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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To lie my way out of the nightmare that is wedding season

358 replies

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 11:40

I despise weddings. Always have always will. I’m not a social person and I can’t eat in the company of strangers. I hate making small talk and I’m a diehard eco warrior so the compulsory purchasing of outfits and travel and all the crappy ( mostly thrown away) food really grates on me.
they’re always in the summer too, a waste of a day that could have been spent on the beach or in the forest or something with the kids and not boring them to death dressed like miniature accountants for the day.
DH and I could have afforded to do what we wanted for our wedding and we simply signed at the RO and went to the pub, 6 of us took about 3.5 hrs including eating and drinking at pub .Family were delighted we weren’t forcing them to participate in anything else.
anyway, we get about 4 invites a year. I decline nearly all of them ( cousins, friends etc) luckily siblings won’t do weddings either as they share my views so never expected to be important guests anyway. Every single time I say… sorry we’re on holiday. The extended family must think we’re away all summer ! What worries me is that when the kids are old enough to use social media or talk to the family independently they’re going to drop me in it. Also feels a bit awkward trying to avoid them long enough for them to not ask the kids how their holiday was … is there a more ethical and grown up way to avoid these things without offending people? Has anyone ever had the balls to just say ‘sorry not for us we hate weddings! But good luck hope it goes really well?’

OP posts:
NeverThatSerious · 21/06/2023 15:40

EyelessArseFace · 21/06/2023 15:37

Arable. Not all farms have livestock that needs tending.

Of course however I don’t know a single arable farmer who shuts the door on the farm each and every weekend without a backward glance. That’s unrealistic imo. My point really is that I suspect by ‘farm’ OP means a couple of acres on which they grow veg.. if that.

dodobookends · 21/06/2023 15:40

NeverThatSerious · 21/06/2023 15:26

Also, what kind of ‘farm’ can you close the door on of a Saturday afternoon and not bother with at all until the Monday… not one I’ve ever heard of, or been on. I should give my place a stern talking to.

The sort of farm that has other people who work there, who are left in charge when the family is out.

BunnyBettChetwynnd · 21/06/2023 15:42

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 21/06/2023 15:10

Hating weddings seems to be a whole personality type on MN

Yes, but just people who are speshul and NoT lIkE oThEr GiRls

Well I'm unremarkable in pretty much every way and I never want any kind of special treatment. I think I'm an average Joanne, but I don't like weddings. There's no special category for non wedding people.

keyboardkat · 21/06/2023 15:42

Is this thread about the wedding season or farming? 😂

NeverThatSerious · 21/06/2023 15:43

dodobookends · 21/06/2023 15:40

The sort of farm that has other people who work there, who are left in charge when the family is out.

Ha. Yes I’m sure, perhaps op could ask the cousin who lives a few doors down from the farmhouse. What a funny set up.

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 15:48

It’s not at odds, infact I think it’s pretty critical. It’s essential for stuff like managing healthcare, ordering supplies etc. it’s also important for my sanity! I use it to access my courses and connect with my friends. Two of the kids are learning instruments too with an online service , funnily enough there aren’t any music teachers here. I do not miss getting up and joining the rat race to work everyday, I do miss chatting to people who aren’t little boys or spaniels.

OP posts:
Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 21/06/2023 15:49

EyelessArseFace · 21/06/2023 15:37

Arable. Not all farms have livestock that needs tending.

I don’t know any single farmer who would happily leave his or her land unattended for 36 hours. No fucking way. Most work 70-100 hour weeks. There’s always something to do. And when your whole life is farming, you don’t not check on it every day. Anything can happen. Even just checking fences. Even just checking soil. Even just checking stock in sheds, machinery, prices…

TheMurderousGoose · 21/06/2023 15:50

keyboardkat · 21/06/2023 15:42

Is this thread about the wedding season or farming? 😂

the farming, and other stated lifestyle elements, are more interesting than the ubiquitous 'I hate weddings' Mumsnet refrain.

