.
My boys ( grown up now) see the worth in second hand and sharing around.
A good day out is a walk, some wild camping and yes our boys did and still do not bother with short hair. Why would they.

Theres more to life than following the rat race and being obsessed with stuff. It doesn’t mean you’re loaded and have inherited it all or that you don’t also work.
It’s a way of living.

Nah. It’s about attitude too.

All that setting up a little school, preaching to others, looking down on people who don’t do the same, tinkering with ‘farming’, making a big deal about ‘free range outdoors kids’. It’s a middle-class money thing. I have seen it time and time again.

ilovesooty · 21/06/2023 16:52

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:49

‘crappy food’
‘everyone dressed like they’re about to stand on the royal balcony’
‘food that’s served in tiny lukewarm portions in insipid watery plasma’ ‘speeches that drone on’
‘showing off money’
‘belligerent old farts’

Yep. People are being rude and OP is just ‘lovely’. Wish she was in my family ;-)

She's entitled to her opinion. She hasn't been rude to any posters here despite the comments levelled at her, including spiteful digs at her way of life and her parenting.

ASGIRC · 21/06/2023 16:53

IglesiasPiggl · 21/06/2023 11:53

You'll probably find the invites tail off once most of your friends are married. I am late 40s and not had a wedding invite in years now.

Ive never had 4 invites a year, ever!!!
Even when I was in my 30s!
My last friend who got married just went to the notary with her husband and signed a paper!

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 21/06/2023 16:53

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:49

‘crappy food’
‘everyone dressed like they’re about to stand on the royal balcony’
‘food that’s served in tiny lukewarm portions in insipid watery plasma’ ‘speeches that drone on’
‘showing off money’
‘belligerent old farts’

Yep. People are being rude and OP is just ‘lovely’. Wish she was in my family ;-)

She's not wrong though, that's pretty much my experience of weddings (including my own I'm afraid to say, but it was 1985 and I was in a meringue with a smashing perm).

We are allowed to poke fun at weddings. The OP isn't naming someone's wedding...that would be rude.

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:53

tedderr · 21/06/2023 16:50

Your kids have 1 pair of shoes but they're outdoor boys?

Jesus.

They probably have one pair between them. Plenty of money in the bank but this way she can tell everyone they only have one pair. It’s a bit like people who don’t own a TV… ;-)

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 16:54

@m340
Im never rude or stone faced . I’m a generous host to them when they visit and I’m always pleasant and smily even if I’m at a wedding! My parents taught me about manners and to pretend to enjoy things even if you aren’t to save feelings. Which I’ve always done, so none of these people will know I don’t enjoy the thing hence the fibbing situation evolved. But I don’t like anything formal or pompous and I’ve always hated having to dress up, a good number of my older relatives are misogynistic old c*s who level up when on the booze and it’s all very much a competitive sport for quite a lot of them, so before we’ve even got to the the food issues or the kids being nightmares it’s awful for me. I have had some very good advice how to better manage this now.

OP posts:
BelindaBears · 21/06/2023 16:54

Why are you buying new outfits? You can wear something you already own. Why are you dressing your children as mini accountants? They can wear something they already own. Why is all the food going in the bin? I’ve never been at a wedding that sounds remotely like what you’ve described.

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 21/06/2023 16:54

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:52

Nah. It’s about attitude too.

All that setting up a little school, preaching to others, looking down on people who don’t do the same, tinkering with ‘farming’, making a big deal about ‘free range outdoors kids’. It’s a middle-class money thing. I have seen it time and time again.

Is she harming anybody with her lifestyle? I don't think so.

TheMurderousGoose · 21/06/2023 16:55

The OP hasn’t left her home/farm in three weeks. Who would be jealous of that?

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:58

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 21/06/2023 16:53

She's not wrong though, that's pretty much my experience of weddings (including my own I'm afraid to say, but it was 1985 and I was in a meringue with a smashing perm).

We are allowed to poke fun at weddings. The OP isn't naming someone's wedding...that would be rude.

