To feel a bit annoyed that this woman tried to tell me my own nationality?

[threelegdonkey]

I'm not sure of the correct phrasing so apologies if I've gotten it wrong!

Basically, I was not born in the UK but have lived here most of my life as my parents moved here when I was very young. I do look and sound typically British.

Met a client at work today, recognised her accent as being from my 'home country' and started chatting to her about where we were both from. She said I didn't have much of an accent and I said I'd lived in the UK for X amount of years and she very obviously scoffed at me, rolled her eyes and said 'Oh, well you aren't really [insert country] then are you. You're British'.

Aibu to be a bit offended by her dismissiveness? Not that being British is a bad thing at all it's just that despite the fact I grew up here I don't consider myself to be particularly British. I had no British family members around me growing up so most of the culture, art, food, music, customs etc I was surrounded by at home were from my home country. I was badly bullied as a child because of the fact I was 'different', because I wasn't born here. So it did feel very hurtful to have my whole life experience completely dismissed by this person just because I've developed a British accent.

Aibu? Was she rude and insensitive or am I being over sensitive?

I know what country you live in 😂😂

I get it OP. Same happened to me recently and I was offended for about 2 days, then forgot about it until I read your thread. The person was ignorant, and hasn't stopped to consider the experiences of people from the 'home' country in the UK, or why it's important to us to feel a connection to that country. In my case I have dual citizenship, but the person still thought they had a right to tell me I was British only, because I was born and raised here. Yet I am always asked here 'where I am from.' We can't win.

oh gosh....i have a coleague who grew up here and had British accent told me how much she proud is that her parents are from abroad and she constantly talks to me about my country of origin and how the women are younger looking and have gorgeous blue eyes. Enjoy it

Life is too multicultural right now to be bothered by whatever someone says.

this

How lovely to know that being called ‘a white girl’ is in fact a ‘specific derogatory phrase’ in the native language of a country which Great Britain have let citizens from move here! Do they have similar for white men or boys then as well?

In a different situation, @would you mind if someone said you weren't British because you weren't born here?

Was she Irish Op and were you born in Ireland? I bet Irish people get so fed up with random foreigners telling them when they hear the accent that they’re Irish because their Nan’s brother’s postman’s goat once drank a pint of Guinness that they are quick to shut it down. Although in your case, I’d say you can legitimately claim to be if that’s where you were born.

Are you entitled to a passport in the country where you were born? Then, yes, that is your nationality.

It's incredibly high-handed and dismissive of her to decide this on your behalf. Who gave her the right to determine your nationality?

I agree that you shouldn't give it any head space but I would privately seethe at this and think she was insensitive and stupid.

I get this. I don't look white British but my mum and sisters both look much more so. It's not that I hate being the colour I am it's just that I don't feel I completely come from any community. For example I experience racism but have no one to talk to about it because I don't come from a specific community, so I'd feel like I was co-opting the experience of black people or Asian people. I can't say I'm Jamaican or Iraqi or Indian or Arabic because I'm not but I could pass for some of these nationalities. It's quite isolating.

I hear you. I an Irish to my core. The fact that I was born in Belfast seems to confuse people who state that I am British and as I am living in England I am proving I am British. No, I’m Irish. I love England think that London is the greatest city on earth and am delighted I have the privilege to live here… but I am Irish.

Your post is problematic, the fact you think it's ok for you to decide who's legitmately something or not (obviously not just drinking a pint, but people who might have ancestry)

Really surprised at some of these comments…it’s YOUR identity and YOUR heritage I don’t think anyone else gets to tell you who you are. So insensitive!

@Judgyjudgy I don’t decide. If you read the full post and comprehend it, I stated that you can claim nationality in any country where you are entitled to a passport, officially.

I say this as someone “with ancestry”.

When I encounter rude, condescending people I just roll my eyes and let out a big, long sigh. Nothing like communicating your thoughts without actually having to speak the words.

@DrGoogleMD I see the man on the ice and raise you frostbit boy.
I grew up in NI but worked in England for a few years...where I was described as The Scottish Girl. Which was odd as I had a colleague from Aberdeen.
My great grandmother was from Cork. Which means I am accepted where I now live. But have the conversation about not being from around here about once a week.

Pisses me off when people have an opinion on my nationality/ where I'm from! I have two nationalities (one British) by birth. I didn't grow up in the UK but now live here. For years, my FiL would make comments about me being [my home country's] nationality, not British, or hint at my Britishness being different. I am aware myself that I didn't grow up in the UK and my experiences are therefore different. However, I am also different from other people from my home country that now live in the UK, and it was fucking tedious to constantly have him opine on my identity. It finally stopped when I said outright, "I am British though, my passport is identical to any other British passport holder's".

Long story short OP, yes she was rude. No one but you gets to define your identity! I wouldn't dream of telling someone they're not truly from somewhere, so fucking rude!

Shitting hell, you can't be serious?! "A country which Great Britain have let citizens from move here!" WTAF?!?! This poster specifically mentions that she is part Asian. I don't want to speak for her, but presumably that means that her home country is a former UK colony. After all the evils of British imperialism and colonialism (not to mention Windrush), you talk about the UK "letting" people move here as though it's some kind of privilege they should be grateful for at all times? It's the very fucking least we could do after the horrors inflicted in Asia by the British!

Whatever her opinion, she probably was rather clumsy.

Omg. The literal translation is ghost girl which us the specific derogatory phrase and you've deliberately misunderstood my comment to mean that calling anyone white is derogatory which is obviously not what I said. Yes they say ghost man and ghost woman too. Now I've said that I've outed the specific country I'm from because it is a well known phrase.

Ffs I don't know what you're implying, that my home country is so awful that "great britain" shouldn't have let me immigrate here?! Well you may be surprised they have recently launched an initiative to give thousands of people from that place citizenship here.

I think you are on the wrong thread my friend. This one is specifically griping against racially prejudiced people.

Thank you, yes I am from a former British colony which was still a colony when I was a child. I blew up at the pp you quoted before I saw your reply. Thanks for understanding.

I think this is good advice, very pragmatic.

from the heart though - I totally get why you were upset. I’m half and half, two nationalities, and sometimes feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. I always tell myself to think of it more positively, but sometimes i get the not fitting in feeling (and I too was bullied as a child for being different …).

Ps just looked it up and it's actually up to 3 million people from my home country they're going to offer British right of abode to, leading to citizenship pathway. There's a petition against it @SeenYourArse so you'd better go sign that eh.

People do that to me too. I guess I've just accepted that my British identity is now much stronger. Makes me sad though, it was my father's country and the connection means a lot.

I’m often OK with being Nothing. That’s now, but I’ve had many phases, having lived in a number of countries through childhood and having multiple heritages. The ‘you’re not really X’ used to puzzle me more than hurt as I never thought I was. I just had the heritage. And the relatives, who often loved both having me visit and telling me I wasn’t really X.

At times I’ve said European, or International. I’m not attached enough to anywhere to belong.

born Spain with an Irish mother and Spanish father. They are clocking up decades of separation and Gran lives in London. Mother from Ukraine, speaking Russian at home. I have two passports. Wherever I am, I’m not from there. Mongrel mutt, ceased to care.