To feel a bit annoyed that this woman tried to tell me my own nationality?

[threelegdonkey]

I'm not sure of the correct phrasing so apologies if I've gotten it wrong!

Basically, I was not born in the UK but have lived here most of my life as my parents moved here when I was very young. I do look and sound typically British.

Met a client at work today, recognised her accent as being from my 'home country' and started chatting to her about where we were both from. She said I didn't have much of an accent and I said I'd lived in the UK for X amount of years and she very obviously scoffed at me, rolled her eyes and said 'Oh, well you aren't really [insert country] then are you. You're British'.

Aibu to be a bit offended by her dismissiveness? Not that being British is a bad thing at all it's just that despite the fact I grew up here I don't consider myself to be particularly British. I had no British family members around me growing up so most of the culture, art, food, music, customs etc I was surrounded by at home were from my home country. I was badly bullied as a child because of the fact I was 'different', because I wasn't born here. So it did feel very hurtful to have my whole life experience completely dismissed by this person just because I've developed a British accent.

Aibu? Was she rude and insensitive or am I being over sensitive?

People can't win so I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here.

Here are people who object to someone wanting to know where (else) they are/could be from, just like the OP proudly wants to declare and finds offensive if not acknowledged, but it's a problem.

Here's OP's person who possibly understood this and wanted to support the idea that you 'really are from the UK', like the post above, regardless of where else 'you or your parents could be from', but it's still a problem.

The only thing for it is to learn to mind read so you'll know which angle someone will find rude and offensive or say nothing about ethnicity, race or nationality at all. A shame for those who don't care about these things, don't mind talking about it from any angle or are not affected by the discussion or questions in any way. They'd just have to deal with it like everybody else.

Talk about over thinking . Can't anyone have a chat these days without everyone reading so much into it .

Gotten is not a typically English word, it's an Americanism. The English say 'got' unless, like you, they pepper their English with Americanisms.

You are being incredibly touchy. Why not embrace the country where you now live? You say you've spent the better part of your life here so it's a bit off to cling to the few years in what you call your 'home country'. You could say that it's your place of birth but the country you consider your home is where you are now.

And Irish, Scottish and regions of England.

And what's wrong with Americanisms? Especially when the one thing we know about OP is that she's not British.

You were being polite - your client was being rude!
XXX

This is slightly off topic but these comments interested me because, by this definition, my kids and I don't have a nationality (if nationality is synonymous with cultural identity and is based purely on school related experiences and TV news). We've always unschooled and never watch the news, so I have no idea what games they play in the schoolyard, or what they have for lunch... I'm not unique in this, there are hundreds of thousands of British home educators in a similar position.

My DH was born in Ireland and lived there until he was 2. He’s never been back, he considers himself totally British, a Londoner. I guess it just depends on the person. He thinks it would be odd to call himself Irish since he can’t ever remember being there. His older family have mild Irish accents - until they are together then the accents get stronger, and stronger, it’s odd.

Jesus what is typically British?
hope poor people trapped in that sub find there way to safety

Sounds like the woman has her own issues, which are not yours.
Just to make you smile I will tell you a funny thing that happened when my DD was in primary school. One of the other Mum's cam up to me and asked if I was Italian. I have dark hair and eyes but my ancestry is home counties as far back as I can trace. She would not accept I was British, and said "So only part Italian?". She never let it drop and occassionally I would overhear her telling other mum's that I was partly Italian....
Love Italy BTW, just not Italian!!

I have never seen the banana on English site. Widely used in my native EU country by especially young ones from east asian community but never heard it in UK. Talked about it with someone once after reading really intereating article in native newspapers with interviews from the community where the kids from community used it. They went"😶that's like... Super offensive" (they were not east asian).
I think it's great easy explanation for some people to understand.

Unless you used it differently, sorry!

Must be new here. Americanisms or what some think are Americanisms despite posters from all over the UK saying they’re not are heavily frowned on even offensive to some here.

I can't speak for OP but I feel a real emotional attachment to where I was born. England is my home and has been my home since I was 10 but my birth country is also my home.

Can't really explain it very well

You're very welcome (I did get confused when I saw this post as for a moment I thought you were the person I had a go at haha).

FWIW, I think the government scheme to grant Hong Kongers UK residency is one of the incredibly rare good things Dominic Raab did during his time in office. Absolutely the right decision and I hope the people arriving here under the scheme are made to feel nothing but welcome.

Not new here, just call it out every single time.

It keeps me busy.