She is criticising everyone’s weddings, saying they are all awful and making out her little cool simple affair was better than those of her loved ones. She can think what she wants but she doesn’t sound that lovely to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Lovely is people who go and celebrate the special day with their friends and family and accept their weddings for what they are. And all weddings I have attended have been different, from the humble to the flash. I love seeing my friends and family happy. That’s enough.

IsThisReallyPC · 21/06/2023 16:58

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 16:52

Nah. It’s about attitude too.

All that setting up a little school, preaching to others, looking down on people who don’t do the same, tinkering with ‘farming’, making a big deal about ‘free range outdoors kids’. It’s a middle-class money thing. I have seen it time and time again.

She doesn’t sound preachy at all.
Quite refreshing really

M340 · 21/06/2023 16:59

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 16:54

@m340
Im never rude or stone faced . I’m a generous host to them when they visit and I’m always pleasant and smily even if I’m at a wedding! My parents taught me about manners and to pretend to enjoy things even if you aren’t to save feelings. Which I’ve always done, so none of these people will know I don’t enjoy the thing hence the fibbing situation evolved. But I don’t like anything formal or pompous and I’ve always hated having to dress up, a good number of my older relatives are misogynistic old c*s who level up when on the booze and it’s all very much a competitive sport for quite a lot of them, so before we’ve even got to the the food issues or the kids being nightmares it’s awful for me. I have had some very good advice how to better manage this now.

I respect your replies here. Fair enough each to their own n all that. Do you worry your childrens lives will be quite limited / held back at all due to their lives being so contained? Or are they not contained at all?

CurtainBlind · 21/06/2023 17:00

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 21/06/2023 16:54

Is she harming anybody with her lifestyle? I don't think so.

Course she isn’t harming someone (other than the planet with her many kids). Other people’s weddings aren’t harming anyone either. She is still happy to slag them off.

Sigmama · 21/06/2023 17:00

The people versus, I don't see it as not liking weddings, more not liking people, and that is a bit curmudgeonly

EllaRaines · 21/06/2023 17:01

If you're an eco warrior why do you have Spaniels?

From an American article, but you get the gist - One of the most obvious ways that dogs impact the environment is through their feces. Although placing the poop into a plastic bag for disposal is the right thing to do, it does have a harmful environmental impact.
You may think that leaving your dog poop to naturally decompose is an environmentally friendly solution. Wrong! Dog feces left to rot can damage ecosystems as they get washed into rivers and drains.
The dog waste bags that you deposit in dog bins typically end in landfill sites. In the US alone, dogs approximately produce the same amount of feces as 90 million humans, which equates to 5.1 million tons. Transportation and processing of waste on this scale require a significant carbon dioxide output.
Another problem with dog waste is that it can pollute nearby bodies of water. The USDA reports that it can deplete oxygen fish and other water-based life need to survive and lead to the growth of harmful algae.

The feces itself also contains a significant amount of methane, which is a pollutant gas.

Dog food.
According to Gregory Okin, a Professor at UCLA, the meat contained in dog food products is responsible for up to 30% of the environmental impact of American meat intake.
In pure meat terms, it is estimated that 32 billion pounds of meat protein are consumed by dogs each year in the US alone. Extrapolate this to the whole world, and that is a lot of meat consumption.
The meat found in premium dog foods is normally meat off-cuts designed for humans. Although many vets will recommend you use premium dog food products, as the meat used in these products typically enters the human meat supply chain, it contributes to a net increase in overall meat production.

Dogs benefit from the protein derived from poultry and beef cattle to build and maintain muscle growth. Meat protein is especially important during the growth phases and for highly active dogs.
However, the land, water, and food required to feed meat farming create a huge carbon footprint.
Most environmental scientists argue that reducing meat consumption is one of the most environmentally friendly steps you can take as a household. Unfortunately, owning a dog will make this shift very challenging.