DarrellRiversCriminalBehaviourOrder · 21/06/2023 15:50

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Behindthelines · 21/06/2023 15:51

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Behindthelines · 21/06/2023 15:52

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Behindthelines · 21/06/2023 15:53

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LuckySantangelo35 · 21/06/2023 15:55

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 15:48

It’s not at odds, infact I think it’s pretty critical. It’s essential for stuff like managing healthcare, ordering supplies etc. it’s also important for my sanity! I use it to access my courses and connect with my friends. Two of the kids are learning instruments too with an online service , funnily enough there aren’t any music teachers here. I do not miss getting up and joining the rat race to work everyday, I do miss chatting to people who aren’t little boys or spaniels.

@Supergluedisaster

why don’t you actually go out and see your friends in person OP?
go for cocktails or out for a meal - have a proper catch up! So much better than online!

Behindthelines · 21/06/2023 15:57

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Gorringe · 21/06/2023 15:58

TeapotCollection · 21/06/2023 11:48

Sorry but I’m 😂 at ‘miniature accountants’

Me too 😂

Behindthelines · 21/06/2023 15:58

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billy1966 · 21/06/2023 15:59

OP, I know so many people that are like you to a varying degree.

I see little wrong with it.

We are wedding dodgers too and happily used the children as an excuse for years.

We only went to family weddings, which the children were invited to as they grew, and enjoyed.

4 weddings a year is a lot with 4 children under 8, not a chance I would have done it with mine.

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 16:03

About 12 years ago now. DHs parents got old and moved into a bungalow near his sister. He was given the farm. It’s not a proper big farm though, it’s a small concern really. DH has a barn full of broken machinery and stuff which he fixes for people- apparently anyway! I see little fiscal or physical evidence of this activity.

OP posts:
BlockbusterVideoCard · 21/06/2023 16:03

Being chased up by my aunts on their behalf sometimes.

I think you are being a little unreasonable, in that you will only get chased up if you don't answer the first invitation promptly and firmly, and if you don't want to feel obliged to make excuses by social pressure and the nature of texting or calls, buy some Wedding Decline cards and have them ready to go the moment you are invited, then you can follow the advice above. I don't disagree with you that a lot of weddings are wasteful and annoying, everyone's feelings about this and how they handle it are valid.

n.b. don't say you can't send paper cards , because that's no more of an ecological problem than the device that you must be accessing Mumsnet on and probably less so.

What concerns me more, and is unreasonable, is that not being able to eat in front of strangers and therefore not wanting to go to any event where this might happen is disordered, and may impact negatively upon your children in a number of ways. May I gently suggest that this is the leading reason for you not wanting to go to weddings - so often we build up other 'reasonable to us' reasons around something like this.

Behindthelines · 21/06/2023 16:05

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Wanderlust75 · 21/06/2023 16:05

4 weddings a year, hopefully they will all be married soon unless you start getting invites for nephews as well.

I am nearly 50 and have only attended 2; Mine and my sister; never been to one in the UK; got an invite to one and got excited until I found out it was the evening event only and I couldn’t justify the expense: hair, nails, dress, travelling and hotel when I wasn’t even invited to the mail meal.

Missed my friend’s as moved overseas. And not too close to extended family.

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 16:05

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A chap comes in to help DH on a pretty casual basis. Its only a few fields of crops and a tractor graveyard it’s not like a huge high yielding farm at all.

OP posts:
Behindthelines · 21/06/2023 16:05

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Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 21/06/2023 16:05

Supergluedisaster · 21/06/2023 16:03

About 12 years ago now. DHs parents got old and moved into a bungalow near his sister. He was given the farm. It’s not a proper big farm though, it’s a small concern really. DH has a barn full of broken machinery and stuff which he fixes for people- apparently anyway! I see little fiscal or physical evidence of this activity.

How many acres? What does he farm? Does he have employees? Are you tenants?

Sorry, I know farming isn’t the point of this thread, but it’s my jam, and I am curious how someone can switch off from it!

LuckySantangelo35 · 21/06/2023 16:06

@Supergluedisaster

how do you afford four kids and for you not to work with this tiny, not high yielding farm op?!