This woman could be me! 😂(she wasn’t). If I were to make such a comment it would not be to dismiss your cultural identity (or rather one of your parents) but to express how jealous I am. I lived in this country for more than 20 years, DH and DC are British and I m so obviously not. Don’t look and don’t sound like one despite trying really hard. My English is mostly fine but my accent is so bad that hate the sound of my own voice (when I’m unlucky enough to hear it recorded).
I really don’t think this lady meant to offend you ❤

I used to get told this all the time in my teenage years, now I know that everyone makes their own judgement, and only mine is the one that truly matters.

Give it a few years, you won't care about it any more

She was quite rude but she may have also perceived you as rude. By essentially saying that despite growing up here, being educated here etc you don't want to be considered as British, there's arguably a (hopefully unintended) slight there, that being mistaken for British is a bad thing, which isn't a polite thing to imply to another British person.

You are definitely NOT being sensitive and they were really rude. They know nothing about your experience and your identity is yours - not theirs.
I really judge them for trying to be exclusive about it.
Also don't listen to those saying you are being sensitive - you're not. It's personal and a big part of your life, it's a normal reaction - I think you come across as really measured and thoughtful about it.

Your client was more than rude, and sounds perhaps a little racist to be honest.

Surely it is still common for people to associate their nationality with their place of birth?

Officially (at least in GB), nationality is that country (or countries) in which the individual has the right to legal status. Though perhaps one should not consider oneself a nationality if one does not in-practice exercise that legal status.

I have a caucasian friend that was born in Germany to british parents and he has no right to german nationality.

I suspect you may have dual-nationality? As you were not born in britain, some ignorant individuals will never consider you a british national despite the official stance of britain being different to what some “people” think. You clearly are a british citizen, which of course is not the same thing.

Lastly, for the record, we are all immigrants; even the so-called white-british. Archaeological evidence shows that darker skinned non-caucasian people lived on this island long before us white folk.

She was definitely rude, and insensitive. She had no business telling you where you're from! Her social skills could do with improving. Unfortunately we come across rude people all the time. I would put it down to ignorance on her part & give her the metaphorical finger! Some people are a waste of oxygen

A lot of the comments have made me angry! Those who think the OP is being ‘sensitive’ clearly have said similar things to others and are just trying to validate themselves!!

I would ask, anyone people whole like me, may still may be dealing with identity issues etc, do reach out to me! I’ve started to get a handle on my issues and would be keen to meet others going through the same ❤️

I understand you being irked but there's no real malice I think. I'm UK based when I moved south people struggled with my accent, visited home I'm 'posh'.
It also reminds me of two kids I was looking after (boy A great grandparents chinese, boy B mums family born Trinidad) conversation as follows (aged 4ish)
A what are you
B what
A I'm Chinese but where are you from
B (local town name)
A No what country
B British
A What
Spent a load of time at schools and this was the only time I've ever known a basically British child 'A' not in anyway thinking they're British. Got to know his older brother who said that they went to visit China every year ...extended family....which may explain it.
Although our family knew/knows one side who did come from Hong Kong who would define themselves as British (though obviously literally they were (b4 china claimed Hong Kong))

Boils down to it's how you, as an individual feel, whether it's YABU or YANBU but others are not likely to know (although in this instance they were at the very least thoughtless - sometimes it's best when you say nothing at all (just realised that sounds like a pop lyric 👀🙄 😳).

I think you're right personally. I really don't get the argument of people being able to self-identify as any nationality they please. One of the (few) things I agreed with my mother about was she said to me one time "I'm British, your father is British (ie English) - and that means that is what you are too". One identifies by the parents nationality - and not the country lived in and/or the passport one holds. That's how I identify friends as well - ie one of my friends is half-Austrian and half-British (as his mother is Austrian and his father is British - ie English in his case) and he speaks perfect English/has British passport/has lived here most of his life - but he's still "half-Austrian/half-British".

Actually too - the "what nationality does one self-identify as?" query comes up even for British people living in Britain. I'm English and now live in Wales and have both Welsh and English friends and I know that some Welsh people regard me as the same nationality as them and others regard me as a different nationality (because I'm not Welsh). I get both attitudes here (in West Wales) and have had one (Welsh) workman, for instance, say to me "You're one of Us - you live the same way we do" whereas I have come across a few people who will even tell other Welsh people "You're not really Welsh" if they find out they don't speak Welsh! It's a right hodge-podge all round and I tend to that workmans view - ie going by the way people live/the basic viewpoints they have.