The Dog Product Issue
Dog products, whether they be treats, toys, collars, bowls, grooming products, or beds, all require carbon inputs. For example, the extraction of raw materials, single-use plastic, or the carbon outputs in the processing and transportation of these goods around the world.

Many dog products are difficult to recycle so will also end up in a landfill.

You’ve probably worked out that dogs are not great for the environment.
...........

This is why I can't stand anyone that is a self appointed 'ECO' warrior or anything else. Much like Extinction Rebellion they are a hypocrites and and whilst the mouth spouts one thing the lifestyle is at odds with it.

IsThisReallyPC · 21/06/2023 17:01

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 21/06/2023 16:54

Is she harming anybody with her lifestyle? I don't think so.

Quite agree@BunnyBettChetwynnd
I don’t understand why people are taking this attitude. She’s not on here criticising any of them but so many posters seem to be taking her comments personally.
We did the big wedding thing and I quite agree with what she’s said.

ilovesooty · 21/06/2023 17:07

EllaRaines · 21/06/2023 17:01

If you're an eco warrior why do you have Spaniels?

From an American article, but you get the gist - One of the most obvious ways that dogs impact the environment is through their feces. Although placing the poop into a plastic bag for disposal is the right thing to do, it does have a harmful environmental impact.
You may think that leaving your dog poop to naturally decompose is an environmentally friendly solution. Wrong! Dog feces left to rot can damage ecosystems as they get washed into rivers and drains.
The dog waste bags that you deposit in dog bins typically end in landfill sites. In the US alone, dogs approximately produce the same amount of feces as 90 million humans, which equates to 5.1 million tons. Transportation and processing of waste on this scale require a significant carbon dioxide output.
Another problem with dog waste is that it can pollute nearby bodies of water. The USDA reports that it can deplete oxygen fish and other water-based life need to survive and lead to the growth of harmful algae.

The feces itself also contains a significant amount of methane, which is a pollutant gas.

Dog food.
According to Gregory Okin, a Professor at UCLA, the meat contained in dog food products is responsible for up to 30% of the environmental impact of American meat intake.
In pure meat terms, it is estimated that 32 billion pounds of meat protein are consumed by dogs each year in the US alone. Extrapolate this to the whole world, and that is a lot of meat consumption.
The meat found in premium dog foods is normally meat off-cuts designed for humans. Although many vets will recommend you use premium dog food products, as the meat used in these products typically enters the human meat supply chain, it contributes to a net increase in overall meat production.

Dogs benefit from the protein derived from poultry and beef cattle to build and maintain muscle growth. Meat protein is especially important during the growth phases and for highly active dogs.
However, the land, water, and food required to feed meat farming create a huge carbon footprint.
Most environmental scientists argue that reducing meat consumption is one of the most environmentally friendly steps you can take as a household. Unfortunately, owning a dog will make this shift very challenging.

The Dog Product Issue
Dog products, whether they be treats, toys, collars, bowls, grooming products, or beds, all require carbon inputs. For example, the extraction of raw materials, single-use plastic, or the carbon outputs in the processing and transportation of these goods around the world.

Many dog products are difficult to recycle so will also end up in a landfill.

You’ve probably worked out that dogs are not great for the environment.
...........

This is why I can't stand anyone that is a self appointed 'ECO' warrior or anything else. Much like Extinction Rebellion they are a hypocrites and and whilst the mouth spouts one thing the lifestyle is at odds with it.

FFS.

OhmygodDont · 21/06/2023 17:07

Ops live sounds quite simple and enjoyable tbh.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a hobby farm or not. They are farming, he dh fixes up tractors and whatnot. They rent out the fields they don’t use to larger farmers. In fact the only rich farmers are the ones who rent out their land tbh.

So basically what people are hating is that op is one of those wealthy people who live like poor people basically and don’t want to have massive luxury things. People who couldn’t imagine not having to leave your large land apart from day school runs for three weeks all shocked that anyone could like that. They live in Cornwall a 5 mile drive from the beach I’m sure their land is rather lovely to enjoy tbh.