To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

[Supergluedisaster]

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

Ah ok. What crops? I can’t see how you can all survive financially like this. Our yields are pretty dire and we have gone all-out.

No rent or mortgage to pay, we rent out some land, grow some potatoes and have a couple poly tunnels with tomatoes and chillies. DH also fixes stuff as he is actually very skilled in that way although he prefers ‘farming’. DH family are well off . They set him up pretty well.

You can dislike going to weddings, without having to slag off everyone else’s weddings surely?

You had a wedding according to your taste. Doesn’t make you better than others though.

It is clear that you have lots of issues: disordered eating, ‘free range’ boys that you struggle to manage, a husband that doesn’t want to go to events, a car that’s not up the job, financial constraints, limited clothing options and very likely some kind of social anxiety/insecurity or similar. It’s fine not to go to weddings. But be honest with people and explain that this is about you and not weddings as a whole.

And ‘eco warriors’ with four kids are best not preaching to others. However hard you to try to be off-grid, adding four extra humans to the western world is the worst thing you can do.

Organic veg and chillies for restaurants and local supplies. Nothing wild. Connections go back to when his Dad had the place but his dad had a lot more going on and farmed all the fields himself with big crops. DH does considerably less and rents out fields and uses a barn as workshop.

’Thanks but no thanks. There is a reason we didn’t have a wedding of our own.’

her finances are none of your business, she may have money or maybe her husband has inherited, so no need to do the rat race.

I didn’t set it up. The village set it up. Lots of rural places have small primary schools with just a dozen or so kids. It was so parents didn’t feel they had to home Ed and give the kids a more normal experience it’s not that remarkable. As for secondary, god knows. I want them to go into town and go the academy. Dh Would like them to use an online study system and help him/ learn stuff on the farm. I suspect I won’t have too much of a fight in my hands when he realises that 11 year old boys can be pretty annoying and won’t necessarily want to do what he does. They must be given the opportunity to carve out lives that suit them.

What about your boys as they grow up? For now they are fine being feral and running around on your land.

What about when they become teens? They will need to be socialised at some point. Won’t they? Or will you keep them home if you can’t club together and open your own dear little secondary?

Do you want to keep them in your insular existence? There was a recent thread about how people from Cornwall don’t welcome outsiders, call them emmets etc. I am getting a flavour of how it begins…

Ah there it is. This kind of lifestyle is only undertaken by wealthy people. It all makes sense now.

OP, you sound lovejy, and are being very reasonable responding to all these rude, confrontational questions about your perfectly valid lifestyle choices. It sounds idyllic and like you know exactly who you are

DH family are well off

Ah ok. So you’re hobbyists who are totally loaded, and can afford to not make a living. Gotcha. Trendy feral types. 😂

I sound like I’m being mean, not really. Just poking a bit of fun. Making a living from, and just ‘doing’ farming is hard. I imagine it’s much easier when you don’t actually have to make money and you don’t have to work, and you can tinker on tractors and pretend to be eco-conscious.

Thank you. I’ve actually got a sore knee and nothing better to do so I’m enjoying it to be honest. It’s funny, because I grew up in the suburbs in the 80’s with very average professional parents so I know damned well how I live is pretty unusual these days but for a myriad of reasons I actually love almost everything about it.

As other posters have said
just say sorry we can’t make it on the rsvp.
We had people decline but I don’t remember anyone giving a reason.

Its OK to hate weddings,

You really sound like my type of person.

Good for you OP.

I think some (a lot) of the responses you're receiving say more about posters being unhappy with their own lives than they say about yours.

I’m amazed anyone invites you to a wedding!
just decline, I’m sure they’re just being polite.

He’s busy and he does do a lot . I appreciate though , it’s a different league from the major crop producers and livestock farmers who run at very tight margins and can be totally annihilated by a dose of TB or a bad harvest. That type of pressure and the skills needed to run an operation like that is something quite specialist.

@Abouttoblow

i think it’s more OP’s snotty, judgmental comments about her families weddings that have got people’s backs up slightly

I'm not all that fond of weddings either. I'm going to a friend's very informal wedding next month.

Just decline politely and say you can't make it and wish them well.

I don't see why people felt the need to be so rude to you either.

Totally agree with this.