To feel a bit annoyed that this woman tried to tell me my own nationality?

[threelegdonkey]

I'm not sure of the correct phrasing so apologies if I've gotten it wrong!

Basically, I was not born in the UK but have lived here most of my life as my parents moved here when I was very young. I do look and sound typically British.

Met a client at work today, recognised her accent as being from my 'home country' and started chatting to her about where we were both from. She said I didn't have much of an accent and I said I'd lived in the UK for X amount of years and she very obviously scoffed at me, rolled her eyes and said 'Oh, well you aren't really [insert country] then are you. You're British'.

Aibu to be a bit offended by her dismissiveness? Not that being British is a bad thing at all it's just that despite the fact I grew up here I don't consider myself to be particularly British. I had no British family members around me growing up so most of the culture, art, food, music, customs etc I was surrounded by at home were from my home country. I was badly bullied as a child because of the fact I was 'different', because I wasn't born here. So it did feel very hurtful to have my whole life experience completely dismissed by this person just because I've developed a British accent.

Aibu? Was she rude and insensitive or am I being over sensitive?

I like Meghan Murphy (Canadian) but she made me cringe so hard when interviewing Graham Linehan. 'I didn't know you were Irish! I'm also Irish. I have an Irish appearance, personality and name. I definitely have Irish in my blood some time ago but I've never been there'.

Graham looked so embarrassed. 😂

The other issue with not discussing nationality for fear of offending is you might offend someone. We had a birthday party and I was so worried I didn’t ask any of the parents where they were from. 70% of the parents were from abroad. At the end a Ukrainian lady got very upset when I asked her if she was settling into the school as she told us she was a refugee and it was very hard and no one ever asked her about it. I realised it’s not that no one cared, it’s that the mums are now too frightened of being called racist if they ask any questions about where someone is from.

We have lost the idea that asking someone a question about their life can be a kind curiosity and a way of making conversation, now it’s just seen as a way of trying to be hostile. Which it really won’t be in the majority of cases.

I am an immigrant with obvious accent and I disagree. It's not offensive to ask, it is however, sometimes offensive how it is asked. I think some people are tieing themselves in knots for no good reason. I feel like it's more British thing. No one else elswehere was scared to ask me about my origins. Usually it comes around with "oooh where is the name/accent from" type of question.
It is a problem when people mark someone as foreigner just based on looks. Obviously. If you know someone is from abroad, I don't understand why it would be offensive to ask where from or about the country.

Op's issue is different to this though.

Just to add, the hostility comes from
"UK? No, like really, where is your family from"
Now that's hostile offensive twattyness.

Standard. I'm a dual national (two passports, fluent in both languages, family in both countries, vote in elections in both countries, the works). Have been told that I'm not a 'real' national of either country. It's usually down to either envy (especially post-Brexit as I have retained mobility where others have lost it), or a sort of parochial nationalism that looks down on "citizens of nowhere" as one of our delightful ex-prime ministers (I lose track of which one, there's been so many) said.

@yadeciN and as I said in my post, what we have lost is the assumption that things are asked in good faith. But, I can see you’re a grievance monger who looks offence, as they way you read my comment was to highlight that I might be asking people where they are from in a rude way.

And it’s not just that people get offended if you ask ‘no where is your family really from”. I have seen threads on here where posters have been chastised for asking any questions about nationality. So, being a polite person, I now stear clear.

@BCCoach and the people of your other country that are rude to you - is that the fault of brexit fault or Theresa May?

Of course she was wrong ! How dare she ? What nationality you identify with or not is not her business . And since when having no accent means you no longer ate from a place ?

I have the same situation as have my kids and we often get that too .

But where did you grow up? That's the question.

I don't blame people who think if you didn't grow up in a particular place, are you really from there? Regardless of if you have the ticket, passport, ID card, voters card, etc of the place.

I also don't blame people who cling to somewhere or something - anywhere/anything for whatever reason. They don't have to justify it. What does it matter to others?

I just find 'finding offence' a bit of an overreaction especially when the asker's intention is clear (and it often is in most cases)

Grow up/live for a long period of time in your formative years or at some point.

Grievance monger. Lovely. Ffs.
I was actually saying there is nothing wrong with normally asking🤷 I re-read it 3 times and have no idea how you came to clnclusion I am just "a grievance monger who looks offence". Polite person, sure.

I saw people on MN claim banana is equal to mars bar. There is lots of bullshit which shouldn't be taken to real life situations here😉

A lot of these comments are not really answering the question you are asking! Yes she was rude and insensitive. Regardless of wether people agree with what she said or not, she had no right to say it and it was very inappropriate especially in a work setting. I don’t think you are being sensitive.

As a second generation immigrant I’m proud of my heritage. I was born and raised British
and no one would ever think of my family as immigrants.( but I do it’s important to me)
I would be pissed off to if I where you , obviously a very short sighted woman who
treated you poorly.
forget her and move on she’s not worth your thoughts

Different countries and people view nationality and citizenship in different ways.

For many people nationality and citizenship are entwined. So if you have British citizenship then you are a British national.

For others nationality is about where a person feels like they come from and can differ from citizenship. So you could be a British citizen but identify primarily as a Brazilian national.

Personally I agree with the former - if you are happy enough to accept all the benefits of British citizenship then you should be willing and proud to accept that you are now British in nationality.

Thank you, this is really nice of you to say. I'm naturalised already but I have family friends who are coming here on the scheme.

Thanks for being so nice 💙

I get this a lot! And I still have a very heavy accent. It's a benign comment. In my case it's even meant as a compliment for being polite, the way I dress, etc. And in many ways I feel a bit British. It is a good thing imo

I think she was very rude and despite a lot of comments on here I would be very offended. I don't know any British person living abroad who would give up their sovereignty so easily. Xx

Beverley - I'd say you are probably right on that - as to no British person living abroad giving up our nationality. I wouldnt myself. Basically - I think the reason for that is that we perceive it as advantageous to tell people we're British. I would say many people either identify or self-identify themselves as whatever nationality they feel is most advantageous and they can lay some sort of claim to it for some reason. Whereas, to my mind, people are the nationality they are born (ie the same as their parents). Having said that - and I'm British myself (and that's how I regard myself in my own head) and when I'm in England I call myself English (as both sides of my family are English going back several generations and we have to hunt back several generations to find any other nationality on both sides). So I'm what some Welsh people would refer to as "5th generation English" - as the Welsh often call themselves "5th generation Welsh" if that applies, to say they are Welsh and not just a British passport-holder and/or living a British lifestyle. When in Wales (where I now live) I call myself British - rather than English.

The idea that it’s advantageous to say you are British is rather out of date.

Brexit - they lost their mobility. My cousin in particular was planning on moving to London to work as a chef.